Bipolar Disorder

I have had Bipolar since I was 12 due to past memories of someone close sexually abusing me three times from the ages 5,8 and 10. Bipolar is the worst thing ever and I bottle it up so no one sees me suffering, sometimes I just feel like killing myself but I just can't do it. I am too scared to go to the Police and the only person who knows is my mom and she can't control my episodes so I usually self harm to control it, but at the minute I have found listening to music helps but I know this will never go away so I try to stay positive for my family and friends. I will never forgive this person but I will never have to see him anymore as my mom doesn't let him see us, I am still majorly depressed and confused because all the memories come back and I still scream,cry and self harm but as long as I have got my family I feel way better and not just my family but music has helped me out a lot and I just hope no one else in my family have to go through this.

11 Replies

  • Hi it is hard to know what to say to you without knowing your age. How old are you please?

  • 18

  • Thank you. I was just a bit concerned you were under 16 which is the minimum age you can be on this site.

    You don't say whether you are on treatment for your bi-polar or anything. Are you taking meds and/or having any counselling. If not then get yourself to the doctors asap and get help. As you are legally an adult you can do this without anyone else knowing if you wish.

    It sounds too like you are suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. Again your doctor can help you.

    You have been through a terrible time and I really feel for you, but please get help immediately. You cannot deal with this on your own.

  • Thanks for the support

  • My heart goes out to you, I truthfully think that if you could build up enough confidence to go to the police and explain everything it will free you! Seeing the offender getting their just deserts will give you the justice you need! When abuse happens it makes the absed feel its something they did its their fault ,it is NOT ! its the person who abused you ,they should be punished sent to jail, It feels like you have to keep yourself clean or you have to keep busy because you think if you are busy itl take your mind off of it ! Well it doesnt , I am a bloke in my 50s and been through a lot in my years I wont bore you with my story its too long ! but honestly get the police to deal with it and you will feel a lot better in yourself with counselling you may even get better! (I have never advised anyone to get counselling before?)

  • One day soon I hope I can go conquer my nerves and make a statement

  • I'm in similar situation, I feel lost confused depressed I feel less alone knowing people have been through similar things. Hope you feel better soon xx

  • I have suffered tremendously but there is always someone who has or is suffering more than me, it makes me sad but also sometimes I feel I must be one of the lucky ones because I'm not a "Victim"I am a "Survivor " as I think most of us on here are,If we see ourselves as victims the abuser wins !

  • Thanks and same to you no one should suffer

  • Thanks

  • Hello there JadeLouise14

    You been through a dreadful time and I am so very sorry. If you cannot speak with someone you trust, please contact our Crisis Helpline and also read though the resource on that page, please do take advantage of any help offered to you. The link is below and please stay in touch.

    Take care.


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