LONELY AND UNCERTAIN ABOUT THE FUTURE

[Greybags]

I am a 68 years young man, divorced, no children and very lonely, without long term friends, suffer from lack of confidence, a little agoraphobic, recently bereaved, have to move on 17 Sept 2017 and vacate my parents home, am now clearing house, but I have nowhere to go yet, about to start on a new pilot scheme to get out and about, when they can find volunteer, but the uncertainty of moving with 50 boxes of possessions. The depression is always present. I don't want antidepressants as I already take 15 tablets per day for heart condition.

How can I make new friends, besides the obvious ways?

[LaurieRose]

Hi you're not alone and I think coming to this site was a good idea. Ask Dr or nurse for support groups in your local area that offer friendship...maybe this is the way forward for you. Best wishes keep chatting online. Keep a journal maybe start a blog. X

[mysmugcat in reply to LaurieRose]

Nice post

[ladeda]

Hi hun, sorry your feeling so cut off from where you want to be at the moment. It can take just one person to turn things around sometimes, with me I was lucky to have a neighbour I'd known for years but not very well and one day I mentioned I had difficulty leaving my house, so she knocked for me each day for a few months and I slowly began to return to doing things for myself, not just with walking but going back to socializing more, doing things I wanted to but always had an excuse for. It takes time, but once you find the little things that make big changes you can go from strength to strength.

Loneliness can feel unbelievable when it's combined with depression and we compound the problem by cutting ourselves off and finding it so very difficult to help ourselves or even function on a day to day basis. But keep trying little changes and things will change. It must be so hard for you at the moment when you feel some changes are forced on you and looking into the future can't really do you any favours when you don't know which direction it will take you, all you can do is take each day as it comes, believe in yourself which is sometimes the hardest thing, but you really do have inner strength that is sometimes hidden from view.

I hope your new home when it comes will be the start of a long and happy life for you xxx

[YoungSem]

Making friends is actually much easier then you would think. You would maybe want to find nearby clubs or activities for people of a similar age group who might possibly be looking for the same outcomes as you. Take these people you meet out on a friendly day out and frequently set up days to meet. Talking to a therapist may also be the natural/ medicine free way to move past depression.

[mysmugcat]

I'm sorry to hear how you feel. It can feel very lonely when others seem to have more family around etc. I'm sorry to hear you have had a bereavement, your partner? Have you spoken to Cruse Bereavement? They also have meet up groups.

Do you like dogs?! They are a great way to meet new people on walks. I meet quite a few people just walking anyway. And in coffee shops. Just a few other ideas.

Good luck.

[KrierandRosie]

I am 64 and suffer from similar problems. Other people don't understand, so there's no point in mentioning it. It is tough to keep it to yourself but telling people often pushes them away and then you're still alone. It is a daily fight to block the depression and all the negative thoughts and feelings that go along with it. Some people are just naturally happy and others are not. We are the unfortunate ones with these feelings that plague us daily. And the person who stated this is isolating, it most certainly is; we are inside our own heads. If you can slowly find things you enjoy to do, and then maybe others will be there who have that in common with you, you may or may not meet people to hang out with. Not everyone is married and not everyone has children, especially in our age category. Our parents felt it an obligation to have children. They didn't have a choice. Children grow up and go out on their own, so you end up alone, anyway. Keep sending messages here. I found this by chance and noticed the people posting here have the exact same problems. At least I take comfort knowing there are others out there, we just don't know where. Where do you live?