Not Knowing what's wrong and a miss diagnose from doctors

[thrillseeker]

Hi all my name is Ian I had a lot of people saying I a selfish or feeling sorry for my self I don't an am not selfish I have pushed people away from me like my brothers and sisters and other family members I can't seem to do nothing right and push people away from me like my gf she's amazing an all but why am I pushing people away I disengage when there is a venu going off or I have been invited to the kids school oh and I am a dad of 3 boys had them for 9 years now just feels like am in a dark place an can't get out....Thing Is should I be taking this medication been in it for over 10 years on and off every time they bring me off it they have to put me back on it as I get low moods and get really angry could be at nothing or the way some one has looked at me I don't know if I am meant to feel anything but I just feel trapped and alone why me.. I am 38 and I havr tried taking my life when I was in my early years it all began when I was 12 then I didn't like been around people and didn't like who I was got kicked out of school because the teachers couldn't handle me, seems like every time I go to see the doctor he over looks things an says the medication is doing its job I am on 150 mg or sertraline and 25 mg amitriptyline this one is for nerve pain feel it's working for nerve pain but why do I feel like am a blank canvas... It feels like am on the out side trying to get back with in seeing everyone pass me by an not giving me the time of day.

A few weeks ago I blow my top at the guy next door he pointed his motor bike at my front door and when I said erm can I just ask why your doing that because all the fumes are going in my house he looked over his shoulder and turned back I don't like been ignored and the fact that they have been on my case for the past 3 years of me living in this house I said once again erm can you answer me.... Blanked as he moved from his bike and looked at me I then kicked off calling him a silly old man that's going to push me the wrong way swearing an calling him something he did to his wife... How ever I feel like am trapped in side this body an can't seem to get any help my girlfriend helps me sometimes but I find it hard to talk and this has been long over due because I have been meaning to write some thing but been putting it off for ages I have come on here to let it out

[WantToChange]

Pushing people away is normal for a depressive. Most depressives do this. Your anger will come from the depression too. It sounds like you really need these meds so prob best for you to stay on them as long as the doctor doesn't feel this would be bad for your health. You anger will cause you to lash out, which again is normal. Maybe you can enrol on some kind of anger management course? Or look on Google for ways to control it yourself.

Most depressives find it hard to talk and open up. I never did but I suffer more rom anxiety but have had situation depression at points in my life. I always found it easy and helped to open up. But only if people were understanding or sympathetic. If they dismissed me it made it worse. That's why it's important to talk to the right person.

Coming on here has been a big step for you - to open up and ask for advice. You should be proud of that. Maybe look on some self-help websites and see if you think anything could help you. Myabe request a different doctor or move to a different surgery? Some doctors have lost sympathy or motivation and that's just the way it is. But lots still do their job properly. Keep coming on here as nobody here will judge you as we are all going through the same things. It's good to let things out on her, I have found it helpful and we will always try to help you as best we can.

Good luck xx

[thrillseeker in reply to WantToChange]

Its not that I don't want to get better I have had this now for a long time been apart of my accident but I feel like cracking up I had at one point had enough of it a few years ago I asked to be put in hospital as life at that time was really hard if it wasn't for my kids I wouldn't be here today then came the diazepam only 10mg because I needed to slow my thinking down I was told that this would help me I was on it for a month then was weened off it felt OK, while I was on these I was made homeless and once I got me and my boys into a home again it all started again I couldn't cope at all things have just got worse. thanks for you comment

thanks Ian

[Golfer15]

Hi Ian, you definitely arent alone in this. I can relate to much that you have said.

I cant see a way forward at the moment. I feel lost in life. Im 49 and made redundant 6 months ago.

I had quite a few days of work with depression and then had my hours reduced but then my boss told me they couldnt afford to keep me on. She insisted it wasnt to with my illness but Im not sure.

Im on 100mg of sertraline but that isnt really helping. At least Im still here. I just have to keep going.

Good luck and keep in touch.

David

[squirrel2 in reply to Golfer15]

Ian and David

Have either one of you tried lithium or wellbutrin?

I am bipolar and had bad anger issues also

But these two helped me tremendously. Still get angry but not nearly as often.

Colleen

[thrillseeker in reply to squirrel2]

the doctor seems to think because i cant come up with the right things i am just depressed diazepam helped me i was feeling so good then came the time i came off them when down hill again then feeling high an low while been on sertraline 150mg is sort of working just feel crap at time too

[thrillseeker in reply to Golfer15]

I don't like going to local shops I don't like letting people in my home I don't want to open my front door to anyone my girlfriend come round and will pick things up for me if I need stuff from shops I feel like I cant go on any more

[Hidden in reply to Golfer15]

Maybe you need the meds increased to 150 mg David. I am on sertraline and found that 100 mg wasn't enough. I found 150 mg was much better.

I was off sick in 2010 and was dismissed and I can't get another job now I am 60, have copd and was sacked so haven't worked since. I hope you manage to. x

[luvrock]

Thrill seeker, I completely understand how you feel. It's a very lonely feeling, no one understands, because we "LOOK" fine, they think we are fine. I, myself have been in a hole. I am 46, quit my job in August and feel so unmotivated. I want to sleep all day. I have only 1 son. If it wasn't for him, my boyfriend and my dog, I would probably be in bed all day. But isn't it true that when we do get out of bed to be productive with friends or family we feel better?I know it's for the moment because I am always looking forward to just relaxing at home. Hoping to be able to get a nap.

When you say you push people away, I think it might be because you can't be there for them. It's so hard when you are trying to figure out how to get out of this hole your in. It consumes every minute of every day. My aunt committed suicide and my other aunt is mentally ill, so I am very concerned for my future. I don't want to kill myself, I just wish life was easier.

When you speak of your neighbor and the fumes, boy, do I know about that. I lived next to someone who has about 6 hotrods. Between him and his son revving the engine 5 feet from my son's bedroom, I was not happy. One day I did explode and said how rude it was and how we and the neighbors don't want to hear or smell it!! And of course, I felt bad and apologized right away.

I just read today that depressed people think too much. Isn't that the truth!!! I hope you know that you are not alone. If our family and friends don't understand, then the people here do.

Thank God for this forum.