Hate feeling like this

[missunderstood2000]

Hi guys i have written many post but i want to write this one get things into the open.

I hate myself, i hate my body so i binge and purge everyday or i restrict. I also self harm by cutting and burning, i dont want to be alive because life is s*** and it just seems to be getting worse. I have emerging eupd which is also know as emerging BPD and i hear voices i am on quitiapean and its been upped but it dosent help and i hate it i hate trying and not getting anywhere everyone says it get better but when because its been 4 years and im not getting any better and im fed up of feeling like this of living. Im not sure trying is an optiom anymore its past tht point.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Missunderstood2000 and welcome to the forum. I am sorry you are experiencing such a difficult time. Please keep talking to your health care team, explaining how you are feeling and why you may be feeling this way. This will also give you the opportunity to talk about your medication. It often helps to write down your thoughts and feelings. Many people find this helpful. Please call the Samaritans. They are open 24 hours a day [freephone 116 123] or email [e-mail]. I am pleased you feel able to post on the forum. Please continue to do this so you can receive support from other members. You are not alone and we would like for you to feel better and things will get better. Take one day at a time. Best wishes.

[missunderstood2000 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you for the advice

[Jk2833]

Hi sorry to hear your feeling this way, I've been there too and have a really hard time coping with it. I have a diagnosis of BPD with dependent personality, obsessive compulsive personality and GAD. So it was a shock to find this out although I obviously knew mentally there were issues evident from a young age.

Personally the quietipine never helped me I just found the more anxious & depressed I felt the louder the voices became. The self harm and eating problems for me were a way to try and control something as I felt I had no control over anything else that was happening to me. It's a vicious circle that at this moment you can't seem to find a way out, but I promise you things do get better. I had a mental health team that came to my house and without them I would of been sectioned without a doubt. I now have a plan in place incase I ever become so ill again so that's reassuring.

Are you in the UK? Do you have a diagnosis? I waited twenty odd years for my diagnosis but I found once I did get it the health professionals took me more seriously. Maybe your meds are not for you? Discuss this with your nearest mental health team and be truthful about how you feel and what's going on. Your not alone, I depended on online communities the samaritans and Mind when I was ill. Please don't believe your life will be like this forever as it won't. I know four years is a long time and you feel like loosing hope but mental health is no longer something that's to be ashamed about anymore, it's recognised as a serious illness nowadays.

I don't know your age but please speak to a professional or a support network, even if it is online and you will see there's so many of us suffering with this your not alone.

Take care

Jk

[missunderstood2000 in reply to Jk2833]

I am in the uk and i dont have a diganosis as im under 18. Do you still have mood fluctations and voices???? Its hard i dont know what to do i try and be hopefull but just cant seem to . Thank you for the advice

[Jk2833 in reply to missunderstood2000]

Hi there, the answer is yes and theyre everyday, sometimes my mood can change within minutes. I spent so long trying to stop the mood swings or trying to prevent them rather than accepting that they are part of who I am. Also the voices fluctuate with anxiety, the less anxious I am the quieter they are or the less I notice them. I know it’s so hard to get any sort of diagnosis here in the UK I waited so long.

Are you seeing any psych as yet? The first step of the ladder is to see your GP, do you have someone to confide in? Could you speak to a family member?

Don’t suffer in silence, the more you analyse yourself the worse you will feel. Also remember mental health does not stigmatise, there’s no history of it in my family and I had a great childhood so there’s not always an obvious reason why it’s affecting you.

Try to find things that maybe relax you, believe it or not I have colouring books to chill me out

Let me know how your getting on

Take care

Jk

[missunderstood2000 in reply to Jk2833]

I have no family , im a foster child and im currently in a impatient unit and have been for 9 months. Do you find your mood swings affect your relationships. I know why people think i have mental health issue but dont always agree with them. I have a colouring book but find it hard fue to voices being so loud but i try using coping skills. Have you done DBT and did it help you if you dont mind me asking.

[Jk2833 in reply to missunderstood2000]

Hi there, god yes people didn’t know where they were with me, one minute I was joking the next sitting in silence. Personal relationships were hard work too, for myself and the other person.To be honest it was worse when I was younger.

Yes I’ve tried CBT, is that what you meant? Listen try everything they offer you ok, one of the therapies may work, I preferred the one to ones with the psych it just allowed me to speak openly without being judged. Your in the right place, use it to your advantage to try and feel better, trying new methods is a good thing.

Take care

Jk

[missunderstood2000 in reply to Jk2833]

No i mean DBT its like a more complex use of CBT and i will thank you for the advice

[Hidden]

Hiya, so sorry that you feel this way. I hope you can get the help and support you need during this difficult time. You deserve a break so please don't give up. You can't put a time limit on recovery, because everyone is different, but things can and will get better. Take care,

[missunderstood2000 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the advice

[salfnd]

Hi I am so sorry you are feeling like this, it really sounds like your going through a tough time. I would definately seek medically help to get meds checked and make sure they are they right ones for you, how long have you been on them? Do your nedical team know about the voices in your head? and how your really feeling? I mean REALLY feeling... xWe need to be honest with them so they can help us. You are worth having a life a good life at that. You deserve to be well and to like yourself again, we all deserve that... Please carry on talking to us or your support worker.. Hugs xxx

[missunderstood2000 in reply to salfnd]

They know how i am really feeling and have upped my medication and i have alot of help as im currently in a inpatient unit and have been for 9 months and thank you for the advice x

[105tinlife]

Hi. I hope you find some comfort that there are other people going through the same. We're all here for you. Don't forget, the diagnosis is hardest part. Things do get better, even though it's hard to believe, but time is both a friend and enemy. Practical advice - cherish the moments when you are happy, and time yourself to keep that feeling for as long as you can. Record your times in a notebook or journal , and challenge yourself to get a new personal best. It's also good to write in a journal or diary once a day, and just let your feelings out. Please accept whoever helps. I know it's hard, but people love you.