Advice, im deseperate

I have been struggling with depression since i was 11 years old got worse through my teenage years and horrible life events made it even worse, ive been on the brink of commiting suicide multiple times only thing that stops me is that im afraid of the physical pain, yes i care about hurting my family but i also dont because i know ill be free at last. In the past year i have taken sertraline 100mg it worked miracles i started seeing a side of myself i never saw before then it stopped working even with an increse of dosage. Tried again recently with them nothing happened.

Ive been on holiday twice in 2 weeks abroad but often found myself getting irritable, tearful and low. I get extremely paranoid of what people think of me. My family like me to be in photos but i hate myself and try to get out of them. I find myself uncontrolably laughing sometimes and happy then back to rock bottom. Could i be bipolar? No familt history of it. Im 20 years old female living in south wales but from birmingham.

15 Replies

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  • We could all be bipolar lol

    Hey come on you life is great if you just let it be ?

    You really need to change your thought strategy and think about the nice things in your life .

    And as for all this talk about suicide well that's just a joke right ?

    And as for free at last ?

    You are free just you need to realise this .

    Your so so young and you are going to have a wonderful life I promise you just give yourself and life a chance to being yea as yours haven't yet but it will really you must be leave this you just having a bad day their is a light at the end of the tunnel , I know because I went and found it it's bright it's warm and it's lovely just like you .

  • If it were as easy to snap out of depression as you imply I doubt any one would have it. I'm sure you are well intentioned,but a bit simplistic.We certainly don't need to be serious all the time ,we shouldn.t be patronizing .,but supportive. Pam

  • Firstly I never said nor mentioned snapping out of depression did I ?

    No I did not, only you have wrote and mentioned anything of such ?

    Neither did I imply snapping out of it only you did.

    Also I wasn't intending to be simplistic and so sorry you feel that way but hey I guess you can't please everyone nor help them especially if they don't want any help ? Now I'm being patronising.

    I was simply put as you put it Pam. Trying to lift your mood and help you to change your thought stratergy.

    So sorry you felt that way about my post, but hey good luck anyway as I'm sure you need it ?

    Do take care of yourself if you can Pam ?

    All the best.

    And I do so hope this wasn't to simplistic and over patronising for you.

  • Obviously I have insulted you which wasn't my intention. I was critical of your reply but it's only my opinion and I'm sure others wouldn't necessarily agree with it. I still stand behind what I think but I do apologize for upsetting you. Can we agree to disagree ? Pam

  • Callum, I'm not wanting to argue but please never say to someone that they are joking when they talk of suicide. It's not helpful and can be viewed as not believing someone's honest emotional pain. That can put pressure of an individual and make them feel less which can increase suicidal thoughts. It's not your intention to hurt anyone so please think before you speak. If anyone talks of suicide treat them very very seriously. You could be a lifesaver or you can add to their pain. Your choice.

  • Dmm218

    Thank you for your msg.

    However I think it depends in what context you are reading it , in the context you have chosen to read it , then I would have to agree with you.

    However ,the contes=txt it was meant in was hopefully supposed to prompt a wake up call ,

    As in, he'll yea what am I thinking ?

    Life is to precious and beautyful, and I am a lucky soul to be alive with so many people suffering far more than I .

    However I think I should have elaborated somewhat as a couple of you have given me negative responses,yourself and Pam.

    I was extremely tired when I responded to that post and I looking back at it can see your point .

    And I guess my post my have been a little flippant. Although my intentions were good.

    Anyhow thank you for your msg and in view of you and pans opinions I have decided that I probably am not the right person to give anyone any advise so have decided to not reply to any posts anymore .

    Many thanks and let's pray they all make it through the night.

    God bless.

    And kind regards.

  • Don't be silly - ur posts do and will help - just because of one off comment doesn't mean you aren't helping. You've too much experience not to contribute. This site is about reaching out, communicating and opinions - it's not the godgiven truth. So please keep involved. I understand what you were trying to do. It just seemed like the wrong time to say it. The squabble over your post is itself helpful as it shows that there is more than one way to say something and for the original poster 3 people who care. X

  • I also think Pam. With respect,

    That you really should have let kayd97 reply to my post as to weather she thought it simplistic or patronising or indeed helpful to her before you gave your very negative reaction don't you ?

  • I did not stop anyone from replying to your post and anyone is free to respond to any post so I was not out of line. I was critical of your post because of the impact it might have on a person in crisis, it was not meant to be hurtful to you..I am still learning how to do this and I also make mistakes. I hope you stay and soldier on with the rest of us.

  • No problem Pam.

    We all have our own opinions in life and such,thank god for indifference.

    I take the the tough love approach as in my opinion it's the only one that really gets results.

    And I quote ( this is my opinion )

    I was merely hopefully trying to stop someone contemplating suicide as you full well know Pam.

    But everyone has to get their ten cents worth .

    Let's leave it here now please Pam as I cannot really be bothered .

    And I don't really have the time to get into what you have called an altercation?

    I don't do altercations just so you know Pam.With respect.

    Enjoy your life.

  • Kayd, I did respond to you earlier. Did you receive it or did I forget to hit the submit button? I am sorry about this little altercation going on, it's the last thing you need and it's not the norm on site. In my earlier reply to you I said I am sorry you're not feeling your normal self. Sometimes medicine stops working and you might want to see your Doctor for a reassessment. We can't digamous on here, but we can make suggestions and relate our own experiences.Try not to worry about what others are thinking, mostly people are thinking about themselves anyway.. Put on your shades and a big grin and fake it to make it. Pam

  • Hi Kayd97

    It might be worth getting seeing a psychologist before self diagnosing. That way you can get the right help.

    You are still young and it might be you just need some help to get over the traumatic events so you can move forward. Gps seem to just hand out meds but talking therapies might help.

    I hope it works out for you.

  • Hello. There is a lot of stuff in your life that I think you are still suffering from. You say you've experienced some horrible life events. Often we go to gp because we are depressed and it is now affecting how we function in life. So there's been years when we've been depressed and not sought help. You start on meds they work and you think your cured. However the underlying trigger factors haven't been resolved so when you are overwhelmed again, the meds don't cover that and appear not to work. I think you need to go back to doc and talk about the meds again. Also, talk about the life events. You may need counselling to get to grips with them. There are other therapies that can help such as CBT - waiting lists are huge but see if you can request that. Mindfulness is also helpful. There may be some help in the community - talking Groups etc that you can use. Taking anti- depressants is only a partial cure, you need to look at other supports aswell. Being a bit volatile etc doesn't mean you are bi-polar but speak to GP. Our minds can do funny things under stress so your symptoms may simply be your body trying to get your attention to tell you it's not fixed yet.

  • Hi and welcome. I do much of what you do. May I recommend papyrus Prevention of young suicide site as well.

  • I have been suicidale for the past 6 years I have a loving and supporting husband and 4 boys which all live with my illness. I yes I think about ending my life daily but it doesn't stop me laughing with my family. I feel I am one person on the inside but a different one on the outside I would do anything for my family but suicide thoughts never leve me and I always somehow manage to fight through another day. During the night is my worst time but I never show my kids. Who are now all been to a counsellor of some sort due to there anxiety with life. It is just a thing in my family where depression is in every generation.its not the label of being depressed that bothers me it's what others expect us to act ..

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