Bipolar and depression

[Alicia463]

Four months ago I knew where I was going with my life. Now it feels impossible. Spending money to go to school when my mental illness sets me up for failure in a workplace? Everything feels like a mistake. I can't function on medication but apparently if you don't take any than the mood swings will get worse? I feel like I am in hell. I feel like I'm living in a shell and unable to do or say anything. I'm failing as a person, and a parent. And I just want the pain and anger to stop.

[pw--]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hang in there though. There are lots of types of medication, have you tried different ones? I tried three before I found one that allowed me to live my normal life but made the emotional rollercoaster every day way less severe. It took the power out of the lows, without spoiling the highs.

I really encourage you to try everything you can.

[Alicia463 in reply to pw--]

Thank you. I have tried a good variety of medications over the last two years but I think I'm going to try again. I've been doing more research and I guess bipolar actually physically changes your brain and effects cognitive skills if untreated. If you don't mind me asking, what are you on that is working for you? And are the side effects minimal?

[pw-- in reply to Alicia463]

I don't mind a bit. I tried a selection of SSRIs (like Citalopram and others I can't remember) which made me feel either no different, or like a zombie. But I eventually tried Lofepramine, a tricyclic, which changed my life.

Might I also recommend seeing a nutritional therapist? I know one who suggested my vitamin D levels might be low. Got them tested, and they were at absolute rock bottom, it was also found to be the cause of other health problems. Fixing that was another major life changer.

You never know what these things might throw up. Keep looking for bits of your puzzle. I promise you it will be worth it when you find the right combination of factors.

[Alicia463 in reply to pw--]

Okay thank you. I'll check into that. I've heard about vitamins being worth getting checked but just haven't remembered when I needed to

[Suzie40]

I'm worried about this too. I've only taken antidepressants in the past. Recently the nurse has mentioned seeing a doctor with a view to starting on a mood stabiliser. I'm not sure how I feel about this as I am teacher. Lapses in judgement and concentration are not options ...

[Alicia463 in reply to Suzie40]

I've tried majority of anti depressants and a handful of mood stabilizers and all they have done is made me a zombie. So I went on a kick to try to handle it without medication. For the first half of the year I manage to do okay but for some reason when the middle of July hits I can literally feel my mood shift and it actually effects my personality it seems like. But I did some more reading on bipolar and it seems like every time you have a high or low it puts the mind into a stressful state and causes the hypothalamus to actually atrophy over time and can cause serious problems with cognitive thinking and memory.

I don't want to be on medication due to side effects but I also can't seem to functional well enough on most days. I wanted to go after my Ph.D but it feels like it's an impossible battle.

[Sarah1111111 Ambassador in reply to Alicia463]

how odd it seems to be July that my mood really dips as well, i wonder why?

[Alicia463 in reply to Sarah1111111]

I have no idea. It's weird right?? It's suppose to be when the sunlight starts to decline. But mine starts before that occurs. How long have you noticed it that way?

[Sarah1111111 Ambassador in reply to Alicia463]

quite a while, but noirmally my mood just lowers a little, whereas the last couple of years it seems to be more skydiving!

[Alicia463 in reply to Sarah1111111]

I'd keep an eye on it. I've been dealing with mine for half my life so mines unfortunately a little bit irrational.

[Sarah1111111 Ambassador in reply to Alicia463]

i will thank you, but maybe its quite common???

[Alicia463 in reply to Sarah1111111]

I don't think so. Most people I've talked to go "hmmmm" when I say it usually hits during that time. You're the first person to ever say the same.

[Sarah1111111 Ambassador in reply to Alicia463]

oh ok maybe we are just unique

[Hidden in reply to Sarah1111111]

Could it be seasonal affective disorder?

"Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is an umbrella term for mood disorders that follow a seasonal pattern of recurrence. Bipolar I disorder (BD I) or bipolar II disorder (BD II) with seasonal pattern (BD SP) is the DSM-IV-TR diagnosis for persons with depressive episodes in the fall or winter and mania (BD I) or hypomania (BD II) in spring or summer."

[Cuddly23]

I can't say I know how you feel because I don't. But I am in a similar situation. I am attending college online and I have a bipolar disorder and major depression. I feel too like I am setting myself up for failure in the work place. I haven't been able to keep a steady job and quit every one. My moods go up and down all the time. All I know to recommend is research the topic of a bipolar disorder and strategies to help cope. I am doing the same. I go to counseling every month. Some coping strategies are: doing an activity you love, exercise, paint/draw, read, watch movies. Anything to keep busy especially when you are in a high or low place.

[Hidden]

I am new to this site so I am reading tons of posts to if issues have arisen for me and the corrections for them. For keeping my head space clear I use Lamictal. I was skeptical of course. But within a week I could see a straight line. It's been a year and half and I now see even more clearly.