Bring me sunshine!

Hi I have the Monday blues, it might be the weather. honestly if it wasn't for my little dog I don't no what I would do. thing is I am a good guy I look after mum who is not great. she drains me I do housework help the neighbours with there gardens,so why do I feel useless. I feel like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense if that makes any sense, I am living with regrets, lost my dad to cancer,lost my best friend to a heart attack age 46,don't see no one apart from when I take dog out,i think to myself is this it really. same with me I dress nice,well spoken don't think I am ugly but no Brad Pitt either,i walk around like a lost dog. I look after mum basically don't use Twitter of Facebook, don't have mobile phone. my mum sits on facebook tells my 24/7 this ones having a nice holiday,this ones getting married look at there wonderful photos all happy. my Nephew has just had a holiday met a nice lass from Ireland and she was showing me his photos saying oh it's great. yes I love my nephew to bits. I write in riddles sorry. I got dumped because I took my dad out when he had the cancer and didn't take my friend out,my dad only had 1 month to live he died at age 62,i have never really recovered.


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26 Replies

  • It sounds to me like you have no time for yourself to do the things you would most enjoy. As for people posting on Facebook and Twitter well these sites can have a detrimental effect on a lot of people.

    It is good you have your little dog as he will provide so much love and companionship for you.

    Have you thought about going camping ? Your dog would love it and maybe your mum would too. I know you say you look after her .. Maybe you both could do with a small break yourselves.

  • HI Satsuma thanks for your reply. my mum was laughing next door at something on tv and theres me with red eyes,she came into the room which was awkward because I don't like her to see me down. recently I have been reading about Gary Speed with Wales doing well in the Euros,i am interested in this because he was always happy and remember seeing him on the tv on Saturday then Sunday he was gone.i was really shocked at the time. mind when my friend died this changed the way I look a life. I tried to be positive.

  • Hiding how you feel from your mum will be bound to have a negative effect on you.

    Whenever anyone dies it does impact somewhat on us. Grief affects people in a number of ways.

    I understand you try to be positive but do give yourself some leeway when you are feeling down. Everybody on Planet Earth is not happy all the time.

  • Thanks as I don't do Twitter/Facebook this is the only site I reply to. the funny thing is I get people annoyed by not joining Facebook, my doctor says it will make me worse,you can not win. if I confuse you I apologize as I confuse myself.

  • I wouldn't touch facebook or twitter with a bargepole! I remember once, in a telephone conversation with a colleague, he telling me that an ex-colleague had 'tweeted' what he had for breakfast - like any of us needed to know. Sorry but really not my style thank you :)

    It sounds to me like you are still grieving, it can be a long slow process and there is no rushing it. That your partner walked out on you at the same time as your father was suffering only increases the impact. Perhaps you need to get away from your home environment so that you can give some time to yourself for your wounds to heal.

    Since you enjoy your dog's company so much, is there a 'kennels' near you? I have a friend who volunteers for our local kennels, taking dogs for a walk and what have you, and loves it. It gets her out of the house, she meets people and has a great time. Things like joining the local theatre group, night classes, lectures at the library or volunteering for the YMCA/scouts group are also viable options.

  • I totally agree with you

  • Hi linlow my little Shih Tzu was given to me by my niece for Christmas/birthday gift 3 years ago and I can honestly say he has been like a gift from God. people may think I am mad,but Ollie has been a breath of fresh air and is so funny.

  • They are wonderful little creatures aren't they :) My previous next door neighbour had one (the current one has a dachshund). What an expressive face he had, and a cheeky character.

    koolkenny if you use the reply button directly under the comment, rather than the text box that says 'Leave a comment....', folks will know you have answered them. I don't know why they put that box there! Well I do but it makes the whole thing so confusing :)

  • I have two shih Tuz too. My eldest Jess I got from a rescue aged 9 and for the past four years she has got me through depression. She lies beside me all day on bad days with no complaining and forces me out for walks too.

  • Sorry for that, just had the dog outside he sits at the gate I wonder who he is waiting on would love to know unfortunately dogs cannot speak would be great though, if real life was a Pixar or Disney movie with a talking dog. must be late when I am writing crazy comments,my mood has lifted in the last 3 hours which is good.

  • funny you are on about Twitter, if I am out with the dog most people are pleasant enough but the ones I dislike they stand in the middle of the path with there dog twiddling with there phone honestly I am not a miserable sod but people with phones really leave me barking, my ex used to meet up with me and have the mobile under the table while I was talking so rude,probably why I haven't owned a phone for a couple of years. I have anxiety but I do like a good laugh. I was laughing at my dog on Monday only for a hour later to be down. phones for Room 101 deffo.

  • It sounds like you need time of on a weekly basis so you are able to relax.

    One thing you could do is learn to say no, sometimes.

    With regards to your Mother talk to Her and explain you need time off so you can relax or you will burn out. If this fails to work talk to your GP and explain the situation. It may be they can arrange a Day Centre for your Mam and there may be able to house Her in a Nursing Home Environment for a period of two or so weeks where they can assess your Mothers condition and needs, this could allow you to take an extended period of break and allow you a possible holiday.

    I cannot imagine your Mother not agreeing to this as long as she knows She will return home when you return. We all need a period of time for relaxation you are no different


  • woke up today was speaking to mum about something at first she just doesn't answer or talks completely over me or jump subject,this is really nice make you feel great about yourself. maybe I am to soft,back in January I even tried a few days not speaking to her,to take time out.she did not like this at all. I love my mum to bits but I actually feel she gets a kick out of seeing me miserable. my friend who had a heart attack did everything for his mum garden,house work when he died age 46 his mum turned around and says I don't no what I am going to do I have lost my gardener now,i was taken back thinking to myself he was my best mate and I worked with him and he was your son not a servant. I think this about myself if I was gone who would do the garden,walk the dog,do the hoovering. life sucks.

  • If you are still suffering grief regarding your Father, it can take upwards of two years to return to some form of normality.

    It is also important that you are able to talk out your loss, with family, this can be bitter, sweet and can help you heal.

    If this is not possible consider an appointment with the GP they can arrange sessions where you could talk out your loss. You need to grieve with those you love


  • I have just been in the side garden cutting grass it started raining as is does all time,can't feel my left leg pulled something in it 2 weeks ago,my right arm is also numb, my mum has just been to the doctors and asked me to do some potatoes when she is out,i did them for her she has just come back in and says I did not want potatoes I wanted them sliced for chips, are my seeing the full picture here or just being paranoid,i am honestly starting to think she wants me gone. mind her dad was a complete .....he threw my nan down the stairs when I was just a kid,maybe this runs in the family, she never says please either. it's have you done that, open this. like I am a piece of shit.

  • No I don't think that you are being paranoid. Mother's do tend to take their offspring for granted, some think it their god given right to do so, but bear in mind that your mother is also ageing. Ageing can play havoc with reasonable thought as brain cells deteriorate. They can also be influenced by medication, diet and many other factors. All of these can influence personality.

    Many of us have a concept in our heads, when we say something, that is not reflected in our words. Your mother wanted chips and expected you to be psychic when she ordered potatoes to be peeled. In reality keeping them whole and chopping at the point of requirement is the better way as it holds more of the few nutrients in. You could tell her this next time or just say 'yes mother!' in an exasperated fashion ;)

    You need a break koolkenny77. Time to recoup your energies. Is there no way you can get away for a few days, or ship mother off to stay with some other relative for a while?

  • Hi linlow thankyou for you kind thoughts. I look after my dads garden I have OSD and everything has to be spot on, I have my hedge shapes King Charles,a bird in the front I am busy growing the right wing, 3 dogs in the back plus my chicken,no not real but shaped into the hedge,as this is ordinary hedge and not boxed it can be tricky,but it is a hobby of mine I have a big garden,i also have my dads ashes in the garden,now this is how annoying mam can be,she will not say oh the gardens lovely,she will say you have to many plants then order some more on Amazon. I could actually scream at times, also my neighbour had a tree to cut down so I did it on Sunday pained to death in my legs,after I did this the woman says oh are you finished I replied yes I have done 4 hours,i am taking Ollie for a walk,she then says I think it's rain I don't think you should walk the dog. what with her and mum I could walk and walk and walk. I am going to watch One Foot In The Grave which was brilliant I need a good laugh, I might sound miserable but only when the people around me make me so.

  • You're not miserable, you have a good sense of humour but you live surrounded by too many old folks. You're stressed out and need an outlet for that stress otherwise it will all get on top of you. That is what we are all for - listening to you moan so that your blood pressure doesn't soar through the roof.

    I love the sound of your garden and wish you lived next door to me - no trees to chop down but my hedge is desperate for a trim, though it does need straight edges to allow room for the fruit trees ;)

  • You must remember people who use Facebook and Twitter only post what they want others to see. I personally think Facebook should be banned it causes a great deal of harm to many people daft enough to get involved with it. I really would advise against Facebook and Internet social sites. It's great you have a lovely dog who can go for walks with you, best thing you could do is do some volunteering work that way you will meet people your own age again

  • It would seem by many you are outstaying your welcome, if you can get out go.

    Do some research and start your own life and future


  • Hi I would have moved years ago but I looked after dad, then my mum was back and forward to the hospital. I have a sister but she depends on a wheel chair and lives miles away, I also have nieces but they all work and I don't like troubling anyone. when I was looking after dad taking him out in the wheel chair I really enjoyed it and I knew there wasn't long left for him so every single minute was precious to me.

  • Anyone remember the brilliant Timothy Lumsden played by the late Ronnie Corbett in 80s comedy 'Sorry' little did I know watching this when younger that was going to be me, yes I can still laugh about things,laughter is the perfect medicine,don't need pills, give me Laurel and Hardy,Fawlty Towers or the great Peter Sellers anyday,, dog 2. music-all types 3. a good comedy or film or horror movie 4. soaps and news are a miss. It would be interesting to see those people who watch EastEnders how many of them are depressed,i reckon a lot. never seen it since the 80s. it always amazes me people who say Its miserable still watch it,like my mum. sorry to all readers I do waffle on about nothing must apologize.

  • Does anyone on here suffer from really bad stiff neck, being hot all the time or a burning down either arm but no redness. I have asked my doctor about the heat in my arm. also I know people have eye floaters but do you get eye flashes with coloured zigzag where you can't focus on anything for 20 minutes or so,i just had one of these flashes last week, they are something to do with Migraine. Youtube is great for checking out eye flashes etc,I didn't think they would be on but everything is on You Tube. the doctor just looks at me like I am mad,could be right I am falling to pieces.

  • I suffer spine and neck problems caused by a car accident and PSA.

    My hips are affected as are hips, so my medications are very strong.

    Discuss your problems again and be persistent if you feel something is wrong.


  • Hi, So Sorry you are going through this, and i want to tell youy husband passed away this past October and i am nowhere near over the greiving and just missing him. I yo have my dog keeps me going. I had to pack up and move on top of hos passing back home am currently living with my sister and thats not going well. I feel like you is this it? Well at least we are at the right place we all care here. Take care and i hope you find happiness ☺

  • Hi been busy all day catching up with the garden which is endless,i have obsession with cutings along with my OSD. thank you for reply Stinkbug05. death is a terrible thing but something you learn to deal with unfortunately. I lost my nan to a drink driver when I was 5,lost my best mate and cousin when he was 14,lost my dad age 62 to cancer and my other best friend and co worker 3 years ago he had a massive heart attack,it's been tough because the two people I used to tell things to are now gone. life is so cruel I mean my dad worked hard and never seen a pension,my dads dad only make it to 63 aswell,but he was a smoker,my dad wasn't I am not either. family are there but my sister is not well at all and I don't have any brothers, Ollie my dog was my saviour I love him to bits. when I go out for walks I see people leaving there dogs outside supermarkets,i would never do this,if I lost Ollie I just don't no,i couldn''t bear it he is the only thing to keep me going.