My mother is the main reason for my depression.

[RawRaw]

I am new here. The reason I am here is that i heard about the app and i was searching on google for depression group therapy or depression group support.

I need help ..

I am 17 years old. This is not the first time to be depressed.. but I could get over it, actually I think once we are depressed we become slave to depression. We just think we have survived, but it's not true.

My problem is MOTHER...she can be considered as a strict mother, (father is not there) I only live with mother and brother. I can say that mother is so much selfish... mother doesn't allow me to go out with friends saying that she gets worried. I can stay more than 4 months at home :)) and 4 months are for vacation time. Mother stays at work for 5 hrs and half, and when she comes back she leaves all duties for me. Even when i have classes and also tuitions, when i get back home i find her leaving all duties for me. I sometimes feel so much tired that i need to sleep, but oh how can i sleep? Who will clean the mess and keep everything neat and clean? I hate kitchen and cooking, I didn't want to learn how to cook cuz this way, duties will increase. And she succeeded in teaching me and now more duties are left for me. And still she blames me if i forget something. It's like i am her slave. I don't even get rewarded for that.. she doesn't let me go out with friends, she doesn't let me care of myself like how girls do. She doesn't listen to my problems, when i tell her i am sick she gets bored and annoyed cuz she hates going to doctors. And I don't have pocket money to go on my own. I am joining 12th grade and she still blames me for my marks in 9th grade. Even my dead phone, she blames me for breaking its screen 3 years ago even when it's dead/destroyed now (not because of me). I can be having exam the next day and she leaves all duties to me. I am her mother not her!!

It's embarrassing how my friends can plan for hangouts and when they tell me "come with us" i tell them i will ask mother, and then i tell them "she said no" EVERY TIME.

It has been years. And now i lost interest in hanging out with friends or with family.

Some years ago i said something to mother's sister which shouldn't be said, i was 11 years old at that time. Just a little kid and still she blames me for it. She is best at criticizing and blaming me. I had so much suicidal thoughts. The last time, almost two weeks ago, she was blaming me again about what i said 5 years ago. I felt so much sad and all i thought about was suicide. I entered her room with a knife hidden, i told her i am not her enemy and asked why she keeps blaming me, i wanted her to say something which will not make me commit suicide. She saw something in ma hand and asked me to show it to her, i showed it to her. She was surprised. She kept saying that i am not normal. And that i lost my mind. After two days of that incident, she was saying that i became insane. Almost that problem with mother and her sister was solved and still she is treating me meanly. I am 24/7 at home and i am always treated meanly. To be honest mother sometimes gets kind .. but mostly not!!

Now I distanced myself away from friends and people. Even my bf is little hard to treat with him cuz i feel like he can't understand me sometimes. I am tired of everything, everyone. Especially me and her. All i wish for is death. I don't answer my friends' calls. Simply they will pretend that they wanna help. And I am seriously thinking about distancing my self from my bf.

I lost interest in food. I always overthink. I am sure my bf can't stand me :)) I always feel guilty, i feel like no one can stand me. And that i disturb everyone. I became more sentimental...

I think mother feeds on ruining me, I have no pocket money, and also she won't allow me to rent any place to live in away from her. I don't have enough money to see a therapist. And to be actual, MOTHER IS THE ONE WHO NEEDS A THERAPIST.

I am so much tired, so much.

I dream about death and i see nightmares.

I always try not to hate her. I don't wanna hate her, but no other way. I wish anyone can help me.... most of my problems will be solved if i stay away from her. I wanna live in an isolated place. I don't wanna see her, or even listen to her voice...

I am really done..

[Hidden]

Raw

What country do you live in ???

BOB

[RawRaw in reply to Hidden]

Egypt 😅

[Hidden in reply to RawRaw]

Hello Raw

When I read your post I thought you lived in a country that has different ideas to ours, under that we here have problems associated with the Islamic system in your part of North Africa.

Yes I know what the situation would be in the UK and I can explain that, in this case the Society you live in does not follow Western norms.

You could try your family doctor, I understand you need help, that is all I can suggest here for you to try.

You could try leaving and starting a new life, the problem you have is quite difficult.

If need be use this site to sound out, it may help. I feel at a great loss how to help, Sorry

BOB

[RawRaw]

No, teenagers here can enjoy their time and hangout with friends, they can work too same as there. Mostly boys have more chances than girls (cultural thing) but still i know some mates who tried to work too. I remember i talked to my mother about that i wanted to work, and she made fun of and told other members of her family to make fun of me. If i were a boy she might would have agreed.

[RawRaw]

Not all women in our country are like that, only mother is like that among my friends' and mates' mothers :))

[RawRaw]

I talked with the males in the family to support me and to convince her, but they didn't help. Only one and half a month is left and i will be joining 12th grade, i will be having tuitions and exams all the time and I will study for 11 months, only after that i think I won't allow her to stop me from what i want. But I need to have a good mental state to be able to study during these 11 months and to get high marks. The truth is my mental state is destroyed, she also won't support me during studying time. She is perfect at turning me from optimistic one to pessimistic...

[kiran17171 in reply to RawRaw]

Please keep your mental state always high.. Time changes.. This will also change.. I can understand your situation completely. Your mother seems to to frustrated.. Women's are emotionally weak.. She might be throwing all her frustration on you.. But I can promise you that this situation will also CHANGE. Have strong faith in this fact.. Lots of prayers for your calm mind.. People in world are in worst situations than this.. You are here for some good purpose.. We all are here for some purpose.. Try to be good with your self and every one around you.. God bless!!

[RawRaw]

Guys, I also thought i was a bipolar and because I couldn't see a therapist, i couldn't know. Especially on school days, I used to be going from extremely happy to extremely sad. With no reason!! That i even started to get afraid when i got happy. Like I am happy this time, then i'll be sad double that time...

But now I don't go from extremely happy to extremely sad ... i am always at home.. I am always sad.

And one more thing about mother, she always always blames me for being sad... like i have no right to react for what she does, am i a machine??? A robot??

She also told brother that she didn't know whether i was sad or happy because i am always looking sad. IT IS BECAUSE OF HER !!!

[Hidden]

Raw

Look at your Examinations as a way to an end where you will be able to decide more on your future and possibly move on. If you begin to make good money that hopefully will make you more independent and allow you to make your own way.

In the distant past twenty years ago I traveled throughout the Middle and Far East, many countries were Islamic and the Women in the household seemed to be suppressed while they have little sway with the men could rule the female children very firm. If that is the case and your Mother is directing you your Mother will be quite firm and domineering

BOB