I dont even know where to start. I feel drained - my mind is constantly flooded with negative thoughts. I get angry for no reason OR little things set me off. Internally I'm screaming, punching, kicking, destroying things. Outwardly i try to keep myself calm. I close my eyes and breathe deep but my body still tenses up. On really bad days, like today, i hit things to feel the pain. I cry uncontrollably, i scream at the top of my lungs til my throat is raw. I go numb for a while but the anger never truly goes away. It's like it keeps building. And i dont know where it comes from. It scares me.
On top of that, my thoughts are constantly jumbled to the point where it makes me seem crazy when i do try to open up to people. It feels like there's something wrong with me.
At the end of the day i just feel super vulnerable and so worthless. And that makes me angry at myself for my choices which, in turn makes me angry for being upset...it's a huge ball of emotion that i dont know how to deal with.
And on my happy days I'm hit with random anger and depression bursts...they just come out of nowhere. i feel like i'm literally going insane. What is wrong with me?
I wanna curl up in a ball and cry. Is it possible that I'm bipolar?
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sunnybuN1
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No, why do you think you are? you sound depressed, I know the anger, the sadness and the worthlessness. I can't really give advice other then my training- which is to get help, talk to someone, be that a GP or a friend. For someone to understand is huge and yet i tell no one but I can be honest in your description, you are not Bipolar and it shouldn't be something that you worry about.
Thank you Skruffs. I've been trying to find a way to explain what happens to me and ehy i feel the way i feel so randomly, hence trying to label it as being bipolar. I thought if i could give it a name i wouldnt seem so crazy. It would ease my mind to know that I'm not losing it.
When i try to talk to people close to me the words dont come out right. Im all over the place because there are always a billion thoughts running through my mind all the time, contradicting each other, telling me I dont make sense...it's like a constant battle inside my head.
I know what it feels like to be happy and upbeat and at peace inside - and i want that consistently i just dont know how to release all this pent up negativity (or even why it's there/where it's coming from) and its the most frustrating thing in the world.
I am going to be honest with you, no one in this world ever feels happy and upbeat all the time, no matter how you may see them. I can fully understand that trying to talk to those close to you feels hard and the words don't feel right to express how you feel, also it doesn't hold the impact that you feel inside. I also understand that labelling something can help and give understanding but also can hinder and lock someone into something they may not be. Such as you mentioning Bi polar , which as I said before you appear not to be from your original description. I can not diagnose you, however I can attempt to help and i feel expressing feeling to someone, be that me or a friend/GP (general practitioner) your doctor can help. I have worked in mental health for some time and now work for the homeless, and feel I currently may suffer depression and understand how hard it is to talk to anyone.
Hello sunnybuN1, Welcome to this community. You do sound like you are going through a really rough time at the moment. You don't say what part of the world you live in, but there is always help out there. I think it's time, if you haven't already, to go and chat with your doctor about getting the appropriate MH advice, support and treatment. You don't have to struggle on alone. Take a look at our pinned posts section and keep our Crisis support helplines handy, and also free MH guides to download.
Hopefully you find folks here are very supportive and will empathise with how you are feeling. So over to you guys and gals for your input, please reach out to sunnybunN1.
Negative thoughts, especially when so intrusive, generate a lot of anger. I experience it myself regularly. You have the feeling you are always fighting against something and that leaves you both angry and knackered. I now let my bad thoughts flood in and listen to what they have to say. Then I try to push them aside. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't . But I've realised that the more I fight the more they resist.
You're so right Faylinn2. It takes so much energy to push them back down or reroute them. I've heard that letting them flow can help but, like you said, it's not always effective. Sometimes they're just overwhelming. I've started recording my conversations with myself. I'll go sit in my car and just talk - let out everything i feel, scream, cry, hit the steering wheel... whatever gets it out. It helps a bit.
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can help. I have worked in mental health for some time and now work for the homeless, and feel I currently may suffer depression and understand how hard it is to talk to anyone. 
Lost
I need direction
Somethings wrong with me and I dont know what 
Lost
