New member with BPD and GAD really struggling at the moment looking for support and advice from peopl who have the same

[H3aven1yhelpplz]

Hi everybody, today I couldn't go to work I just couldn't face the world so I literally have hidden all day like a hedgehog wrapped up in a ball. Not good when u r the boss running an accountancy firm and no one knows about ur secret illness and pain. Mental health is a taboo subject in this industry and BPD is portrayed in a terrible light on the internet I would lose work. Work is all I have left after my husband left. Anyways be good to hear from anybody and how they cope. With this illness as it can be so painful and lonely it can drive me to sucha low somedays. Look forward to getting to know u all. Xxx

[Hidden]

Hi nice to meet you and welcome to the site. I am afraid I can't give you any advice but I am sure others will be in either later or tomorrow who can help. This is a very good site with great people who all help and support each other. x

[H3aven1yhelpplz in reply to Hidden]

Hi coughalot1 thank u for a lovely and welcoming post. Its only my 2nd day on here and already I am overwhelmed by the support I have received. Glad I have joined. I hope you have had a good day too xx

[Stilltrying_]

Hello again H3aven1yrhelppllz, glad you have posted seperately as well. I did reply to your other message on the other post, David's post from a while back. I think you are doing the right thing not disclosing your diagnosis at work as you are right it has a terrible press. There may be a few people on here who have borderline personality; also there are sites directed specifically at it. Does it help you having that diagnosis though or thinking of yourself like that? If it fits then fine but you said on the other post you feel it is more PTSD and it may be better for you to think of it in that way.

People on this site will have various diagnoses or none at all but we have all suffered mental distress, many related back to poor family dynamics in the past or as in your case trauma emotional or sexual which has left us troubled and depressed. So hopefully you will find aspects you can relate to on here.

I hope this morning you feel a little better. The DBT you mentioned on the other post will really help you regardless of whether your diagnosis is correct as it includes mindfulness and just understanding emotions better and so on which would help anyone who is suffering from emotional distress.

You said in your other post you feel you will better in a few months time and also that you have family support and I believe also from what i have read of you that you can recover with help and from expressing and sharing on here and maybe also looking into other forums where people who have suffered from the specific trauma you have so unfairly are able to share their distressed feelings.

You are very welcome here though! Hope you get some more replies today.

Take good care, gemmalouise Xx

[H3aven1yhelpplz in reply to Stilltrying_]

Hi GemmaLouise how are you? Thank you for both your replies that is so kind of you. I have been overwhelmed by the support on here already. I wobbled a little this morning but managed to get to work albeit a little later. I do agree that I have BPD I have been diagnosed with it however me and my physichatrist (hard 1 to spell) both feel it should be renamed or relabelled as a post traumatic stress disorder instead of a personality disorder. We feel it is wrongly labelled under a personality disorder. I just feel currently very anxious and lost and low and alone. I feel I am hearing things wrong saying things wrong I feel no one has time for me I just feel whatever I do I can not do anything right. I am so fed up with it all. Its not nice feeling this way and knowing its linda ur mind doing it n u need to ignore it and breathe through itam u really do feel like u r on the border of going mad? I hope this is just another bad patch which means something good is around the corner xxx

[Stilltrying_ in reply to H3aven1yhelpplz]

Hello, yes let's hope so.H3aven You will need to work slowly on steadying your emotions; my opinion about that though is that you will have to go through the process of coming to terms with what happened to you as there is no point in steadying your emotions when those bad experiences are still inside. Sounds like you are experiencing a lot of anxiety at the moment; you are not going mad; anxiety can cause all sorts of weird feelings! You will learn to rely on you and your own perceptions of things. The experience you had may have made you doubt yourself and it will have damaged your trust in people; so take it slowly and you will get there. Try and think of what is your long term aim, to get well and that all these feelings will be worked through and pass in time. X

[trekster22 in reply to H3aven1yhelpplz]

There is some research out there that claims complex-PTSD (multiple or prolonged trauma) is the same as BPD. I am inclined to agree they can be very similar diagnoses.

However DBT can help either. I am on the waiting list for an assessment for DBT (another 10 months) but only accepted being on there because it can treat (C)PTSD as well.

In the UK there is no such diagnosis as CPTSD which is why patients get told they have BPD instead, IMHO.

[coatpin]

Yes I have been, I have enough education and in counselling and psychotherapy, but even my gp gives a funny face, if I talk about working. The bottom line is, they have never suffered it, and they have ignorance, which is only down to, they dont suffer it themselves. So if the shoe would be on the other foot.

They dont know enough about what counselling is, otherwise they know your trained by counsellors and after 7 years of observation of me and my skills, they wouldnt have accepted me or gone to go further in my career, if I wasnt fit to practice. After years of messing up my memory with these mind altering drugs, with after all this,,,,,, grrr. I could better serve people with this experience of exactly what it is like, from both sides of the coin. They could learn from me, but hey that would be too scarey for them bless them. Yes you do hear a bit of sarcastic humour.

It comes from the dark ages, Fear! they expect that you might start frothing from the mouth and start walking up the ceilings.

My advice, is accept your having a bad day. Your not too well at the moment. Tomorrow is another day. Try not to judge yourself, others will do that for you. I think your doing a cracking job in hiding it, as you must, because they wouldnt understand. Keep doing what is right for you. Sod the rest. Do what you have to do each day. and to survive. We all will keep your secret. We are here for you, Im also suffering from post traumatic stress disorder due to sexual abuse by a medical person when I was younger, and was stalked.

Family judge me, and say I should get a job!!

Linda

[Hidden]

Hi, welcome to the site. We will support you all we can and welcome your support whenever you feel up to it. You are right, mental health is still a taboo subject despite attempts to make it acceptable. You mention BPD and I am wondering whether you have been diagnosed with that particular problem or are concerned you may have it. You also mention that your husband left but are dealing with your feelings about that by throwing yourself into your work - I wonder whether doing that is causing you to have feelings that seem all over the place? You can be the boss and still have mental health problems as long as you seek help for them so why not see a counsellor or therapist for a time. There you can talk through how you feel about your husband leaving and you are likely to find that contains your feelings and prevents them spilling over into your work life.

Suex

[libby7356]

Hello 3avan, I have recently joined this group and with all honestly they have helped me...........Short profile been on anti-depressants for 30 years plus.....and I would so much love to come off them, so I am waiting on an appointment for Private counseling.

As Stilltrying said best not to tell them in work........unfortunately at the end of the day there is still a lot of stigma about mental health issues due to ignorance and lack of information.I used to work in a psychiatric unit and well let's just say I feel they did not get the full help and support that each individual needed. And yet I was too ashamed to tell any of them that I suffered with depression and most of them I considered to be very good friends.

THIS MIGHT SOUND RUBBISH BUT......have a go at writing some poetry of where you are right now curled up like a hedgehog...........it doesn't have to rhyme but at least I found it helpful for my black days...libby7356

[vickyrubbish]

Welcome you have come to right place as everyone here has been fab for me, it helps just knowing your not alone.

I think you need to get some counselling to help untangle your emotions relating to illness and marriage breakdown. I am going through a similar thing

I have been off work (accountancy!) for two months, but have started doing some voluntary work - new people, doing something positive with the day. Burying head in sand and keeping busy at work helped me initally, but lead to horrid breakdown earlier this year - so please go to doctors and get referred for professional help.

Thinking of you, keep in touch

x

[Stilltrying_]

Hi again H3aven, just found this website which you and others may find useful. It is about managing your emotions mindfulness and other skills to help you cope better. I particularly like the questions and answers section as it is not written by a professional but covers a lot of the emotional issues which some people may have with some clear explanations and "answers".

Although it is aimed at people with your current diagnosis, I like the bit where the author states that dialectical behaviour therapy (which this site is about ) "can help anyone on the planet." I agree with that. You do not need a particular diagnosis to benefit from this therapy but if you are confused about emotions or uncertain then it will help you.

dbtselfhelp.com/html/q_and_...

Gemmalouise X

[Hidden]

Hi H3aven1yhelpplz

I also have BPD and can identify a lot with our post, and just wanted to reassure you that you aren't alone

Also, the dbtselfhelp site that stilltrying_ provided a link to is known to be a really good one, so hope it might help.

Amanda