Warning: May Have Triggers

As I type this, I am crying so hard. This mental illness has literally ruined my entire life. Why?? I just can not handle this. Why do we have to live with constant sadness and fear? No matter if life is good or bad, it always feels terrible. I was in the hospital for 20 days (in February) following an attempted suicide, then I was in partial hospitalization for a few weeks. Coming back to 'real life' is kicking my butt. I miss my dear son terribly. I have no support other than my psychiatrist and psychologist ((and of course you guys)). I just don't see the point in pushing and pushing like this. I wake up everyday and feel it all hit me again. Like I am stuck in a nightmare and just can't wake up. It hurts. It beyond hurts. Nothing I do will take away the pain. I'd rather have a terminal illness instead of this hell. My mother is mad at me and is ZERO support. My dad doesn't get mental illness. Thank you for letting me vent. No one else gets me, at all. I hate being alone in this hell.

11 Replies

  • I wish I could reach out to you and help you feel better but I can't. I'm sorry you miss your son. I know what that's like. I have a daughter I haven't seen in five years. It hurts to the core and Ii don't even have a parent that is functional enough to see that I'm really hurting and isolating and not understanding what is going on with me a lot. I can't cry today. I'm numb. I don't know what's worse. When I was younger I was in the hospital too and although I hated it, there were people there that understood. When I got out there was no support system and the world just seemed a whole lot colder and I didn't want to be in it. But I got through that. It's hard to have mental health issues and trying to fit in when I'm depressed and anxious is usually impossible. So I isolate. I've lost friends and I've been judged when I couldn't communicate with others or even pretend to be happy. So hang in there. I've been through a lot and I have lost a lot. it's hard to just keep going sometimes when my depression/anxiety takes over. Be good to yourself. Don't judge yourself based on the emotional rollercoaster you feel like you are on today. Be your best friend, because all my friends left and I was on my own. Sometimes other people can't understand and you have to let that go. Be strong. Thinking about ya!

  • Thank you Victoria. That is a beautiful reply, and I appreciate the support. I'm sorry you are also going through similar. Thanks again :-)

  • WE "get" you. And although it feels like you're alone, you're not. I feel like that every day, but I KNOW I'm not alone. I'm being watched over ... guided ... and so are you love, so are you.

    I wish I could give you a silent hug and help you wipe away your pain and tears. But I can't. So I'll sit quietly by your side in this virtual sunny room and listen quietly .... we all will. Please don't cry. Please imagine a happier life ahead .... it's there, within your grasp. Believe it.

    Sending you love and sunshine x

  • Thank you so much Lizbett. I so appreciate the support and love. Words can not tell you how much I appreciate.

  • I feel your inner pain, I have not been in hospital, but have asked them to put me in a couple of times, but they wouldn't do it. I have lost all my friends, because of my depression and anxiety. I am also my daughters main carer, she suffers from seizures on a daily basis, I am now getting support with this from the carers centre. The support on here is great as we are all going through the same things. I hope you find more support, but please check in here regularly, as we do care x

  • Thank you Westie. I so appreciate the support. I am sorry about your daughter. My son has Autism, so I can relate to being a caregiver. I'd give my left arm to have him back under my roof.

  • Have you tried your local mind I started going 3 years ago. The support I get there has been wonderful and making friends with other service users I now feel the people in my life are very supportive for the first time in my life. I do have my moment when it's a little overwhelming but I know in time it will be normal and I won't even think about it.

  • Thank you Toadie. I've not heard of Local Mind but will check into it. I appreciate the support. Thanks again.

  • Dear RENEENAY444 What can I say to you other than two little words, "I Care". Peace & Love Pixiewixie xx

  • Thank you so much Pixie :-) I really appreciate the love and support.

  • Thank you everyone for your love and support. This is by far the worst I've ever been. Having all of you makes this SO MUCH easier. I can always come to my forum family. I really appreciate everything.

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