Why rejection by someone can spiral such depression!

[azunia]

Hello all,

I'm writing here aware that I might get told off for being unreasonable. I suffer from depression and have been taking medication for over a year. My main problem is very low self-esteem and dependence on acceptance from others. When people first meet me they think: what a pretty woman with a big smile! But..behind that smile I'm rotting. I destroy myself with most detrimental and self-demeaning thoughts, I constantly compare myself to others and every single little failure brings me down. I have recently been rejected by a man who seemed so interested in me but after a couple of romantic weekends decided I wasn't the one (he's my flat-mate as well..what an idiot am I, hey). Most people can deal with rejection in a couple of weeks, but I have been more and more down and it has started influencing my work and friendships. I'm just feeling so worthless! I cannot understand how one person can make me feel so low and down. It's like I'm dependant on love and acceptance from others. I'm in bed now, didn't go to work and cannot pull myself together. I know that my problems come from childhood experiences (I was rejected by a group of friends, my mum used to call me a monster sometimes (even though she loves me very much - there must have been a reason!) but is there a way to deal with self-destructive thoughts? There's also prevalent feeling of GUILT that comes with all this as there are people with such big problems that make mine just look hideous! I know that I have no right to suffer from depression but I'm unable to do stop it

Is there one person here with similar problem or am I the only idiot here..?

[missrat]

We don't need to have a 'right' to be depressed, any more than a 'right' to have diabetes or cancer. It is an illness. Are you having any treatment, especially talking treatment, that might help? I have problems with rejection and, at 66, have never had a date.

[azunia in reply to missrat]

Thank you so much for your response, it completely took me aback to read you've never had a date.. Fear of rejection can be so powerful that it can stop us from..being US and enjoying the company of others. We long for relationships with other people and at the same time we're terrified. That's me anyway. The only time I've been natural with someone was when they were totally into me and were constantly telling me how great I am. But this is not what relationships should be based on. And, in order to have stable relationships with other people, I need to find the way to love myself. And this seems impossible.

Talking therapy sounds good. Is it usually in groups or private 1 to 1 counselling?

[jasonpaul]

I know exactly how you feel , i drink too much and i know its slowly killing me , but its getting me through the depression , i feel sorry for the people that are going to be hurt one day .

I wish i could begin my life again and not had depression , or i should of fought harder to beat it .

[azunia in reply to jasonpaul]

OMG, drinking is not the way to get through this Jason.. I understand because when drinking I'd relax, be more open and happier, basically more fun! But it's not the way because the feeling the next day is even worse. That's why I stopped drinking even though I like myself more when I do. Don't add more problems to your portfolio Jason.. I wish I was able to convince you..

[Blondie94]

i'm glad i have found somebody that feels the same, i can completly relate to this. when rejected by the person i like i feel worthless and shocking. my self asteem spirals down, and i have lately been having problems with friends making everything ten times worse. i always have bad experiences with the opposite sex, and it has finally started to break me down. i can't make decisions, and feel paranoid that i'm always making the wrong ones. i feel like my friends all have perfect relationships and i never get the best of luck. I'm always described as goodlooking, with a brilliant smile, but nobody i know really seems to understand, i feel like it only really happens to me! i try my best to do things and ignore the feeling of self hate, but when i'm on my own it only makes me think about it more!

[azunia in reply to Blondie94]

I'm so like you..I'm always doubting myself and decisions I make. Recently, I haven't even been able to go out and by a jacket or shoes cause I'm not sure what I really like! It's because I wonder if other people will like it and if they don't I'd feel inadequate and a failure. And with men, it's a nightmare. Whenever I meet someone I really like I shut down and I just KNOW he will reject me sooner or later. I'm always looking for reasons to worry instead of being positive and hoping for the best. I don't know how to switch into being a positive and happy person. I feel it would change a lot

[vince]

I always felt rejected by family as the thicky of the family. I found out last year I am dyslexic long after I went to collage got gcses a levels and got to uni. Lack of confidence and poverty forced me off uni. I never date no confidence and had a stalker too. My family have changed tak now they are disgusted I have what they don't an education! not that its done me much good. Parents and families can do terrible damage to the mental health of others out of selfishness and ignorance. its cruelty I wish it had been picked up on by teachers, I spend too much time wondering what I could have been with caring parents it must make a difference to a childs outcome to cared about? What a wasted life.

[kJ1982]

Hi, after reading your initial blog I felt that you wrote about me as rejection from childhood has been a factor in my depression. You are not an idiot for feeling the way you do. I have had many types of counselling 1 to 1 but I am now having CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which I find for me is really good. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I know it might not seem like it now but take each day at a time.

[aug2012]

Hi Azunia

I also have a similar level of self-esteem that you have and rejection only serves to underline what you already feel about yourself. My cure has been to avoid people; because people will always let you down and especially as soon as they know you have low self-esteem they will play with that, because people are cruel - that's why they love video clips of people falling down and getting injured; it satisfies the cruelty in the human psyche and that's why people pray on those who are senstive and have low self-esteem.

Avoiding people is my choice, but I don't recommend it even though it makes me feel a million times more content and happy.

What you need to grasp is the difference between self-esteem and self-worth.

The sense of esteem is what other people give you - if they judge you well then you have high self-esteem - if they judge you badly then you have low self-esteem.

But self-worth is the way you feel about yourself regardless of how others judge you. I have high self-worth in myself, because I know I'm a good person and have good qualities, even though other people don't care about me, I still care about me, because I KNOW I'm a worthy person.

If you can develop your self-worth it will make you stronger and then you'll feel better and when people judge you badly you'll know it's a fault in them and not in you.

[justme_]

I feel exactly the same way. I am very dependant on love and acceptance. I was struggling from rejection from someone that promised me things when someone else promised me that they would help me. It turns out that he was taking advantage of my vunerable state and didn't even care about the problems that I was going through. I feel very low now and do not understand how someone cannot love me for me when I manage to love everyones imperfections! I am struggling very very much right now and cannot seem to find a reason to hold on anymore.