Me again

Evening/morning guys. Its me again, sorry if I'm doing your head in but this is a place where I feel like home sometimes so I always come here daily.

Its my birthday on Tuesday and all I've done most of the day is sleep because I feel so low. I go back to work on the 18th on a phased return to slowly edge me back into it. I don't know how I feel about it to be honest, I know I need to go back because financially I cant afford to be off. I've worked since I was 14. This is my first time being off on sick leave.

Its becoming a viscous circle for me. I worry over money a lot due to being so independent from an early age and being paid SSP whilst moving house at the back end of May is killing me. I don't think I can do it.

My mum and best friend have offered to give me some money towards it all but even if we can move in, I don't think we'll have the money for setting up the water, gas, electric etc. But, I cant live here for any longer from my previous post. If I moved out now, Id be homeless and obviously, that's not good at all.

I just don't know what to do. Ive applied for a loan from my bank but I know it'll be rejected anyway.


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7 Replies

  • Hi lawren,  it is very frightening there is no disputing that, but a lot of the fears we have we are creating in our minds, not in reality. Don't get me wrong I am not saying your problems don't exist, but that the reality of the situation may not turn out as bad as it looks at the moment.

    We are now all bombarded with ideas of how we should live, what we should have in order to survive and our own expectations can be either impossible to achieve or fill us with fear.

    I am lucky that I grew up when these expectations weren't quite so high and sometimes have to keep reminding myself of past times. All my friends setting up home for the first time had nothing to put in it but whatever was donated, usually a deckchair and an old mattress thrown on the floor, we would all sit round on cushions drinking out of plastic breakers and having fun just talking.  And I am not that old! We got our first house when my two daughters were very young (we started off in a rented room then a flat) and our wages did not last the month, so I fed the family on food I could get growing wild, and oddly enough we were very happy and adventurous back then, I had a passion for cooking  and feeding them that never left me,  things were always improving and looking at what I have now it's a world apart.

    Try not to be so afraid of how you are going to manage, believe me you are going to be able to manage, and I hope also very happy with the change.

    You will be able to surprise yourself at what you can do on a shoestring, just try not to focus on what you don't have or what your expectations may be.

    I hope lots of good things come your way, just as they did for me when I needed them, lots of hugs, Moni x

  • Hi Moni, thanks for your kind words. They have actually settled me! I guess its all part of starting out your own home. I wouldn't mind eating from paper plates to save the washing up haha! We're both really excited as we're planning to start a family once we're settled too and finally have somewhere we can call home, especially for me. Ive moved from pillar to post since I was 14 due to a bad home life so for me, it's massive to have this x

  • I am so happy for you and life will be full of pleasant surprises some of the time, just hang on in there when it feels out of your control. Just think you know you can do better than what you experienced growing up and your going to be a fantastic parent yourself, maybe not always plain sailing, but certainly a lot of sunshine along the way xxx

  • Thank you. Its going to be a fun challenge! xxx

  • That's the attitude,  think of it as fun.   I totally agree with Moni that fear can be greater than the problem itself.    When I bought my first flat all my furniture was donated and I was very poor for ages.   But then I was buying in London (in the 80's) and I was on my own.   I managed and also got another job too (part time) to help out.   You will be fine.  x

  • Hello

    When we started we had very little, we had a small amount of furniture and a secondhand bed, our carpets were very old and when we moved out of the flat did not fit the floors, we had a small cooker that was second hand and nothing else really. We had a secondhand TV that had been played with by a electric hobbyist.

    Life was full of nothingness as far as contents were concerned and the house had been owned by two chain smokers so the walls were yellow wit tar and nicotine, when we started decorating we stabilised the walls and our hands were covered in tars from te cigs. When we eventually papered the tar started to leak through the wallpaper.

    All I can say things sort out. Many people starting out especially when young have problems. One thing you look for is appliances that students purchase in Argos everything you need is in collections of kitchen ware. Also decorating tools etc can be bought the same way.

    Eventually you will struggle like everyone does.


  • Hello. I'm glad you have some help from your family. Did you enjoy.your birthday at all, I hope so. I started off in a bedsit then a one bed flat, limited furniture after 5 odd years finally got a comfy longer three seater sofa. And my car, great. If you ever need to chat pm me.