Waste of time again!!

[CrAzYcRiPpLe]

Sory to ask for prayer but the last 6wks hav been so full of panic attacks I just don't know wot to do.....at points I've been mor than willing to kill myself as I finding it harder and harder to pray for help, I stuck on nearly 200 pills a day at best of times for n incurable kidny disease calls cystinuria that I had since I was 15, that's over 40yrs now as I'm 57, I really can't wait for this crapy life to b over but am scared tryin2 kill myself as I already failed and was sectioned for a month or so,................the panic attacks r doin me in, used to b bout 1wk in 5 or 6 were full of them but the last 3-4 weeks seem to hav bin one long panic attack

I jus dont kno wot to do except beg for help..please please please help me I jus dont kno how to deal or cope at this minute

Sory for bein a nuisance tyvm

James..

I jus feel a total waste o space, sory that all I do is whine,but at the mo I jus dont undastand why I getnuthin but pain, aggro etc I askd for a dr visit me , she rang ages ago n stil waitin

[ladeda]

Hi James, I felt so moved yet helpless when I read your words, and I too am praying that your doctor not only quickly phoned but was able to offer a little help.

It's so awful when you hit rock bottom without the strength to carry on and so afraid of what the end could even feel like, at those times all you can do is reach out for help and know there are so many people that really do care about you as you so belong in this world, which is not just about pain and suffering, although sometimes it feels like it. We sometimes feel helpless ourselves in e even offering comfort, but know that everybody here is rooting for you and sending you their prayers.

Keep trying little things to help you through each day rather than think about tomorrow. I was just reading about how raising dopamine levels can take the edge off depression and research has shown that music can raise those levels just a fraction and every little helps. If this is the case have something you like playing in the background, even if you are not in the mood, it can eventually distract those debilitating thoughts given time.

Don't feel ashamed and afraid of anyone seeing you, as you don't want to be alone with this and its so easy to push away those that love you and really don't care what you look like especially if they want to help.

Just think you have travelled around the sun 57 times! and in that time you've seen a lot, experienced a lot and have lots of stories to tell. Be kind to your body, its had problems but is relying on you to do your best to help and when you do it will reward you as best it can.

All my love that each day is slightly better till you regain that fight to know you can make it much better. xxx