Lost

[Rainbow23]

I have had health problems for about 5-years and there is nothing more anyone can do about it. I am left with chronic pain and a daily reminder of the state I am in. Although the pain stops me from doing normal things that I used to do, it's the mental and emotional side of things that I now cannot handle.

I have been on anti-depressants for nearly a year and they were working but for the past few days I have felt empty, lost, almost like I'm just floating through the days. I cry for no reason and feel strange. I was so sad last night that I phoned the Samaritans just to talk to someone. I thought I would feel better after but I still felt the same. It feels like I'm in a dark place and it scares me.

[Frin9e]

hi rainbow23, time to go back to GP maybe a change in AD might help, I hope you're ok I wish I could help you more, always here to chat x

[Rainbow23 in reply to Frin9e]

Hi

I was reluctant to even begin taking AD as I didn't want to be 'that person'. They have helped but I don't want them to be my cure. I need to ride this as awful and dark as it is.

Thank you for replying to me x

[JonnyW]

I know that feeling Rainbow23 of just crying/floating/feeling strange. Are there any ways you can look after yourself mentally even if you can't get out and about? Anyone else you can talk to?

[Rainbow23 in reply to JonnyW]

Hi,

I carry on with normal everyday life. Going to work, seeing friends, going swimming (as that's the only exercise I can do) but I still feel like I am in a dream like state and I feel like I wear this mask that makes me seem fine and happy and even overly funny. But when I sit and have a moment to myself I know that I am just kidding myself and I am completely and utterly depressed right now.

I do believe that I have depression but it has its peaks and dips. These last few days it has really peaked. It's like been on a rollercoaster and if you jump off you will get hurt so it's best to carry on the ride until it comes to a stop. That's what I feel like. Though the ride is sometimes scary as hell.

[Emma7398]

Hi, I know exactly how you feel I too have had constant health problems for the last 7 years one being chronic pain others causing dizziness and tiredness it is extremely difficult to do normal things. I distanced myself from everyone and don't really know anybody but family now its so lonely and its so hard when nobody knows how you feel. crying for no reason, nightmares, depressing thoughts, being so emotional about everything etc. its so difficult, I am on anti-depressants too they've been changing them around for years for a while they seem to help but right now I just feel so lost. I just want you to know you aren't the only one going through this and to me its huge to know somebody is going through a very similar problem right now.

[Rainbow23 in reply to Emma7398]

Hi Emma,

I didn't think anyone was going to reply so I really appreciate it!

I do sometimes retreat into myself but I know deep down then when I am social and see friends I do feel a little lift. It doesn't get rid of the depression or even the sadness but for a few minutes or hours I don't think about it and I concentrate on what my friend is saying and get lost in there (sometimes mundane) stories!

What kinds of pain do you have and where? If you don't feel like sharing some personal information then I understand. After all it's not like we need another person feeling sorry for us or telling us how brave or special we are!!! That is the worst x