Depression fear anxiety suicidal feelings that never go away and deep despair and lonliness!!

[Evelynarnold]

Please tell me I'm not the only one that feels such deep feelings of fear and lonliness. My feelings frighten me! My head aches and I wonder how long I can put on a brave pretend I'm ok face. Life has no meaning for me any more, why are we here suffering? I try so hard to get up go to work and act out my day!! It's so tiring and I'm exhausted. I get irritable with people and I don't like those feelings! I live alone which doesn't help!! I help my mum as she lost my stepdad and I like being needed but feel so afraid that when it's her time to pass I'm totally alone. My family don't bother with me. So I wouldn't be missed. All I see ahead of me is years of this depression. Please tell me I'm not alone with these feelings???

[darkshadow]

Hello, Evelynarnold. I can tell you that you are not alone in this. You just need to read the posts here to find that out. Depression and fear often go together. I also suffer from both.

Would you like to tell me a little more about whether or not you have seen your doctor or searched for help of any other kind?

[Evelynarnold in reply to darkshadow]

Hello, and thanks for your reply! I'm taking citalopram but the doctor just gives out pills and a leaflet. I am thinking of ringing the number on the leaflet as I've been feeling like this for to long!! The feeling of dread is so over whelming!! I just wish we could all feel some semblance of happiness. The world is not good with all the awfull things in the news etc! There's just nowhere to get away from it. I feel I'm existing and not really living!!,

[Annunnaki in reply to Evelynarnold]

Sorry sweetie, just saw this. Yes call them. I worked in the NHS and been a patient with multiple things. If they don't hear you say certain key words, they will assume you'll cope.

You said you're not living, but existing, and whats the point of carrying on. That's depression, and it doesnt sound mild to me. Some staff are more skill than others on different topics, believe it or not. If you feel like you want your life to end, you have to spell it out to them. If your plans are imminent, as in today/tomorrow, with a plan in your head, planned definitively not maybe, in the UK, you will be admitted, assessed and tried on better meds. You'll get further support at that time. A chance to explore new things that might help. If its at some point, here they write to your GP who sees you urgently or not depending on what you say and they conclude from it. You can ask your GP to be referred to the psychiatric team for assessment, if its your GP who prescribe them. Frankly an assessment by a psychiatrist is best, or you'll go around in a circle. I know countless people who have, and are.

In truth many people say they plan to end their life imminently so they can get the help they so desperately need. Same as if you are describing pain, you do your worst pain, not when you're coping. Unless the staff have the presence of mind of using scoring system, and lots of detailed info.

You have to decide whats best for you.

Message me privately if you need details. I have a grasp of the English system, though things do change all the time. I'll try help you as much as you need, as best I can.

Blessings.

[celtic2746]

hi evelyn what makes you think you will not be missed ? you will be missed tgere must be some reason for you to carry on i noticed your taking citalopram have you been on the long are they helping you !i was taking them for a few years until i found they were not working anymore so my doctor changed me on to venlafaxine which are better been on them for 2 years i think he also but me on amitriptaline and quetiapine also to help with my anxiety problems i lost my mum recently which has affected me ! regards you asking if anyone else had your problem you will find that there are many people with varying problems om here that are willing to listen to you ! please take care david.!

[Sandraan in reply to celtic2746]

Hi David I'm just starting valafaxine, do you mind me asking what strengh you are on ?? And how you have been on them ?? Do they work ??

[Evelynarnold in reply to celtic2746]

Thank you for your kind words! The depression got worse when my dad died in front of me!! And no one really understands how it's affected me. If I had support it would help immensely! I feel so isolated and alone with these feelings! I put on a brave face at work and in front of people, but I'm crying inside.

[celtic2746 in reply to Evelynarnold]

i think its 225mg

[Annunnaki]

No sweetie. ONE thing you are not is alone. Its your body and mind telling you you have depression, if you don't know already. And that you are in exacerbation or a period of crisis.

you've done the first step. Recognize it, admit it to yourself. Not to mention the enormous courage of reach out. You need to address it and fast. Like any illness, the longer you leave it, the worst it gets.

Depending on your country, you you need to contact your GP. If you feel you cant wait for an apportionment, in UK there's a psychiatric team on call at all times in every main hospital. You can always call them, or best we are advised to go there. You should also find professional support team online, with 24 hr access. And you have to be very vocal in saying exactly how you feel, how desperate you are. Dont hesitate, act. Contact them. Preferably, a big recognized organisation.

You need 1. assessment, 2. immediate help, and 3. learn to manage it. I don't believe in untruth, you may recover competently, or like me, learn to manage it. It really depends.

I know its not much, but many of us will be thinking of you now on, praying, wishing, in their own way for you. Please, don't feel ashamed for what you feel. There is lot of prejudice. I have to go out. But on my return, ill try keep in touch with you again. I wrote a post about feeling like that. And just now a reply to someone who, misguidedly, thought it was a good idea to correct me on how to express myself. i explained it there. it's titled:

"COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY IF YOU WANT TO HEAL: NOT!"

Read it if you want to see how someone else feels like you do, from their individual point of view. Many here have written. Browse the posts. Admin is always helpful.

I hope that it helps. And what I told you is useful.

You have to be a good person to help your mum, despite feelling terrible. Not all families are there for you. In truth, how much does it matter? I rather no family than one that pretends. Which is also my situation. Friends, which are herd to make when you feel this way, are the family you make for yourself. In time you might join a supportive community, whenever theater amateurs, reenactment group, or a faith of some sort, including atheist church, depending on your beliefs. And hopefully, one day you'll have one, a partner/s and children of your own, according to your individual values. That too will be our family. I don't judge people on their values, what they believe or choose to do, as long as they hurt no one. You can be as free as you want with me.

I carry you in my heart as I go. You have got one other person, however far, who cares how you feel and want to see you happy.

Blessings.

[Evelynarnold in reply to Annunnaki]

THANKYOU for your kind words. X

[Annunnaki in reply to Evelynarnold]

I mean it sweetie. How are you today? Did you decide what to do? X

[Evelynarnold in reply to Annunnaki]

Hi, to be honest I'm up and down, more down to be honest. I try and keep busy as that helps. How are you? Some days I feel deep despair! Other days I get by. Such a horrible condition. It's tiring pretending I'm ok when really I'm crying inside.I know I'm not alone with these feelings so many people suffer!!

[Annunnaki in reply to Evelynarnold]

Yes, I have more down than ups too. It's is hard to pretend. One way I found is to say, you are in pain. I just don't say where. But since I now have phial pain, for years, it's easier to cover. Some to heal completely, others cope. Have you been able to see anyone to help yet?

[loggerslot]

Hi There, Life does have a meaning and don't worry about the state of the world given what is happening in the news. don't forget there are businesses behind the news that profit from it's publishing and broadcast and the state of world has always been like this before us and ahead of us so don't pay too much attention to it, brush it off like yesterday's newspaper, in the bin and enjoy being yourself. having done that, lets get you back on track.

Like you, i've battled loneliness too. my mum had passed away, and I don't get on much with most of my extended family since little so I've learnt to spend time on my own. now the loneliness is hitting me hard on the verge of suicide. The way i have managed to slowly break that mould is to get out there amongst the people. you can try doing charity work, allocate a few hours on a weekend to help break the week up. lets say a animal rescue centre, search for one local. seeing animals can put on a feel good factor and perk us up. use counselling therapy alongside it to help manage your balance and learning curve on interacting with others and how to manage your negative feelings.

try not to get irritated by others by simply understanding that everyone is right in their own world, their views may not change after a lengthy discussion so it's best left alone. practice that and it will help reduce that stress and allow you to spend some quality time. If the irritation is at work then just be careful how it comes across to others, as you spend most of your time with people at work and you won't want to annoy anyone but be friends.

Try to take up some of interest or hobby that can occupy your time. I know some may say it doesn't work but just keep at it and you will succeed. I tried gardening, something that does interest me, but never good at it. everything i tried was a failure, even this year but I use every situation to teach myself how to battle the disappointments that come in different forms and move on and that is the key. you will be surprised how much you can simply learn from websites, youtube and its a great way to share your experiences, views and thoughts with everyone out there.

step at a time and you will get there.

[Evelynarnold in reply to loggerslot]

Thanks for your reply. And I'm so sorry you've been feeling so bad. It's nice to have someone who understands. My dad died in front of me and it's affected me, especially when the family haven't been very supportive! I go to work putting on an act of being ok but it's so stressful and tiring!! Not a day goes by where I don't think of ending it all. But while my mother needs me I carry on! That keeps me going. I just wish I didn't feel so isolated and alone deep inside and the fear I feel scares me. I know there are people who are worse of than me but I'm not in control of these feelings. They control me. Your words help. Thanks again.

[loggerslot in reply to Evelynarnold]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. In a way i can understand how it must have felt. I found my mum passed away, she didn't wake up when i shook her a few times only to find her cold to the touch.

If your family haven't been supportive maybe you should try to talk to your mum about what you are going through, tell her you need someone to talk to. maybe it will give her a channel to talk to you too and you can help each other, maybe a walk in the park, over a coffee?

sometimes people don't realise what you are going until you tell someone. people are locked away in their own world too blinded to know how others are. sometimes we don't realise we becomes victims of that ourselves towards others. Do you have any past friends from Uni or someone you know you were good friends with? maybe getting in touch with them will help you if talking to your mum doesn't help. i got in touch with an old friend from over ten years ago and now he's a very supportive friend out of all i know.

[Evelynarnold]

Thanks so much for your post! I will try to talk to my mum but she's very wrapped up in her own grief!! Xxx