Living with bipolar mania disorder and severe depression.

[Franks07]

Hello my name is Chandler. I am 21 years old. I live in Louisiana and I am happily married. I am new to this community and I will be honest I am not usually comfortable with telling my story or explaining to others on what's going on. I will begin with being a small town child living as a middle class family in central Louisiana. My father which is a power line construction foreman and my mother a stay at home mom with three of us. I have two younger brothers one who is 17 and one who is 10. My youngest brother is deaf where as me I was diagnosed with bipolar mania and severe depression at a young age. My father was a abusive mentally and physically towards my mother and I and I have struggled day by day with the after effects it has left me. I've seen two psychiatrists and been prescribed four medications in the past. Several years later I met a girl from Facebook and just so happens we met in person and fell in love. My wife has high functioning anxiety and I believe she has bipolar as well just from experience with me having it. We are currently helping my 17 year old brother get on his feet and showing him that we are here to help no matter what. My family on both sides are very dysfunctional and cause nothing but pain and heart ache. I on the other hand have hurt a lot of people with my disorder and now I live in regret knowing I've caused distance to the people I love. My wife and I are in a healing process as of now from a past incident but at the same time her and my brother are best friends. I really don't have anybody that understands me and I feel alone... I don't know what else to do wether I want to stay? Or run away and begin a new life.... is it ok to feel this way? Is there anybody out there who feel like they have lost everything they love and are alone?... I need help...before I lose my mind and the stress along with my condition end up severely causing damage to myself and others.

[patliputra]

Bipolar is not such a disorder to be despaired off. Many people suffer from bipolar yet live a perfectly normal life

You have many positives. You understand and accept , there is some problem. You are trying to help your brother. You want to improve your relationship with other people. Please concentrate on these and think nothing else. Please do not dwell in the past. Past is past and it is gone.

Please try to interact with as many persons as possible and keep smiling. Forget you have any ailment. You will not get bipolar's exacerbation .

Good luck to you in your efforts.

[Clem5666]

Hi,

Like you, I too have been diagnosed with Bipolar with anxiety and depression which forced me to leave the Army after 20yrs. During that time I was married and divorced, had a relationship until I couldn't take it anymore.

I have tried to run away from everything and to be honest it doesn't work for myself. I live where I know no one and the only socialising I go is through my games console if I am not working.

The love of a partner can sometimes be daunting but the love they have for you strengthen your spirit and your mind. Also I see a consultant on a bi monthly period if I need to and I use them to unload all my problems or I use a clergy as an ear at a local coffee morning which is sometime an advantage as they may know other specialists in the field of mental health. (I am not a religious person).

All I can say is never give up. Your wife a pillar of strength, but one pillar cannot hold a building up (hence why I goto coffee mornings) and speak to your consultants. They may give you medication to find the right balance but it takes time.

I wish you all the best and hopefully this is may be of some assistance.

[Franks07 in reply to Clem5666]

Hey Clem5666 thanks for responding to my post. Thank you for your service as well in the Army. I was gonna join but my psychiatrist at the time definitely did not recommend it. I do a lot of drawing and gaming when I do have the time. I work night shift at a wholesale beverage company. But I find that my interests in what I love to do just aren't there like they need too be. I've seen my nurse practitioner and she told me that no psychiatrist are seeing any new patience which has lead me to the idea of group counseling. I see as you wrote above that you have been married and divorced and I'm not going to lie I am scared half to death of losing my partner due to my condition and hers as well. I find I might have separation anxiety too. It's good too see somebody else who has fought battles with bipolar,depression and anxiety.

[Fi68]

Hello Chandler, welcome to the forum. I live in the UK and have Bipolar II, which is characterised by hypomania and severe depressions. I do take quite a lot of meds that help ameliorate the symptoms.

I am just wondering if you have considered group therapy that could also include your wife? In my experience psychiatrists usually prescribe meds rather than actually doing therapy themselves, it is usually psychologists or mental health nurses that provide the therapy. Anyway, it's just a thought.

Good luck and take care,

Fi.

[Franks07 in reply to Fi68]

Hi Fi thank you for responding. I have thought about group therapy with my wife but tbh I am scared to ask her about it because she might get offended and over think about these certain things. I am well aware on coping with my condition it's trying to get her the help she needs and wants to take to keep it from triggering my issue? Does it make any sense? I'm scared of me losing her because she is lost out there somewhere with anxiety and depression and there is nothing I can't do to help bring her back and make her realize it's ok. It's so bad she has to have someone come with her into the store and she constantly apologizes for little things as if she is scared of something....I hate seeing her this way...I really do and no one deserves to feel that way. I am trying all I can.