Feel like a failure with no motivation - Mental Health Sup...

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Feel like a failure with no motivation


I’m a 38 year old female, another failed relationship no children and never married. I have been on and off antidepressants for 12 years. I am worried that I might have a personality disorder. I’ve never taken time off work when I’ve had melt downs, I just seem to struggle with letting go of the past. I have felt Suicidal on several occasions but I’m not brave enough to do it and then I think just how selfish That would be, and just how lucky I am compared to some people. I am

Constantly battling with myself 🤔

23 Replies

Join a walking club in London on the internet, and meet lots of people

PinkG in reply to Indieabc

London is a bit far, but good idea I shall look for one in the area of the Midlands I’m living in. I do go to the gym which I enjoy


You need to come to terms with your past and initially learn how to live for the day. Your future then will look after itself.

Ask your GP if He will arrange a course of CBT hopefully.

Sometimes our pasts can be difficult to come to terms with, if this is the case there is a technique you could try. Each separate problem can by cut into smaller bites, address each bite then move onto your next concern, if you get stuck move on or go back to a area that has not been address. Because your concerns relate to past choices you will need to be true to yourself so you will eventually move on. When push comes to shove your past is not as important as your live today and any plans you have for your future

If you are so unsettled try Mindfulness Relaxation Technique, you will find explanations on TOPICS.

Sometimes after treatment you may feel the need to pull away from various problems that has caused your problems, this in its own right can be very liberating. I followed this pathway and it worked well for me and those around.


PinkG in reply to borderriever

Thank you this advice is very much appreciated, it’s very reassuring knowing people like yourself with experience can share it with good intentions

Hi there, I'm in a similar boat. I'm 39, with a string of crap relationships (although I have two beautiful children). I also think I have a personality disorder; in fact I have an appointment with the psychiatrist tomorrow to discuss it. I know exactly how it feels to battle through crisis after crisis, without taking time off work. I recently had five weeks' off, which is the first time I've ever done that in my twenty years of working. Look forward to chatting to you some more x

PinkG in reply to Suzie40

Hi Suzie

Thanks for getting in touch and sharing your story. Let me know how it goes tomorrow. I moved in with my partner 2 years ago, the relationship has now broken down so I am currently looking for a house share as can’t afford to get my own place this time due to debt, I feel like from the age of 26 when I lost my dad, I’ve just lost the plot and now just feel like I’ve failed. I’m back on sertraline and doing cbt. Just remember you are fabulous. I would have loved to have been a mum but I’m

Clearly not cut out for relationships xx

Suzie40 in reply to PinkG

Stuff started going wrong for me when my Mum died three years ago. Until then I'd only ever been diagnosed with depression, but there's been such a lot more since she died. You mustn't feel like you've failed - I'm sure you have achieved lots of great things x

Hi I am very bad at intimate relationships and never managed to find a partner or have children as well. I certainly don't feel like a failure and nor should you. At least you are still young enough to have children if you want so maybe take that decision?

I am in my 60's now and must admit I would have liked children now to look after me in my old age! But it might not have worked out like that anyway and I would have missed other good times in life as well.

The main problem I find is other peoples attitude. Men tend to think I am gay (I'm not but wouldn't have had a problem with it) and have given me a hard time over the years. Women tend to think I am a bit strange but some of them envy me! Both men and women shut me up very quickly if I ever talk about children though which does get my goat. And too many of my friends have limited time coz they are always either with their family or looking after grandchildren.

I hope you find your own way. x

PinkG in reply to hypercat54

Thank you. I would love my own child but it’s took me until now to decide this and feel I may have blown my chances, however I am determined to try and look at the positives and I know it’s a cliche but maybe somethings do actually happen for a reason. I’m sure you have experienced lots of interesting things so far, I understand about the being looked after by grown up children, however you do sound like you have inner peace and are your own best friend being comfortable in your self and not relying on anyone but yourself which a lot of people would struggle with.

I can totally Relate to the experience of friends with children, one almost seems so pitty me because I’m not a mum. I’ve been on a date and was called “weird” because I’ve not had children and I’m not “womanly” People’s ignorance can be very hurtful and detrimental.

I have made some poor decisions so far, but I’ve always thought about other people’s feelings (which I now realise is way out of my or anyone’s control) through cbt.

I am determined to live in the now and take each day as it comes and be grateful for what I have not what I don’t.

Stay fabulous x

hypercat54 in reply to PinkG

Fabulous? I wish :) Thanks for your good wishes anyway. 38 is not too old unless you have gone through the change or have other issues so get cracking if you want a child. Even if you can't there are other ways nowadays which weren't generally available when I was your age. Good luck with it. x

Hello, I can relate totally. I am 35, never been in a serious relationship. Men often tell me they can’t give me what I need, they’re not ready to commit, or I deserve better 🙄. All I’ve ever wanted in life is to have kids. I feel I have no purpose. Everyone in my life is thriving and I struggle to get out of bed. I often think my life is not worth continuing, but don’t feel suicidal. I have tried medications and counselling with no success and therefore feel that I might have a personality disorder as well.

Unfortunately I don’t have any words of wisdom to make you feel better, just know you’re not alone..

PinkG in reply to ginger35

I can so relate to you! Remember you are not on your own either “the i cant give you what you need” line is so hurtful isn’t it, it’s so dismissive, as we have so much to give! You are 3 years younger too, don’t settle though, I know it’s a cliche but you will find the one and have a child. The whole getting up thing is difficult and I have that daily dread too, I believe that we have to push ourselves every day until we find our purpose.

Get up, dress up, show up And let’s Never give up X

Hi pink g.

Sorry hear how your feeling, I find for me try take time out do hobbies, for me it's golf and mountain biking it helps keep me going, your meet new people and will feel better. Your still young and sure your meet Mr wright one day.

PinkG in reply to dougal2

Thank you. Your right keeping busy really can help as it’s a good distraction too. Had an emotional melt down today, I’m back on sertraline too, but I think I might need to go up from 50mg feel like a hamster in a wheel sometimes lol

I’m very new to this app but it’s very reassuring to know it’s here when I’m in a dark place. Mountaining biking sounds cool!!! 🌟

dougal2 in reply to PinkG

I too am on sertraline 100mg. Was originally on 50mg but that didn't do anything. Sorry hear you had meltdown today, I hope you feel better. If you need chat let me know. Not done mountain biking for long while will do some next week hopefully.

PinkG in reply to dougal2

Hey how are you doing?

dougal2 in reply to PinkG

Hi pinkg

Not to bad been little low couple days. How you?

PinkG in reply to dougal2

Are you still taking sertraline? Hope you are having more good days than low days, it’s tough but we can all beat this ongoing depression together. Now I’ve increased to 100mg I feel fairly “normal” whatever normal is! Lol Paying private for a new therapist and trying to just be kinder to myself and be happy with simple things

dougal2 in reply to PinkG

I'm pleased for you glad your getting wright treatment. My dad anniversary on 17th Sept when he passed away. Be alright in couple days

PinkG in reply to dougal2

Sorry to hear that I’m sure your dad would be very proud of you! Anniversary’s are Always tough, but no one will ever be able to take your memories away. I lost my dad 12 years ago so I know how you must be feeling.

dougal2 in reply to PinkG

Thankyou I just remember good times before he was ill.

dougal2 in reply to PinkG

Yes still on sertraline it does help me and helps anxiety

Yeah get back on the bike sounds awesome fun. I’m

Glad I made through today, going to see Gp Monday about increasing dose as I’m feeling they are doing nothing to help.

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