Hardest time of my life.

[Trike23]

Well idk where to even start here but I need to vent. In the past year and a half my life has completly fell apart. Always struggled with mental issues but its out of controll now (im bi polar not the super insane type but the managable type.). My marrige of ten years and a child fell apart because I fell into infedility. The marrige was coming apart before the cheating we had so many issues. The cheating was still the biggest mistake ive ever made in my life despite the issues. I Fell in love with another women who promised me the world. This women rocked my world and I fell hard for her and really thought id found a kindred spirit. Well her super Christian parents took serious issue with our relationship and made our lives total hell btw im 32. I struggled for mths being in a relationship that wasent going forward because she was struggling with her parents being so displeased with her. After they threated to ex communicate her and lots of tears I decided to end it. Hardest thing ive ever done in my life and im still very in love with her but shes made it very clear its very over (I tried to go back.). So after loosing everything including my home time with my child dogs everything in my divorce I also lost the girl I fell in love with. Some may say I got what I deserve and perhaps I did im sure I did frankly. The ex wife has moved on and is in a healthy relationship and I find myself resenting her so much and its destroying me cause she takes alot of pleasure in my despair now. I feel so lost im 32 and im living with my father I feel like a complete failure. I dont have a ton of people to lean on but I try to lean on the ones I have as much as possible. I ask God everynight to just take me cause honestly Im finding my day to day harder and harder. Im so depressed it hurts and I cant get over what has happend. Idk what to do anymore and I cant keep living like this all the time. I tried internet dating but clearly I must be the ugliest man alive cause I get no interest in women on there. I think that has been the worse decision ive made in all this. Im not ready for a relationship plus rejection doesnt help me at all at this point. I just thought mayb if I had someone to talk to perhaps it would help me move on. I tried therpy and its ok but it gets redundant. Id love to recover but I honestly dont know how and I dont have strength to help myself anymore. All I really wanna do is stop crying all the time. I dont feel like much of a man.

[rrichardson]

It really does sound like you are going through a lot and I'm sorry for that. There is always hope and God will use this time in your life to his glory. Idk if you are religious or not, but I speak the truth. Don't give up and keep on pressing forward. Sometimes you have to dig down deep to understand the root problem. I'm no psychiatrist, but I believe that things that happen in our lives can exacerbate symptoms.

[Hidden]

Hey i am sorry life has been difficult. However you should not allow a women to bring you down on your knees mentally. Easier said i know! At 32 with a child thats an achievement. I am nearly 30 still at home (cultural thing unless your married only theb you move out) and never been with anyone i get rejected for reasons such a social class and not being good enough for men. I also tried online its hard. So my advice would be this.. do not go online or try finding a women yet, as for the ex dont show her your weakness. Ignore her, let her be 'happy' how do you even know shes truly happy its all temporary in this world nothing lasts. So forget her don't compare this is about you. Get well first, do you work? Try to concentrate on achieving career goals etc build your self esteem go to the gym, go on walks day trips out alone.. anything but you must keep your mind busy! Be the best father for your child. The lady you cheated on was clearly not worth it, therefore is it worth you losing yourself furthermore even dwelling on her or the past. She was a women disguised and you never knew her true colours. Now you do. Your marriage didnt work out for other reasons not just the cheating so why only dwell on the cheating part? It ended for the best. Your not old at all plenty of single people around your age group. Everyday choose your thoughts carefully just the way you choose your clothes and watch how your outlook on life changes. You control your mind. Cry it out. And then let it go. You will still feel emotions try not to think about them more then 10 mins a day, then move on. You can and will get back on your feet! You got this!

[Trike23]

Yes I do work 40 hrs a week. Between that and my child its all that keeps me going. I have to get better somehow is all I know cause living in this hell in my head is not working. Im really not living at all. Being alone at 20 was so much easier than at 30.

[Hidden in reply to Trike23]

I agree it is not nice being alone but you won't be forever, take this alone to time reflect learn about yourself and become stronger for your life in the future. You will get better believe in yourself

[Hidden]

You are hardly old at 30 - to someone my age you are barely wet behind the ears! I think you paid a heavy price for your infidelity but this can happen unfortuneately when you cheat on your partner like this. She must have been devastated and good for her on moving on and being happy. Don't forget she was the victim in this so don't be annoyed at her happiness, be pleased for her. Your daughter was also a victim and suffered too.

You will meet someone in time, probably when you are least expecting it as this is when it usually happens. We all make mistakes in life but the main thing is to learn from them and be able to move on. Concentrate on enjoying your life as much as you can and getting out and about meeting as many people as possible. If you look happy and are enjoying life you are much more likely to attract women as no one wants to be with someone who is negative and unhappy do they?

Good luck. xx

[WantToChange]

Ok - So you gambled and it fell through. On one level I can't feel sorry for you due to the infidelity but on another level I do feel empathy. The marriage wasn't working and you saw happiness elsewhere so you took the leap, a lot of people would have in your situation as we are all just trying to survive and grab happy moments when we can.

You did a horrible thing to your ex wife who you were supposed to love. But she has moved on and now the only person hurting is you. I think there is an element of self-resentment and guilt here. I'm no expert but I think you're putting that resentment onto your ex wife. She hasn't done anything wrong from an outsider's pov. But maybe you feel like it's an injustice that both women are fine without you and you are the one broken-hearted?

You're young, you're only 32. So take responsibility for your actions and put all your energy into the one thing that really matters: your kid. She deserves the best from both her parents. So make a list of all the things you can do within your power to make her life better. Save money for her if you can, be immediately available if she ever needs support. That's how you can make up for things and eventually get over the guilt you're feeling.

WTC x

[Trike23]

I love the advice and it honestly feels good to hear from people not involved. Yes I do feel a guilt WTC. Thats not what fuels the depression. Theres much to the story and some I left out but nothing super major. What I think WTC hit on the head is that I do feel chewed up and spit out no question. I gave ten years of my life to someone who in the end really could care less and she was no innocent victum we had lots of issues her and I both. What I did was wrong ill never say it wasent I should have been a man and told her things were not working. It takes two to tango though. Than on the other side I feel totally lied to and manipulated from someone who also I loved. Someone who played a big part in causing alot of hurt and she really just walks away scott free. Thats likely my main issue is I feel like im just not worth much to anyone and just not worthy of happiness. Yes theres alot of pain and resentment that everyone has walked away completly fine outside of myself. I know the thing to do is shut up and be a man. In the end its all I can do but its a jagged pill to swallow. Im trying to focus on the things I can controll and not what I cant. My daughter IS my #1 right now cause really she is all I have. I spend alot of time without her since her mother uses her as a weapon and doesnt allow me to have her on a set schdule or overnites. I know a lawyer should be in order and im not a looser I would have my 50/50. Just be nice to save the money and hash it out like adults. So my down time and all the time I spend alone is time I loose it. I hope eventually things will get better but I cant see a light in the tunnel right now.

[Wendy338]

hi im so sorry you feel like this, & your life seems quite similar to mine, i know some people might judge you for cheating but i too am having an affair, i havnt lost everything but i live on a day 2 day struggle of running two lives, i no how hard it is when u fall so deeply for sombody, the pain can get unbearable, you not alone in how you feel i too feel like you do, & i hope that gives you some comfort so you know you are not alone in what you are going through, all any of us want is to be happy x