Suffering from Bipolar Disorder with Anxiety and Depression

[Clem5666]

Hi

It's early hours on this Sunday morning and I had been a sleep for probably 2 hrs. So I thought I would write a little post all about myself.

I had served in the Army for 19 and a bit years before I was medically discharged with what was mentioned above.

During that time I had served in various bases within the UK and had been to Cyprus for 2 years and spent quite a lot of time in Germany too. I had also been to various hotspots in the world but I guess you don't need to hear me ramble on about them so I won't.

During my career I was married to a beautiful woman for 14 odd years but that broke down after I had been away and she had stated that she had found someone to replace me. I then took to binge drinking mainly on the weekends then maybe the odd school day. I had then met another gorgeous woman on a date site and we had hit it of like a rocket. I would be back on leave and spent most of it with her but that ended just over 5 weeks ago.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar with depression and anxiety attacks in January 2014 after I had eaten a Burger King. I had felt a little unhappy which then turned out to be me crying uncontrollably. I just wanted to get away from everything. I hadn't slept properly in years I was resorting to binge drinking I had lost weight dramatically. I had to speak to someone because this was so out of character for me and I did my St John leader who then got in touch with my boss who was also my Medical Officer and I voluntarily went to seek help in a hospital where they diagnosed me with the above. I was told that I was no longer allowed to do the job that I loved and had spent 18 months trying to change my life from serving in the forces to becoming a civilian.

I have been out since 2015 and I find it really hard. Like I mentioned earlier I left my girlfriend of six brilliant years and now living by myself and working a full time job where there is no social life

The hardest thing for me right now is controlling my symptoms and my anger. Trying so damn hard not to take my life from me because that's too easy to walk away from it regardless how much hurt there is and believe it or not that's no answer for anything or anyone because it's like a virus it destroys families and friends it just no good to do it. I had thought about it but no solution adds up to it. I have a very close friend who I talk to on a regular basis and she is fantastic about it all but that's a it is. There is someone out there for everyone regardless of your situation who will listen to your problems and who will help too. Easier said than done though just keep chipping at this thing callled life it's not easy but if I was then it would be a dull life. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel regardless how far you are from it.

My friends I hate to say but don't give up its not the answer there is always sun after a rainy day.

[Rottenapple]

Great post, it shows that these problems affect people from all different walks of life. You are dealing with your problems which is difficult but shows your character. I can empathise with the feelings that maybe ending life is the best way but know it would destroy the lives of people who love and care about me. Stay strong and good luck.

[Olderal]

You've had an interesting life. I have eaten Burger Kings without realising the risk I was running.

More seriously ,as a fellow depression sufferer you have the right attitude as shown in your last sentence. Depression always ends eventually although it can seem like a lifetime before that happens but the right medical care and therapy (having a good friend to talk it through with is a good therapy) will usually help to make it end more quickly. You are so right one does not give up. There is no rule that life has to be happy and sometimes life throws so much at you ,including depressive illness, thats its impossible to be happy. That when you have to have a rule that trumps this. That rule is that no matter what life throws at me I will not give up but will survive and deal with it. Thats all you have to do and eventually the depression will end and you've survived to find some happiness again.

Controlling your symptoms is difficult but I find it helps to accept that temporarily there is no happiness for me but at least I can make others happier by helping them, paying compliments, saying thank you,maybe buying a small gift they would like. Every time I do this I feel a little glow and eventually by making others happier I gradually start to feel better myself.

I'm sorry you had to leave the army but at least it gave you a tough attitude of none surrender which will be a big help with depression, and I hope you find work you love.

A final thought, i'm sure that you realise already that binge drinking or come to that any recreational drug are big no noes for anyone suffering depression. They give a very temporary feel good but every occasion weakens you that little bit at a time when you need all your strength.

Olderal

[beijaflor41 in reply to Olderal]

Great post, Olderal!

[Hidden]

That's a very inspirational post Clem and I have no doubt with your attitude that you will survive and prosper. Good on you. Thank you for posting this. x

[chloe40]

Hi Clem5666 and welcome to Action on Depression. You're in good hands on our Forum

Chloe

[Clem5666]

Thanks guys for your replies they are very much appreciated

[beijaflor41]

I agree with Olderal--it does seem like you've had an interesting life. I haven't been on this forum for long, but the support I've been given here has been invaluable! Your description of your experience makes me tear up--you're a strong person, Clem5666, and willing to take responsibility for your life, which is very admirable.

[Me-plus-one]

You too x

Hi ya btw x

[Gambit62]

Lovely post - are you in contact with any of the ex-service groups/charities - one that particularly springs to mind is Combat Stress - amongst the many amazing things they do is organising groups around the country that gives ex-servicemen and women the chance to get together and talk about things from a shared experience basis which is something that isn't always possible when you are surrounded by life-long civilians that just haven't shared the sorts of experiences you have had.

I found combat stress incredibly helpful as a civilian trying to support a friend who was ex-services but just went through a bad patch when his daughter announced that she was taking a job in Dubai ... his experiences of that region hadn't exactly been positive.

Hope you manage to find peace and the gorgeous soul mate you are looking for