What’s worse than being alone? Having ppl around but being lonely is.

[Lynzhoppy1]

Hi, this is my first post in here. I hope you are all having as good a day as possible.

So my post title is a good starting point for me to explain how I’m feeling at the moment, I feel so desperately lonely. I am a single parent to 2 amazing daughters, I have had to stop work due to health problems (I am 31) I have Carers coming in 1 hour a day and I have a boyfriend. I have a small circle of friends and a great family (although my family all live away and I don’t see them that often) I feel nothing I do or say is right or good enough, I don’t sleep well, I don’t eat regularly, I can’t exercise due to my physical health conditions, I don’t drive and I rarely leave the house. I question and doubt myself all the time, I’m paranoid about everything and convinced my boyfriend will leave me (not that I would blame him, I’m such a mess!) my daughters father is next to useless so get very little support from him. I just want to hide away until this passes but I know I can’t, I know I have things to be thankful for but I still can’t help thinking ‘why me?’ I’ve always been independent, been a single parent for 4 years and always worked full time. Now, I feel needy, dependent on others, reliant on benefits, got no purpose, self worth, self esteem or confidence. I don’t know what to do or where to turn

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Lynzhoppy1 and welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. It is hard when you have to stop work due to health problems, but you will adjust to this in time. You may be able to work again at some other occupation in future. There are possibly many opportunities that you can look into when the time is right.. Have you spoken to your doctor about how you are feeling, as he/she will be able to help you? Please try to eat regularly as this will also help you to feel better. We all need a little bit of help sometimes, and this is fine. You do have a purpose and you can work on your self worth, self esteem and confidence. Think about the things you enjoy doing and talk to your friends about going out for a short time. Plan to do something that you and your children will enjoy, such as baking or a craft activity. There are lots of ideas online for this. Please stay on this supportive forum where others will reply and introduce themselves to you. Remember you are not alone. Thank you and best wishes.

[Clarebear86]

Hi nice to meet you and thank you for sharing your experience and situation. I’m also 31 have a 5 year old daughter and given recent events I am convinced that my husband will leave me. It’s hard, I feel lonely and alone but then there are people around me who care & yet I still feel alone. I have always been independent and done things for myself, by myself. Asking for help was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I think I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that you can’t do everything alone and it is ok to ask for help. Be careful not to make people think you are pushing them away. It’s hard and you may not see it that way, but just try and let people be there for you. I hope this in some way helps, I can totally understand where you are coming from as I have had days where I have felt exactly the same and still do in some way. No or very little confidence, self esteem, self worth. Thinking I am worthless, invisible even. I have shed so many tears over the past weeks on these feelings and today I am having an ok day. I’m sure you will get through this. Look to your daughters for strength it is there, you may not see it, but it is there.

[Lynzhoppy1 in reply to Clarebear86]

Hi Carebear, asking for help has never been a strong point of mine. I know I am pushing people away and isolating myself but I can’t seem to stop, I get annoyed if my phone rings or if someone knocks at the door! It’s pathetic I know but I can’t seem to help it. Invisible is definitely how I feel, but I know it’s of my own making. And as for crying, the smallest thing has me going and then I can’t seem to stop. It’s driving me mad! My daughters are amazing, my eldest is nearly 11 and is registered as a young carer. I even cry about that, I feel so guilty she’s in that position.

I’m glad you’re having an ok day, thank you for replying. It does help to know I’m not the only one feeling like this and to see that by the sounds of it, you’re a step ahead of me so I’m sure I’ll get there xx

[Lynzhoppy1]

I spoke to the gp a few weeks ago and I said I’d go back if I felt worse, 3 days this week I’ve tried to get an appointment but couldn’t get one. I am on antidepressants and have been for years now, I do find I go up and down with my moods but this current ‘down’ seems to be worse and lasting longer. I just can’t find any good, pleasure or fun in anything. I feel like a massive failure. My children and I are going out later for a bit, they are looking forward to that. Im quite crafty and we do sewing and things together, but I can’t even remember the last time I picked a needle and cotton up. I just ‘can’t be bothered’ with anything. I’m not good at saying no to others or asking them for help which causes arguments between my boyfriend and I, I guess I’m just so used to being independent and being able to help others. Thank you for your reply

[Clarebear86]

Again I know the feeling I rang my gp the other week to find out they were on holiday for a week. It was the longest week of my life. I to planned to take my daughter out and we went to see fireworks and there was a funfair. I spent the most of the evening in a daze. Luckily she wasn’t affected or noticed being only 5, but my husband did. It frustrates him that I can’t talk to him about it, which really doesn’t help. I just can’t find the words to explain or express what is going on in my head and how I actually feel. I feel like there is no alternative but to try and work through this myself. But I also feel the tole this is taking on my family and I think I may not get the ending I want. But what else can we do? We can only try. I am currently off work and I have accepted that my mind has the morning, to make me feel bad and I don’t get up to much but come the afternoon it’s my time and I look to be active and do something fulfilling. It seems to have worked this week.

[Lynzhoppy1 in reply to Clarebear86]

It’s so frustrating isn’t it!! Yesterday I very nearly rang the Samaritans, but then remembered this site so posted here instead. A friend asked if I’d babysit for her tonight but I actually managed to say no, that’s massive for me! Another friend messaged me a couple of days ago and I replied today, I mentioned briefly how I’m feeling and she said she’s free Tuesday for a catch up. My boyfriend is coming around tomorrow so I think I’m going to attempt to talk to him and try and make him understand how I’m feeling and what I’m going through.

I’m sorry you didn’t really enjoy your time out with your daughter, but it’s good she didn’t notice. Try and enjoy your evening xx

[Clarebear86 in reply to Lynzhoppy1]

I was emailing the Samaritans as I couldn’t bring myself to ring them. So I can recommend it if you feel you need to. I find it easier expressing and saying what I am going through by writing e-mails and texts at the minute rather than talking through it. I hope you have a good night to and I hope things start to pick up and get better for you soon. We all have bad days & some seem very bad. But we need to try and look to the days (though they may seem few) that are good ones & hopefully hold onto those feel good days as long as possible.

[Lynzhoppy1 in reply to Clarebear86]

Yeah..? I might give it a go then. I’m definitely not good at talking, drives everyone around me mad! Yeah we do all have bad days and it is definitely comforting to know they aren’t a permanent thing! Like I say, I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety for years so it’s something I’m used to. I’m just really struggling at the moment. Your point about your mind having the morning but you controlling your afternoon sounds very familiar, and I do try to own my afternoons it’s just really hard. As I’m sure you know and understand. Have some snuggles with your little one and your husband, I’m snuggling up with my babies. It’s bliss xx