I will do my best to keep this brief.
I am 37, married for 15 years and have 3 wonderful children (14,12 and 11). 4 years ago I lost my grandmother suddenly, my brother 3 months later attacked me and my mother and sisters cut me out of their lives for not forgiving him. He has serious mental health issues and is very violent. He hurt my husband the year before infront of our children, hurt his own kids, other family members etc... I decided to cut him out and was resented and rejected by the whole family.
Anyway, that led to me becoming extremely anxious and agoraphobic. I went on Mirtazapine 15mg as i wasn't sleeping or eating. It helped me sleep (still does) and I eat really well. I am now a health weight for the first time my whole life. I used to be under 6 stone. In 2013 and 2014 I had therapy and overcame my anxiety and agoraphobia massively. Life was good again. Then in 2015 I started with fatigue in the late summer. My GP ran some tests, he said all were fine and put it down to depression and anxiety but I didn't feel depressed. By the November my son was terribly bullied and he became crippled with panic attacks in school and was suicidal. My world turned upside down and I became bed ridden with stress. My GP ran more tests and diagnosed depression and trauma. He said it was very traumatic what my son had been through and had led to depression. He said that the depression could have been slowly surfacing since the summer hence the fatigue but I didn't believe that as I felt well.
January last year I was diagnosed subclinical hypothyroid. My underactive thyroid became treatable by the May after 4 months of awful fatigue and weakness. I am now on thyroxine and my GP is increasing my dose accordingly.
I suffer with fatigue daily, I get energy crashes if I say overdo the housework, or even just a trip to the park or shops can land me in bed for 24 hours with awful fatigue and weakness. I feel tired all the time but some days I can function better than others. I worry alot and try to work out why I feel so fatigued and tired. Which just tires me more. I have brain fog and horrible unreality. On top my anxiety and agoraphobia returned this last year as I went out less and less due to the fatigue and weakness and I lost all confidence in myself incase I fainted when out or something. So quickly I became pretty housebound again. I take the children to school every day in the car but other than that little else right now as my fatigue has become a big issue again.
In November my fatigue lifted alot and I felt mentally much better, I was out walking my dog daily, shops 3 times a week, park on the weekend and no major energy crashes. I felt amazing but then last month my anxiety hit badly, I was terrified about CHristmas, scared incase I crashed energy wise and ruined it for my kids, worried as I knew my mother and sisters would demand to see my children.... every CHristmas and birthday I dread their contact as any contact from them causes me severe anxiety. So December was a month of severe anxiety, which has now calmed a lot but I have awful fatigue again, body weakness and I have an energy crash once a week again. I am devastated as I was feeling so much better. I always say if this fatigue would lift I'd feel less anxious and get out and do exposure work but since this awful December I am back struggling with fatigue, leg weakness and no umph.
It seems to all be related to the fatigue why I feel so low and anxious. I worry about my health all the time since this last year. I have an amazing little family and I laugh and joke wuith them every day but inside I am so critical. I have just had a virus, and am still shaking it off , I had a panic attack driving the kids to school last week and since have been afraid to drive until this virus eases incase it happens again. I have been crying and beating myself up every night to hubby, thinking I am less of a mother for having anxiety, for having fatigue and agoraphobia again. I don't feel suicidal or anything like that but I feel so guilty, I worry I won't recover from this agoraphobia this time and i will miss out on my kids future weddings etc... I overcame the agoraphobia after i was attacked but fear this time I won't because I feel it's worse due to my fatigue this time round. I don't even go to appointments my GP comes to my house to do bloods etc and I feel so ashamed he does that but he says he understands feelign so fatigued and weak has flared my anxiety up again so he doesn't mind.
I don't want a life like this and am spending my days fatigued, brain fogged, unreal and beating myself up thinking I am a terrible mother and wife for being like this, this last year. I know I have an underactive thyroid but can anyone relate to this?