Why?

[Jameslibr]

Hi. I'm a 44 year old man with 3 kids. Going through an amicable divorce. I've had to move out but I've bought a nice place even though it's hard to afford. I've met a great woman, who I love and she loves me. I can be having a great day with her, and as soon as I leave i can, though not always, feel so low suicidal thoughts start brewing. It really hurts to admit but even though I truly love my children I resent them. I feel they are stopping me being me. I get to see them often. Mid week and every other weekend but I get no pleasure from seeing them. Even today, Christmas day. I am on anti depressants, but the lows are still unbelievably low.

[sophgirl]

Hang in there buddy! There are so many changes in your life right now that anyone would have these lows. Be kind to yourself.... I am caring for the kids full time cuz hubby got laid off and got a job out of state . We moved cross country 3 yrs ago for his job which lasted till 2 months ago. So my depression relapsed after he took the out of state job offer. Too much change within 1 year are major stressors and leads to major depression or relapses. I'm also learning to talk to myself with compassion instead of being critical, and mindfulness breathing as well. Life is not easy so take it one day at a time. Keep talking to your doctors. I've doubled my Paxil 4 days ago so I'm learning to be patient and keep my mind from Intrusive negative thoughts too.

[sweetiepye]

This may sound harsh but I have always wondered why people going through an amicable divorce just don't work on their marriage . I've been married 53 years and it is work to stay in any relationship. Even friendship takes effort and care. It's troubling the way you feel about your children, have you always been indifferent or is it a result of your depression ?I think most people would say it's too soon to be thinking of a serious new relationship. It sounds as if you are dependent on your new friend and you should be working on your independence . Your children aren't stopping you from being you, they are stopping you from doing what you want to do. They are your responsibility . I know being depressed makes everything very hard, but we still have to make wise choices. Maybe for a short period of time you could arrange to see your kids a little less often with out making them feel at fault. They are probably having an adjustment right now. I'm sure this is difficult for all of you. Talk to your Doctor about your meds and how you are feeling. One more thing, I do understand that you love your children , but you can't just say it, you have to show it. Pam

[Photogeek in reply to sweetiepye]

Hi Pam what a wise and honest Post- I can never understand how people can so quickly start another relationship without looking at the reason behind the break up: Children are not the problem; they are children and he has to be the adult here and put their needs first:

Relationships take work and are not always easy; I think you are great and I always love your sensible honest posts;

I wish you a great 2018 and hope that you will continue to be the lovely kind and honest person that you are-

Hannah

[sweetiepye in reply to Photogeek]

Thank you Hannah, The hardest part for me is being honest and not crushing the persons feelings. Criticism easy to give and hard to take. I appreciate your kind words. Pam

[hypercat54]

I am glad you came in and said that Pam and you Hannah supporting it. I was thinking exactly the same things you both are but didn't know how to say it in the nice way you did Pam. Well said. Bev x

[sweetiepye]

Thank you hypercat, I'm sure you could have done just as well.