*TRIGGER WARNING* Should I tell him? - Mental Health Sup...

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*TRIGGER WARNING* Should I tell him?

_adrift profile image

Hey. I've just recently joined and this is my first post so bear with..

Very long story short, for the past few months I've been feeling very low, overwhelmed, lost and just generally feeling like I'm struggling daily.

I finally built myself up and told my husband and got absolutely nothing. I tried again and tried to explain myself more. Which is almost impossible when you don't even understand what's going on in your head yourself. No response what so ever and it has not been discussed since.

During these months I have also relapsed with self harming. To a point that I am now doing this at least once a day.

I guess this post is just looking for some advice... should I try again with my husband and tell him about the self harming this time or no? I have spoken to a very close friend too but have not mentioned the self harming.

I am aware the obvious answer is "yes tell your husband" but right now it feels like self harming is the only thing that helps.

Sorry for the long post x

8 Replies


Oh dear, don't do that to yourself. I understand that people would do that out of the stress and the depression on their hearts.

Sweetheart, I feel like u have 2 options, in my point of view, first u can tell ur husband about this thing, and have the chance to explain more about how do u feel. On the other hand, maybe he will not get it, I had someone like ur husband, they will not understand us emotionally they will see it like something unnecessary.

Otherwise, just don't tell him and fight against what u have, and kill all those feelings, it's hard kinda but u have to move on. Usually I would listen to some music to forget all my problems.

Or u can find the right person who will make u more comfortable to express all ur feelings.

I am sorry for the long replay.

Hello Adrift, I think self harming scares people. They don't understand it or know what to say to you about it. Usually when you tell someone about a problem you only want them to listen to you, but they think they have to solve the problem . If you are seeing someone a professional why would you tell your husband the details ? I've just started a therapy session and whatever is said there is only between me and the therapist. I do think your husband's reaction is unusual What do you think that's about ?. Pam

Hi there,

How did your husband respond when you spoke to him? What's he normally like? Not everyone understands mental illness or knows how to respond when someone shares with them. It may be that he is scared of saying the wrong thing or making things worse for you. Do you know what kind of support and response you would like from him?

Is anyone else helping you with how you are feeling at the moment? It sounds like things are really tough.

Thank you all for your replies. I told him, absolutely everything. He said he was scared to say the wrong thing and never realised how bad things had gotten with me.

I still feel scared but I know it's better I spoke to him.

Thanks everyone.

everyrose profile image
everyrose in reply to _adrift

Glad you were able to speak to him. Let us know how you are doing 🙂

Stilltrying_ profile image
Stilltrying_ in reply to _adrift

I'm glad he responded positively. Don't overdo it though as I have and keep on talking about it (though it was a different topic but still beginning with S) till someone gets fed up of me and walks away. It is so hard as we are suffering but also bear in mind it's a burden to them as well as they care about you and want to help but often don't know what to say and can even "run away"if they feel you keep repeating yourself which I know I do. I'm not saying that you have. Just be careful, that's all. You don't want to end up like me and losing friends.


Whatever you decide first go and see your GP and explain how you are feeling. Make a list of the salient points associated with your illness, I would advise you make a double appointment to give yourself time for all explanations and questions and see what is suggested.

Do you know why you feel the way you do, to know the reasons will help you work through your problems

Regards your Husband, many people just do not understand mental health issues and it may take time for him to accept your problem.

However please make that appointment it could be the beginning of you understanding why you feel the way you do


Update.. thank you all for taking he time to reply to me. I really do appreciate it.

Things with my husband improved for a short while. I get not everyone understands mental health and I think that’s where he was, he was scared to say or do the wrong thing. So now he just says nothing.

Regardless, I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow morning. I’m terrified but I know I need to go.

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