My life is a waste

[Jamesadams277211]

I am getting no where my depression is getting worse and the anxiety is out of control I’m having panic attacks daily I’ve spoken to my GP who was very dismissive, the CPN I’ve been to on a weekly basis is saying I’m doing well. I don’t feel any better I feel worse than ever, I’ve no where left to turn I’m fed up just bobbing alone and trying to lift my mood trying to see things positively but it’s not working I get up tight that much if I go out I have a panic attack. I have no life and if this is it there’s no way I want to live a life like this. Until the start of this year I had my own house a full time career which is all gone because of 1 person.

[Hidden]

James

What caused your Anxiety and depression. You have mentioned another person. Was that a Partner or Wife ?

You mention your GP has been Dismissive, it would seem He has seriously considered your Mental Health Problems and has arranged for you too see a CPN who is talking to you and seems to be satisfied with your treatment pathway at this time. Generally your first course of treatment will consist of twelve sessions, then they will decide if further treatment would help you. Has the Nurse suggested any coping techniques yet. Also are you taking any medications. You will need time for your medications too work.

Eventually you will need to approach the problems that have caused you so much grief.

If your mood is so low and you feel at risk please phone NHS Information Service on Tel 111 they will arrange assistance as required

Also can I help ?

BOB

[Jamesadams277211 in reply to Hidden]

Bob, my wife and I seperated in 2015 I am happy that we have seperated because she was physically abusive and verbally abusive as well. I was abused at 8 for a number of years, my father would beat me with a belt and my mother was also verbally abusive and when I told I was being abused she slapped me and told me to shut my filthy mouth. April this year my was was broken into I had a knife pressed against my throat while they demanded money my jewelry and electrical items, they took the money I had in the house as well as my bank card and pin all my jewelry and iPad things like that they have threatened to return. I took a bad panic attack that night and it had damaged my heart. I have been on anti depressants for 2 years now citalapram 40mg per day, I also take Diazepam 15mg per day also propranolol 15mg per day. I also have Solpadol for arthritis in my hands and knees. My blood pressure was 198/108 I take 7.5mg per day of Ramipril. There's plenty meds there that help. I don't sleep that good now and I'm up and down the whole nite, the panic attacks have made me incontinent as u can imagine that's embarrassing specially if I have an accident outside. I don't leave the house unless I have an appointment. I can't remember things that I took in my stride before April it's as though I am in a daze all day I don't have any security what so ever, I want my life back and my home.

[Jamesadams277211 in reply to Jamesadams277211]

I think I'm way past help, I have no answers no where to turn. I live a quiet life and I would like that back but I feel as though I can't even think straight anymore everything is totally way out of control, living in fear of my life every single day is tough and with my mood not lifting the anxiety getting worse and on top of that the panic attacks I am so frightened that I have another attack as bad as the 1 in April

[Hidden in reply to Jamesadams277211]

James

How old are you ? Sorry to ask, I take Ramipril with my statins also pain killers for my disability etc my blood pressure now is 120/89 and Colestral is now down to about 3.5

I am sixty eight.

Has your GP offered any PTSD to address the earlier attacks and theft from your person. Your problem is if this problem is not addressed it will just make matters worse for your future. ?

You mention incontinence, Have they checked your Bladder and prostrate ?

Could you consider moving away from where you are now, for peace of mind

BOB

[Jamesadams277211 in reply to Hidden]

I am 46years old but I feel like 90. My depression and anxiety go way back, the CPN said this is all natural having went through what I have went through. The childhood abuse the CPN said she will get involved again once I'm ready to deal with that but I can only take it 1 step at a time and I have enough going on just now. I went to see my GP in April I was attacked on the Friday evening I went to see the GP on the Monday I told her I didn't have any medication since Friday as all my meds were in the house and I'm not to go back there until the police have finished there investigation, the GP blew her jaws looked at her watch and said I finish at 6pm it's now 5.50pm and I have another patient to see, I said do u prefer if I went so u can see ur other patient she replied yes that would be good it means I might get away just after 6pm and I'm not giving more medication u will just need to get into ur house and get ur medication. No offer of PTSD I take it that means post traumatic stress disorder, is that what it sounds is wrong with me? How do I get it to go away? I am reluctant to move because the house I'm in was the family home for many years, that's what my ex wife wants me to do she said she would leave me with nothing and no one and it's only the house that's left.

[Jamesadams277211 in reply to Hidden]

My prostrate has been checked and I don't have any bladder infections but a kidney impairment has shown up twice in blood tests I have 1 more blood test to get at the end of the month and if that comes back the same then they will confirm the kidney impairment. The GP thinks it's the anxiety and panic attacks that's causing me to be incontinent and she says it will clear up on its own time, in the meantime just buy incontinence pads they will see you through until everything calms down

[Jamesadams277211 in reply to Jamesadams277211]

The sleeping issue is down to nightmares and flashbacks

[Hidden]

Your CPN will take a little time to get down and through your PTSD, you will hopefully move on given time, the problem is this sort of problem can be complex and you will need to trust the CPN before you will be able to move yourself on.

I had a really rough upbringing and like you on occasions would get beaten about a bit. My School days were just as bad and generally I was brought up by a Surrogate family who I though the world of. I did not get my family problems sorted until I was sixty and now we have disappeared and live in an area where no-one knows me and protects my privacy.

It will be hard for you to move on however you will eventually do it, you need to want to do it and when push comes to shove you will be able to make decisions and be confident in your life once more, give your Nurse time to get to know you. You will move on.

Regards your GP, sometimes they can be a problem with giving additional medications when they know you have had a script with those medications. They can stand their ground.

What I advise if you find this GP lacking, go on the NHS Choices Site and look up your GP practice, check the GP NAMES. Look up their interests below or so, you will find a Partner or other GP whose interest is Mental Health that may be helpful getting a GP you can talk to

BOB

[Jamesadams277211 in reply to Hidden]

Bob, thank you for sharing a bit of your past with me. U certainly have had a rough time and not only that it's not been that long since u have had to address it all. U are a strong person and a good support on here. I am only starting the journey which I never thought I would have to. Up until April I could keep my past in the back of my mind but now I can't and it's at the forefront now if that makes sense so I need to deal with it. So do u think the CPN is doing the right thing and giving me time to sort through things and contact her when I'm ready for the next stage?

I don't know who I am anymore or where I am or where to go, where to start, do u know what I mean? Nothing seems to have a purpose anymore.

[Hidden in reply to Jamesadams277211]

I was finding my way last year. I managed to get the Wife to go with me to learn how to drive a power boat, we had to take our Radio Certificate so we could use the radio. We passed both together and passed, We could power a thirty three foot boat with all the trimmings.

We went down to Norfolk to play on the Broads and She took a wobbler, She was on the boat for three days of a two week holiday, at the end of the second week we were going to get a sea going craft. I ended up sitting at home, she walked of the craft and that was it. We had purchased two dry suits and a pair of dead reckoning Binocks.

Now I am stuck I can never understand Women,

BOB

[Angel533 in reply to Jamesadams277211]

It seems you have lost your old self and have to accept your new self,this is hard I know,I'm struggling with this myself but I feel this is the only way for us to move forward

[Jamesadams277211 in reply to Angel533]

It’s now been 6 months since that night when I was held at knife point since then I have now lost my house and I’m homeless no job no income. My blood pressure was 241/126 when I had the 24 hour blood pressure monitor. The continual false allegation being broadcast about by them but the police can’t do anything about that they said. By all accounts the victim gets nothing and the criminals get away with it.

[Angel533 in reply to Jamesadams277211]

You need to get to a shelter until you get somewhere and go the jobcentre

[Jamesadams277211 in reply to Angel533]

I have already done the both of them. The police have put me in a place of safety at the moment

[Angel533 in reply to Jamesadams277211]

At least you have somewhere for now and hopefully things will start to improve for you soon