About future and marriage

[rajputsenha]

i am an indian. I am 22 year old.I was involved in sexual relationship about a year but now i am afraid of being thinking about future. Will my future husband ever know that i am not virgin. I realize my mistake.And now because of my past i am living in depression.what should i do?

[Hidden]

Hi depression is a serious illness and you need help with it. Have you been to the doctors and sought help? If not this is what I would advise you to do. Have you anyone you can talk to about it?

As for the rest of your post I'm afraid I haven't a clue as this is a UK site and we don't worry about that kind of thing here. Again only your doctor can advise you on this.

[Hidden]

Hello

We are basically White, British Christians here and our view of life can be very different to yours.

You understand certain thing happen first time around, all I can really suggest is look for an excuse why this has not happened when you meet that partner you decide to settle down with. I do understand the situation is very different in India and things between couples do happen, I would suggest that way in this case.

Personally you need to talk with a person who understands the situation you have found yourself in. Do you go to a GP Surgery that has a lady GP, if not all I can suggest is explain your fears or forget about this problem.

You will, sad to say come to terms with what ever you decide, we all have regrets in life, we need to accept those and move on. This is of course the general Western Way

OO1

[Goldfish_]

Talking is the way forward ideally with a female doctor who understands your culture

[someonespetal]

heyyy, I understand your concern about the future but think about it this way, you can't change the past and it's a part of you and your personality. Marriage is about finding someone that understands you, supports you and loves you regardless of your past. My advice is to tell whoever it is you are going to marry before and that way they have time to think about it and if they will accept it. Honestly if they don't understand that you made a mistake and that you are over it they aren't right for you. In regards to the depression I think you need to come to a point where you accept that you did what you did and you can't change it and it has probably taught you stuff as well. I know this is really hard but why cause yourself stress and pain by thinking about it. Try and distract yourself and surround yourself with positive people , talk to friends about it and I promise you with time the wounds heal. Also definitely go see a doctor, you don't have to open up and be specific just tell them you feel very low and negative and you think you need help with the depression. Just remember that whatever choices you make there are always people that will love and accept you, we make mistakes, we need to do the wrong things sometimes to see what's right.

I really hope you figure this out xxx

[Hidden]

Hiya,

Of course this is not something you should have to hide but if it is your decision to hide it from your husband than I would not worry about him knowing. Not every girl bleeds when she loses her virginity (this is a fact - you can find this out anywhere online) so there is no way of a man actually knowing if you are a virgin or not!

Hope this helps. Try to relax and be happy! Life should not be full of worry and sadness if its not necessary.

Good luck!

[jennyjolly]

Greetings from Uk Rajputsenha,

Although British, i'm of East European family,

My friend is from Mumbai

So I do understand you real concerns

However your husband to be need not know

As women who horse ride or are very active

Although virginal, do not always display that evidence on their marital bed

Difficult on this site to clearly express to you the physiology of what I am trying to explain

Would you past liason talk to your future husband

You could always deny it

If you were English I would suggest honesty is the best policy

But your values are very different and the honour aspect is concerning

I would be very careful not to make the same mistake again.

Sometimes you just have to accept and live with an untruth

If it is the best and safest for all concerned..it's the right thing to do

I wish you eventually a very happy marriage with the right man for you.

[Amusebouche1]

Hi! I'm most certainly not a Christian! (No offence meant to those who are, but please don't make assumptions :)). Anyway, as above - the only way you can confirm someone is still a virgin medically as far as I'm aware is to check if the hymen is intact. But this could be broken for many reasons other than sex. Therefore really there is no way to know if you are a virgin or not, especially if you use tampons, etc.

Please seek help from your doctor for depression. If you feel you can't go to a family doctor you can seek help elsewhere!! I have several Indian friends who have engaged in sexual activity pre marriage with different men to their now husband. You can still have a really happy future. xx

[copasedic]

Forgive yourself