Depression is still (stalking me)

[Ghostonmars]

Depression does not hide in bushes watching me through the window....its worst its inbuilt i carry it around like a wallet in my back pocket. i cant leave it at home....cant get a injunction so it can not come near me ...its like a bad tattoo that cant be covered ...so 2018 seems ,depression is trying to be my best friend again ,..i wish i could say ,i can leave all emotions,feelings related to this condition behind and start 2018 fresh ..but that would be lying...its something i have to beat...a personal battle .it is not going to win...it is a tough apponent to beat it keeps flooring me..i have to get back up other wise all is lost...so 2018 more medication, more trips to doctors, more m/h clinics .hopefully i can learn to trust and let people in. I would like to have a relationship this year as i have alot to offer .... we will see...been a while since i have held any one in my arms..and felt whole, complete...would like to say a big thank you for this site and my new family .(all of u guys) remember please reach out if u need to talk ..it does help...peace...

[LesleyOH]

The opening sentences to your post are beautifully put. I love your realism and your optimism and wish you a new year that brings progress, peace and real hope that the best is yet to come xx

[Ghostonmars in reply to LesleyOH]

Thank you for kind words...x

[Ghostonmars in reply to LesleyOH]

Thank you...x

[welly10]

Well said I hope you get what you want 2018 its a fight we all are making and keep strong if you feel weak reach out out in any direction.

[Depresseddorset]

In time you will learn to control your emotions and also learn to trust someone.

I have lived with depression and anxiety from my school days with my current episode lasting 6 years to date. This episode follows a life changing illness that prevents me being who I think I should be.

I am recovering but it is taking a very long time, it can't be hurried.

I was helped,initially by another man with similar mental health issues,sadly he is no longer there for me and I haven't found someone else to trust yet. My doctor is very understanding and not judgemental and is helping me to set realistic goals. My support worker is equally as good so I have a lot to be thankful for but still need the (platonic) relationship that I had a few years ago. I am,however, making progress and should start to reduce my meds in the summer.

Try to focus on the future and be prepared for the long haul. This forum can give you a lot of suppor, you are not alone.

Take care

[Ghostonmars in reply to Depresseddorset]

Thank you for kind words

[Frozenimages]

It's good to hear people giving support and empathy. I come here to know I'm not alone either. I like the picture your post paints in my head. I sometimes feel that way. That creeping feeling like nothing is going to change, that eventually it will swallow me whole. I would like to believe in the concept of a fresh start and all that jazz that comes along with a new year, I can't though. Nothing feels different. Had a bad night. Was good for a little bit, then got bad. The suffocating thought of just wanting it to stop was slinking around in my head.

I hope that you do find that person that loves you wholly. It is worse to find yourself in a bad or abusive relationship with a person that doesn't love you how you deserve to be loved.

Here's to all of us that still keep moving forward. Even on the bad days where it seems like nothing will ever be okay. As long as we keep trying.

[Ghostonmars]

Thank you for kind words