What's wrong with me

[Help-me]

Hello... I'm new to all this and I'm not sure where to start or what to say so I will start with something I don't find to hard to talk about.

I'm 32 and as a child I was beaten by my dad (I've dealt with this and come to terms with it)

I made a new friend when I was 12. I didn't see what he was doing. I didn't understand. I was being mentally abused and manipulated into thinking I was in love.

By the time I was 14 I was under his spell. I believed Im worthless and that no one would miss me. I moved in to his flat and things just kept getting worse.

I fell pregnant. This opened my eyes and I moved back home to my mums and lived many years trying to rebuild myself.

In 2009 my world fell apart when my mum died.

This was just the start of the hell I'm living every day...

[Skyrim]

Have you spoke to a councillor or a local doctor about this? They are really helpful and can help you deal with these issues.

[Help-me in reply to Skyrim]

I've seen councillor once a week for 6 weeks but he just sent me home to read a book about how to become a councillor.

As for my doctor I've tried to talk to them but due to 10 minute time slots I don't get a chance. I just get given pills and sent home.

I managed to get an appointment with someone on the mental health team at the hospital. They asked me what the date was and what floor of the building we was on and what's 100 take away 7.

I didn't see the point of this so I tried to talk to them about needing help and they just said can you answer the questions please.

I gave up and went home.

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Help-me]

I think you need to try them again and explain what your difficulties are. Even if this means another talk with your doctor and another referral to mental health. Maybe have a practice on here at writing down what it is you want to discuss with them and then you could print off the page and show it to them if you feel they are not listening sufficiently to your concerns. What for example has happened between when your mum died and now? How have things been for you? Best of luck. Gemma x

[20Voices]

Hi, and welcome.

I would suggest that if you haven't already that you speak to your GP or someone like a counsellor or psychologist.

If you have already spoken to your GP then I would suggest making sure that you are not just put on medication without getting help with how you cope with your past and to help you process through how you are feeling now.

There is great advise on here from others as to what has helped them and I came back after a break to start posting again as I found this forum a really great help to me and I wanted to keep sharing my experiences.

I am also going to say that if you are ever in a dark place and need quick advise that you please call someone. There are lots of help out there, breathing space and the samaritans are there for when we are struggling. I made the mistake of thinking these services were meant for people in a worse situation than myself, but was so glad of just being able to talk to someone when I was in a really bad place.

Take care and keep posting here.