Is being stressed and worried unimportant?

[gkskfangs]

Recently, my partner ghosted on me for days and I was driven mad, I was worried because he mentioned in a short reply that he "has no will to live". Imagine the days I kept on calling and texting but no reply. I couldn't sleep, my heart raced like mad and I get tearful easily. I was so scared. I went out of my way to meet him, but just sat there, talked a bit and made sure he's alright. I didn't touch on the matter, I felt like I needed to give him some space. Truthfully, my worries don't end there. I kept thinking if I'm being thrown away, if I'm a bother or a burden. It's eating me up, these thoughts. I couldn't focus at work.

I noticed that this is like a pattern to me. Whenever something like this happen (guilt, fear, assumed rejection, feeling neglected), I would be thrown into the worst mood and extreme worry. I'm scared that I'd go extreme like I did in the past (shut people away, thoughts of putting self in danger, being insomniac for months).

So I went to get a referral letter from a small health centre for a counselling session on how to deal with this. But after answering the obligatory DASS 21 test, the doctor kind of disregarded my choices (perhaps I did choose the wrong answer on the 4-scale thingy) and eventually told me I shouldn't love someone that much. He re-marked the answers and all, but I guess that's fine since he might know the items on the test better. He insisted that my condition shouldn't be that bad, but due to protocol he'll refer me for a therapy anyway. I've never felt so... rejected like that. Was I wrong for wanting to fix myself? Or is it because my condition isn't that severe? A stressed person should not go seek for help? I'm okay because I still have the will to live?

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi gkskfangs and thank you for your post. This situation with your partner must have been distressing for you. I hope he has reached out for some support and is now feeling better. You did the right thing in asking for help and support for yourself when things became difficult, so well done for doing this. You may find some of the posts in the pinned posts section on the screen helpful. Please stay on this supportive forum where you will receive help from other members. Are any members able to help gkskfangs, please? Thank you and best wishes.

[chbale]

Hi gkskfangs

I've been in a very similar situation and fully understand what you're going through. Most importantly it seems your partner has some issues to deal with and needs some help, if you're ever worried about his welfare call the police they will check up on him.

This happened to me a couple of times - my ex (who's still a friend) wasn't responding to messages or calls so I alerted the police. They did find him unconscious following an overdose attempt and got him sorted out in hospital. For me it was a release, I couldn't do anything due to distance and the time of night at the time but I was able to calm down knowing there were the best people looking into his situation.

For many years I was his carer and that's not an easy job, it took its toll on my health too. There is support out there for carers and I'd suggest you look into what's available where you are.

The main thing is your own feelings. Don't let anybody tell you you're wrong for feeling stressed, concerned, worried etc. The way you feel is the way you feel and if you're not happy with that you can get help to get things back to normal.

The feelings of neglect or desertion are understandable but if your partner is having his own issues it's probably not personal to you so don't try to take it to heart. I know how difficult it is.

[gkskfangs in reply to chbale]

i live 15 minutes away from his place so i can always go and check on him, but i'm afraid that it would be too pushy to keep coming by. it has been several times that he does this, and that always worry me to no end. but then when he finally replies normally and talks about his day i'd be relieved, but i still worry for the day he goes silent again.

it lifts the load a bit off my shoulder to know that there are people who understand, and you've even been there too. nothing can describe how difficult it is to keep caring and worrying. thanks. i'll look for suitable and available supports here. thanks again, your reply meant a lot to me.

[chbale in reply to gkskfangs]

Thanks for your kind words, you're in a very difficult position.

You do need to distance yourself from it as best you can so you don't drag yourself down, he clearly has issues that need dealing with before you start to have severe problems yourself.

I'm no expert in these matters, I was dropped into a similar situation completely out of the blue - I've had no training or professional advice just 8 years of trying to do my best.

Experts may say this is the wrong thing to do but I told my ex to text me every day before 8pm, just a blank text or a 'hi I'm still alive' was all I asked, if he didn't I would message him and if nothing by 9pm he knew I would call the police who, if necessary, would take his door of its hinges. A massive inconvenience for him but a weight off my mind knowing he was well. Maybe that's selfish but it worked so far and he's still alive and well.

I really do feel for you it's a horrible situation, look after yourself, I hope he's grateful to have somebody so caring looking out for him.