Im in a crisis help

[Luewil]

Hi, I am in a crisis and just really want to kill myself but I don't want to hurt anybody which I know is not possible. I was only discharged from hospital today and I dont want them mental health to know that im not coping already and I dont want to do something and fail becaise I will just be feeling even worse then. I made four failed attempts yesterday and my mood has not changed in the slightest since then. I dont know what to do. I am seeing my care coordinator in the morning but A is dont think I can keep myself safe till then and B I know I wont tell her how I feel when she comes even if I want to.

[Hidden]

Hi you sound in a desperate situation but I'm listening to you. Can you come back in and talk to me please. Let me know are still safe coz I care about you and am worried about you. Bev x

[Luewil in reply to Hidden]

Im still here I dont know how but I am

[Hidden in reply to Luewil]

Good, that's a relief. Do you want to talk on here? Have you tried calling the Samaritans? Do you want me to find the number for you? Bev x

[Luewil in reply to Hidden]

I've tried that before and it doesnt help I find it hard to say how I feel out loud. Its just all to much to cope with nothing I have ever tried has helped and I couldn't even say today when I was still in hospital because when I did I was told I just had to deal with it. Its a case of no matter how much I try and how hpnest I am with them they dont want to listen, they dont want to help me and I cant do it on my own and I am on my own im hardly even speaking to my family amd my friends arent responding to me. I moved into a flat today that I share with one other person because my mum kicked me out because of my illness and I hate it

[Hidden in reply to Luewil]

Hi you have a lot of upset and change very quickly so no wonder you are feeling bad. It might work out for the best if you give it a chance. I know it's a cliché but things often seem better in the clear light of day.

Don't make any decisions right now, just take your bedtime meds and go to bed. Tell yourself you will deal with it tomorrow. Bev x

[Blueshirt]

The old Man Utd Supporter is right, (and helped me enormously when I felt bad last weekend). You are worth it, so try and roll with it. It may be tough to hang on now, but it will get better as everything in the world is always changing. Hug yourself, and watch some TV and hot drinks. And give us an update. We love you xx

[Hidden in reply to Blueshirt]

Hey don't call me old! x

[Blueshirt in reply to Hidden]

London slang my old china; sorry

[Hidden in reply to Blueshirt]

Ha ha. No need to say sorry, I lived 20 years in east London.

[Blueshirt in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. Your reply helped me a lot at the weekend. You're a good 'un

[Iluvhorses]

You could always check yourself back into you local hospital. Just tell them that youre in crisis and on the verge of committing suicide. Trust me theyre ethically obligated to admit you. Do you want to talk about your problems here? Either way please dont kill yourself.

[Hidden]

Hi, you need someone to talk to. What about your primary mental health team. They should have a trained counsellor. I know what you mean though once you reach that place where you are numb and constantly thinking about it you can't talk properly to others as you are somewhere else. People really don't know how to handle these situations and even though you feel isolated and alone they care they just don't know what to say or do. I've been there. Go to your GP tell them how you are feeling. You are either on no medication or the wrong one for you. They are correct in that they can't make your depression better and only you can but you are obviously not at the point of doing that right now and just need kindness and guidance. It's about making the right choices and top of that list right now is getting onto a medication that helps you. I have been suicidal I've had doctors and nurses tell me how selfish I am but really it's down to them trying anything to snap you out of it. Those tactics make you sink lower and become ashamed of asking for help. Small steps.

[Westie-love]

We are all here for you. You need to open up to someone, if you can't tell them verbally, write it down and give them it to read. You are in a crisis , and you need someone to help you, I know it's hard, but please open up to someone, stay safe, please. Will be thinking of you, check in on here regularly, so we can support you x

[Luewil]

Just seen my care coordinator and the crisis team and told that about how bad my thoughts were and was just ignored so now feeling even worse

[Iluvhorses in reply to Luewil]

Do you think there could be a reason your doctors arent paying attention to your concerns. Perhaps there are other ideas running through their heads pertaining to your condition. There could be a miscommunication between you all. Im glad youre hear by the way

[Hidden in reply to Luewil]

Go and see your Gp and tell them. Sometimes these mental health teams are awful with depression. I found myself in a cycle of going back and forth to the same people.

[Luewil in reply to Hidden]

I can't I am in a different area and cant change gp as I have no proof of address I tried telling my care coordinator again that I was still doing really bad and got ignored again im trying to fight it so much as to not hurt people but its just getting almost impossible now

[Hidden in reply to Luewil]

If you have any type of bill or tenancy agreement that is classed as proof of address. I wish I could help you more. Not sure what to suggest but trying to get into a sympathetic Gp will help.

[Hidden in reply to Luewil]

I've changed Gps loads and they have never asked for proof of address so may be worth trying to register anyhow. They need the address of your last Gps to transfer notes over. I've not done it in a few years though so maybe the system has changed recently. They cannot help or prescribe medication unless you are hospitalised so I guess they are bound by red tape also but they should be helping you get into see a doctor who can.

[Luewil in reply to Hidden]

Ive always needed proof of address and proof of identity which is another problem but I shouldn't need to have to go to the gps when my care coordinator saw me earlier it was my discharge follow up to see how I was doing. Sorry if I seem like I am dismissing everything I am just feeling so pissed of, hurt and really struggling with thoughts

[Hidden in reply to Luewil]

I understand you shouldn't but you might just have to in order to get better. They are obviously not helping you as they should be. They just want to tick a box and say oh that person's fine, job done move onto the next. It's wrong but I've seen it first hand. My brother has paranoid schizophrenia and they constantly don't help him and really no a lot of these people don't care! He's currently AWOL and homeless thanks to the rubbish mental health system. Have you thought about maybe just taking yourself back to hospital? This may be the best option.

[Luewil in reply to Hidden]

The staff at the hospital couldn't believe I was being discharged as they all said I wasnt ready, I was on one to one supervision up till discharge but my consultant never listened to how I said I was feeling, and for me if I am telling them how I am feeling it is a massive step for me and for hime to just dismiss it really made me feel worse. I dont think hospital is the right place for me but at the moment dont feel safe so its a problem I know I need to ring the crisis team and speak to them but scared of being ignored again. Its my fault I spent losts of my time refusing to let them help me and saying I dont want there help

[Hidden in reply to Luewil]

I understand but you are on here admitting you need help and that is a massive step. You are also recognising that you are not fully better and it will be so hard to do but one of the biggest things in your road to recovery if you do. These consultants often don't listen to staff and a very similar thing happened last with my brother. He was obviously still ill and we were all saying he was not ready to be discharged. He was and he ran away and became homeless. They make me so angry. I know each situation is different but it seems you would have stayed and got a lot better if they gave you more time.

[Luewil in reply to Hidden]

I probably would have done I was trusting staff more and thats massive for me but everything was done so quickly this week just trying to gain the courage to ring them,

[Hidden in reply to Luewil]

I know and believe me I've been in your situation where you give up and it seems like jumping the highest hurdle just to ring somewhere or go somewhere but it's something that I think you know deep down needs to be done. You have two paths to go down right now either sink lower or reach further out. I hope it goes OK and we are all here for you.

[Luewil in reply to Hidden]

Crisis team have just been and its expected that I am really struggling with my thoughts but other than making sure I am alive everyday they are not going to give me any advice on what I can do to help control my thoughts safe to say I now feel even worse

[Iluvhorses in reply to Luewil]

Hello again, i really think you should go back to the hospital. I know you dont want to, but it seems like that is your only source of help right now.

[Hidden]

Hi luewil I am pleased to see you as have been worried about you. bev x

[Iluvhorses]

Hello again Im sorry i dont have any advice for you when it comes to your healthcare system because i live in the US. But im glad youre still here.