Ugh another day

[mdowning81]

Today is proving to be another difficult day. I am at work and everyone says that is a good thing, but is it really if I just keep finding places to hide and cry?

[WantToChange]

I know how you feel. Sometimes I just have to go to the bathroom and cry coz if I don't someone will notice

[mdowning81 in reply to WantToChange]

I had a co worker stop in my office this morning just to say hi and they asked how I was doing and I just broke down. They now what I have been going through because we both are part of a Christian Mens group, but this is the first time he has seen me like that. He handled it very well and said a prayer for me, but I feel like a failure for not being able to hold it together at work.

[Hidden in reply to mdowning81]

Depression and Anxiety can look like a weakness in many peoples eyes, however remember it takes strength to admit you are not well. You are what you are, hopefully you will eventually learn how to control this illness and move onto a better place given time and understanding. Remember there are techniques that may help you. Your GP my help you move on and deal with your concerns

BOB

[mdowning81 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks BOB. I have been seeing a therapist and taking medication. The past 3-4 weeks had been going ok. I was able to grin and bare it and fake it through each day which I thought meant I was making progress, or at least that is what everyone told me. These past 3 or 4 days feel like I'm right back at square one, uncontrollable emotions fear of the simplist tasks and a deep sadness. I thought I had developed ways to cope but once these hit I quickly realized I'm not quite there

[Hidden in reply to mdowning81]

Give your medications time to work. hopefully you will get some benefit and you will be able to address your Mental Health Concerns.

In my case I can be very cold to those around me and it can take time for me to understand those around me Interaction generally is very hard and my Wife Hazel generally has to step in and protect my mood if people irritate me. In my case I am very much able to blog my thoughts and that is a great help for me. I can also loose myself in my diversions and interests, Our Dog Pax is becoming more understanding of my needs and can pick up on problems I may have with others.

It does get easier given time and you will learn ways to protect any concerns you may have regard people you do not know.

One problem I have is when we have workmen in the house, I move away from where they are and leave any decisions to my Wife. Today we had an electric fault, Hazel called the Electrician, when They arrived I disappeared, even though I have known them now for over five years, they know me and deal with my Wife. they are nice people, just I prefer to leave decisions alone.

We have a gardener around tomorrow to clip the hedges, nice man I prefer to keep in the background

BOB

[WantToChange in reply to mdowning81]

I know how that feels. There's something really silly that gets me down at times and I feel weak for it. Also I can't cope with much before I get burn out which has been the case for me for the last couple of years. Don't know if I'll ever have the energy to take on more than a part time job and one social outing per week. I need to sleep 9-10 hours a day just to hold it together. I was crying in the bathroom today at work, things always catch up to me

[mdowning81 in reply to WantToChange]

Yeah I dont know what has spurred on this deep sense of hopelessness and uncontrollable crying the past few days. Things had been going along ok the past few weeks, I felt like crap but was able to fake it and make it through each day. I guess I just hit a breaking point and all the emotions I've held in are coming out now.

[kellypmsw in reply to mdowning81]

You’re not a failure. I used to cry in the bathroom at work all the time. It signaled to me I needed a stress leave ....is that an option for you?

[WantToChange in reply to kellypmsw]

I actually had long-term stress leave already haha. I am in CBT which is helping massively. I used to feel bad for weeks at a time but now it only lasts a couple of days. In terms of stress I'm better now too but still a working progress lol x