My loneliness is like a the darkness - sweeping in and covering me whole.

[crazycara]

So I'm back to square one today. The boyfriend has left to go back to Plymouth (I'm in Nottingham - long distance) and the loneliness is creeping back in.

I don't know what to do, all my friends are busy and tbh I'm too ill to really do anything anyway. I hate the fact that literally all my friends are couples... The two people I live with have their own partners.

I just feel like someone has it in for me, to make this increasingly difficult, sometimes I feel like they are rubbing it in. I feel I'm starting to get angry towards my friends. I don't want to do this, I do love my friends, I just want and need people to hang out with, without the attached person, otherwise they are just all over each other and that just makes it worse because I'm in a long distance and I hardly get to see my boyfriend.

I'm crying now as I write this because I just feel so awful. I have no where to go, no one to hang out with. It's not even just my boyfriend I miss, it's company. You'd think being in University I'd have a shit load of friends, but truth be told, I do not. I have my small group who are all couples inside of it. And they are all mostly busy anyways.

I just don't want to feel like this anymore, I want to be my strong independent self again, without all this emotional baggage.

[Gambit62]

Try to remember the time you did have with your boyfriend if you can and remember that even though he isn't there at the moment you will be with him again.

I grew up in an age before the internet and mobile phones. My boyfriend grew up in an age before the phone so being apart had very different connotations. Not saying that you have it easy - just that some of the rest of us were lucky in a way to grow up with a different framework for being apart - he finds it easier than I do because he also had to live through periods of being stationed away from those he loved with even limited communication by letter.

Don't know if this helps but orthodox jewish practice includes periods where physical contact is severely limited - and this has been linked to keeping relationships much fresher - it doesn't give you the opportunity to become complacent about physical contact so you continue to appreciate the physical contact and intimacy long after it has gone stale for other people. so, there could be some pro's to being apart though I know it's a really difficult place to be in.

Can appreciate that you find it difficult to be with canoodling couples - bit insensitive of them ... the world has changed so much ... as I reflect each time I find myself eating a sandwich in the street and reflect back to being told that eating in the street was totally unacceptable when I was at school

I hated my time at Uni - didn't manage to form any real relationships but that wasn't really the reason - hope you manage to find a place where you can just be with other people - do you have a hobby that isn't part of your course but may be there is a club you could join ... or may be something in the area that isn't actually connected to the Uni?

[crazycara in reply to Gambit62]

I do like to think of our time together, it just makes me a little sadder, for the fact he isn't here anymore. Though I'm trying to look forward to the motorbike show this weekend, should be good - I've never been before and I'm looking forward to getting a new motorcycle jacket and boots for Christmas, plus with my extremely busy week this week, it's got to the point where it is so busy it's daunting. I'm trying not to chicken out on anything and go to everything I've planned otherwise I'll just stay at this state.

I have joined societies, but they only meet once a week sometimes twice, it's just hard to make some friends as people are very cliquey in University I find.

x

[Gambit62 in reply to crazycara]

Hope next weekend goes well.

Good that you have managed to join a few societies and are keeping busy but don't get cross with yourself if it ends up being a bit much and you have to drop out of something.

Hope you find a good jacket and boots at the weekend.

[crazycara in reply to Gambit62]

thank you! I will definitely try! x

[ThemysciraDrive]

It's a small world - I was long distance for three years after Uni with someone from near Nottingham.

Totally get the thing with other couples. That really does suck. I used to find that hard when long distance as well. Can you arrange to meet up with them one at a time for coffee or something? Or just tell them you find it difficult when they're all couple-y. It's perfectly understandable - they probably just don't realise how it upsets you.

Are there any Uni societies you could join? They can be quite good for making friends as you already have ready-made common ground.

Understand about feeling like someone has it in for you - feel like that quite often. I think that's just the depression convincing us we're doomed when in reality it's nothing of the sort.

[crazycara in reply to ThemysciraDrive]

Finally someone with a situation like mine! I was starting to think I was the only one! Which is ridiculous. But yes it is hard, I have joined some societies like Pole Dancing and Trent TV, though these things are once a week at most so it's difficult to continue to be busy with it constantly.

They do realise, the ones I have spoken too. Though my housemate is constantly locked in his room nowadays, with either just himself or his ''girlfriend'' which they always have sex like 4 times a day... She finally left and I asked if he wanted to watch I'm a Celebrity with me (we did last year and I'm still feeling lonely) and he just blew me off for a game online...

I'm just finding it hard to really be happy when I'm a lone, I've always struggled with being alone, but recently it's just got so much worse, that I'd avoid it at all costs, and yet I cant.

x

[ThemysciraDrive in reply to crazycara]

Long distance doesn't have to be rubbish. With a bit of thought it can just be different. How often do you see each other? And how are things when you're apart - do you speak/text a lot?

[crazycara in reply to ThemysciraDrive]

yeah we do text and speak often, we enjoy talking to each other, sometimes we even fall asleep together with skype on haha sometimes I don't get to see him for a whole month, but we try and avoid that x

[Holly101]

Hi Cara,

Don't forget you've got lots of friends on here too!

And we're always here for you, and you're never too ill for us, though I don't think you're too ill

for your friends in real life either..

You are strong and independent, you just don't know it, coz you keep telling yourself your not!

Your subconscious is a very powerful thing, so keep telling yourself you can cope on your own, you're strong

and independent, keep feeding it positive things about yourself.

I know it sounds a bit daft, but it does work!

The way you think affects the way you feel and that in turn affects the way you act, so go girl, be strong!!

Love and strong vibes, Holly

[crazycara in reply to Holly101]

Yeah, it's nice the support I get from this website, I try to be strong and independent but it's difficult, my confidence always just brings me back and down, that's what I struggle with the most I think. x