The In-Laws

[AmeliaIvy]

Sorry guys, me again.

I currently live with my partner and his parents. We're moving out at the end of May into our own place (finally!). The problem is, she's not very open minded when it comes to mental illness. She thinks we all put it on and we should just "snap out of it". I've attempted numerous times to try and speak to her about it to get her to even remotely understand just how I'm feeling and how she could help me when I'm having tough days but, nothing works. She doesn't understand that when I'm feeling low I like t live in my bedroom due to the fact she constantly moans and has a go over nothing which makes me 1000% worse than what I feel.

Anyway, today is one of them days! My partner goes downstairs and makes a coffee, she shouts and screams at him calling me bone idle and lazy etc. I wouldn't mind but because I'm off work and when everyone else's at work, I blitz the house. I do the washing, washing up, cleaning, you name it even when I really cant be bothered, I do it anyway because I have to, to avoid that shouting match.

I don't know how to handle this situation because living here is making me worse. She expects us to drop everything what we're doing, cancel days out and trips out just so one of us can take her shopping. (there's nothing psychically wrong with her, she just cant be bothered walking so we have to drive her.) It really grates on me.

This is more of a rant than anything.

[celtic2746]

Hi thatlawren  shame you partners  mum's giving a hard time were is he when this is going on he can't be working all the time  he needs to grow a backbone and start by letting his mother know he's not going to stand by and watch you being belittled ! It may be worth getting some leaflets on mental health as this may help her better understand your illness ! Take care david x

[AmeliaIvy in reply to celtic2746]

Hi Celtic, he does stand by me each time. She drags him down as much as me he just copes with it better. We both can't wait to get out of here x

[Photogeek]

Hi there and sorry your future Mother in law is a nightmare. Why are ye living with

Her? I would move, your health is the most important, I would not waste your

Time or breath on trying to tell her about Depression, also she might just resent 

Ye staying there. My advice is Pack your bags and move out, what the heck are you

Doing with a woman like that? ITs not worth it and it's your choice and you can

Make a choice to move out pronto. Good luck.

Hannah

[AmeliaIvy in reply to Photogeek]

Hey, we have no choice. I would have nowhere to live if I moved out. Id be homeless. That's the only reason I'm staying here is because of that. x

[Hidden]

Hi I agree with Hannah.  Don't even try and talk about it with her,  in fact try and avoid her as far as possible.  Don't rise to the bait and just laugh at her.   She is only doing it because she can get away with it.   If you were going to be staying there I would say stand up for yourself and show some strength (this applies to your bf as well).

However as you are due to move out soon just hang on and keep calm.  When she starts yelling and shouting just think instead of how lovely it will be for you and your partner to be in your own place.  Think about the decorations you will have and the furniture instead.   This will take your mind off it. 

When you do move ensure you both lay down rules on how often they can visit otherwise you might be stuck with her all the time.  Be firm when you have your own home coz if you are not the nightmare will continue.  x

[AmeliaIvy in reply to Hidden]

Hi, I agree with her too. Ive already put my foot down in regards to the house and she knows her place when the day comes and we do move. Its just financial matters now that are getting too us as you can imagine how expensive it is! But, we're coping x

[patliputra]

Its all about crisis of faith. Neither you nor your in law has any faith on each other. So if your  partner always support you,that is making situation all the more worse. So there has to be some one  to bridge the gap between you two. And no one is better placed than your hubby. It will a slow process needing a lot of patience.

Take care

Good luck.

[deejames]

Can I just ask how long you have been living g there and who's idea was it. Did she invite you ? Was she your haven at one time when you had nowhere else to go and if so how did it go sour ? 

Have you ever questioned if there is a reason she is like this or do you think it's her nature ? You have only a few weeks to go so maybe just doing the best you can to make things as harmonious as possible until you do  ?

Its never good sharing a living space when there is a bad atmosphere.

Dee

[AmeliaIvy in reply to deejames]

Ive been living here over a year now. It was a mutual idea because at the time I was pretty much homeless and kipping on a friends couch. Shes going through the change so her moods are all over and when shes bad, she's horrible to everyone and it just so happens me and my partner are usually the targets.

Yeah that's what I'm thinking. We're moving out at the end of May so just put up with it until then as hard as it is sometimes.

[Findingme]

All in all it is better for people to try to communicate with each other, respect a persons need for space, and to find a way to work as a team. It is admirable that you do the cleaning etc, which is fair enough given she is giving you a place to live, but thanks would be appreciated too.

It could be that she follows the saying that ' Beggars can't be choosers'. Basically she feels that because you are in her house she has the right to comment on your life, criticise you, and demand you attend to her needs. Well that is all well and good, but there is another saying. "What goes around comes around". She had better hope she is never in need of living with you. Personally I do not think the menopause is an excuse for being horrible. It may make someone moody, but a decent person would apologise later for being snappy, not use it to get their own way.