need a name or a diagnosis for what i'm feeling.

[linjuini]

hello! i'm really new to this but let me start off with the basics.

my name is cheyenne, i'm 16 and i have a multitude of issues but the one i'm trying to focus on is my inability to do anything. now, that might sound like laziness or a carried out side effect of depression but i feel very strongly like it isn't.

my mother is my absolute best friend. we don't agree on a lot of things but we look out for eachother and agree when it counts. we also fight a lot; bumping heads on little things. one thing we frequently argue about is the state of our house. it isn't that bad but it's a lil messy and could be a lot better. she works for rideshare services like uber and lyft so she's out a lot of the night and that leaves me alone at home. she'll ask me to do something or say that she can't wait to see what i've done. thing is, however, i haven't done anything. it's not even procrastinating it until the last minute. it just doesn't happen. and again, she's my best friend. i want to clean the house head to toe and do everything for her but i don't. it's not that i'm not unmotivated, because i try to avoid our fight that come as a result of my not doing anything. it's me sitting on my bed scrolling through mindless apps and playing games and looking at the clock to set time goals when "i'm really gonna get up and do something" but i. never. do. it's me playing a video game with a hole in my gut and my anxiety and stress levels on the rise because i KNOW i need to be doing this one thing but i can not bring myself to do it. i do have ADHD, depression due to an absent parent, anxiety and PTSD from some horrible things that happened to me as a young child but i do not comprehend this. i feel the need to mention that i am fully functional as well; i have a 4.3 GPA, colleges already showing interest in me and i can eat, sleep, and poop as well as anyone else. i don't have much of a social life as of the past few months because i get a scary feeling in my gut whenever plans arise and i completely flake out. showering is also an issue, i do like taking showers and i love being clean but it's the same thing-- i can't bring myself to do it.

i really am concerned about what this means and what i could have- or if it's a result of something i already possess. i just know that if i have to look up "why don't i do anything" one more time, i'm going to drive myself crazy.

please, if you know what this could be or if you have something similar? let me know because i need to be a better daughter but i have an obscene urge to stay the same and do nothing all the time.

[Suzie40]

Hey there and welcome. I am a Mum of an 18 and 13 year old who also don't do anything. I'm not trying to belittle what your saying, as I can see how much it's upsetting you, I just wonder how much your beating yourself up over things your Mum is asking you to do.

You're doing well at school, so I'm assuming you must be putting time into revising and homework? That takes a lot of effort and work.

Not being able to do stuff is a symptom of depression, which you say you have. I also have depression and I get days where even the tiniest of chores seem like a mountain to climb.

Could you perhaps set yourself a list of things that might be achievable? Even something like emptying a bin or putting some laundry away?

[linjuini in reply to Suzie40]

i have made lists and set goals, all of which fall apart because i don't follow through. she will take a privilege away for not having done something and somehow i either do it half-assedly or i don't do it at all. i'll be sitting and freaking out knowing that something has to be done but i just don't. it should also be noted that she refuses to take me to a psychiatrist or a psychologist to dive into what's wrong with me. she just tells me what's wrong with me and belittles any symptom i have. the other day i was having a really intense panic attack and she just goes "oh another one? really? that's great let's just have another panic attack!" and it's just a cycle i can't seem to get out of.

[Suzie40 in reply to linjuini]

I think there is someone else in your house might have a problem that needs addressing ...