Once bitten, twice shy'....RIGHT? Doin the right thing can be scary..so how do you know when its a good time to take a chance?

So...when I turned this child predator/known abuser in my familys life was turned upside down and shreded to pieces. The law got involved...and it was all nine yards. There were social workers visiting homes, couple of people got harrassed at their jobs, a gun involved, restraining orders, court dates,...everythg. There are members of the family that still dont speak to each other....cousins who dont even know each other. Its been 4 years.... All because I made the call....but never admitted to doing so.

I never admitted to making the fone call because I was afraid for my own kids.

In the end....he got away....he made himself out to be the victim OF false accusations...and his wife and kids backed him up out of fear. They are totally brain-washed and cannot help in the matter. Sadly he is free....still doing things to children that he shoukd be persecuted for. I have no proof of him doin anything in the past....just relatives that has admitted to me of their encounter with him as children.

Just about 2 weeks ago through social (facebook) I came to find out that there is a new child in the home...a little boy about 2 - 3 yrs old being cared for by the daughter of the abuser. Its a baby-sitting job and she is getting paid to keep the toddler for most of the day.

If I speak up...things will get crazy again in my family. I am far away...a whole other continent away....but I keep thinking of the awful things happening to the baby. Ive lost so much sleep over this... Can anyone see a resolution to this without disrupting or endangering my family? I want to warn the mother..of the child...but Im afraid of the consequences my family will face. This is my mom, 2 sisters, brother and their families. I believe that he is capable of murder. Im not being over emotional or dramatic...If he can get a gun, go to my brothers house and make a threat...I believe with his temper problem...he could carry out that threat.

Do I just come clean with him and let him know Im making the call....so he wont go after the rest of my family? Our time overseas is almost up and we will be returning to the United States soon....in approx 3 months. Also, he can warn the mother and with his charming ways and lies manipulate the situation. There's got to be a way out without the drama.


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7 Replies

  • Hi

    I'm sorry you are going through this turmoil right now..

    It's always difficult to guide or advise on something like this as we don't always know the bigger picture in respect of the dangers etc what I would say is I would again report this anonymously, surely if reported it will need checking out, which in turn will alert the mother of the child....that is the important thing that the child is saved from this ,as I understand you know, there are ways to do this surely.....once alerted someone has to step in...

    I wish you well in this and at this difficult time,

    Sue xxx

  • Ps could you not also alert the police of your fears regarding his ability to hurt your family, I think, and I'm not you but I would have an appointment with the police and see what you can get done anonymously, were a child is involved again surely they can provide the protection for all that is needed.....

    Love sue x

  • It sounds like you have a strong true heart. It also sounds like you may need to step in and stand up for what you believe in.

    The child is what is important, but I agree with the post above, anonymous if you want to be would be the best way, but sometimes you have to come out in the open.

    It is your decision on what you wish to do, but definitely go to the police or social services to discuss your options and safety,


  • HI there,

    I would definitely talk it other with the Police , I would not approach him directly as you dont know what could happen. The Police are used to this, and will take your worries seriously and they should take it from there, and then you will know that you have done all you possibly can.


  • I was was abused,,, so in a small way I know exactly how you feel, but didnt get results lets just say.

    Could you not talk to the police,,, hyperthetically,,,, but face to face saying what if,, social services here are crap too,,, sadly. yes the people who are abusing are very crafty, and very manipulating in that,, they groom the kids,, and can be very persuasive, and plausible to the untrained eye ,,,like you and me, would see something else. Social services tell them,, they are coming, so the kids get attention for the first time, and promises,, sweets new dresses, ect.. the kids so thankfull and happy for the first time,,,.

    So when they arrive, the kids have been warned,, and threats of being taken away, thick in the childs minds.

    They say that they would notice if there was anything wrong, at school, thats also a load of crap,, school is the only place they feel safe, and can get a good meal. they get to play with friends. the abuse has been happening a long time, so why would there be any change!!!!

    But because the professionals are so busy being professionals,, ego and all, dare you challenge their beliefs That is where I decided to train, and talk thier language, maybe a chance to come out and speak out,,in their world.


    talk to them , asto what you know, could you not tape in your pocket,, and record a conversation,,,with someone whos knows about the abuse,,, but wont speak up,,,

    Tell them what happened before.. people hate child abusers ,, even the police.!!!

    you maynot be loved for talking out!!! but the kids willbe relieved, and you can sleep at night, knowing your breaking the chain. The others are in the sickness. You dont hve tobe.

    surely you could ask about counselling with the police, as this is a very very specialised area,, people need to mend,,, over time. some never mend. So you hve to do what you feel is right for you!!! When your talking to them, dont give names till your ready too... Till your sure, they are going to handle the situation, responsibly.. Tell them how they messed up last time,, social services,,,, The kids cant protect themselves, someone needs too protect them as the parents arnt!!!! hopefully he will get his punishment in prision,,, they hate child abusers too,,,the lowest of the low!!!! Take care,,, Im going to write a book so they can learn,, from xx were here for you,, remember!!! Linda

  • I would maybe be asking the people who have claimed themselves that he abused them, what they think about him having access to this child. It might be that they will now be prepared to come forwards to protect this child, and if not, it does kind of call their testimony into question. By confiding in you they placed you in a difficult position, and whilst you may have sympathy with them for not having the courage to take action for themselves, or out of fear of reprisals against other family members, I think you have the right to ask them to think again, and not try to take responsibility for this situation totally on your own shoulders.

  • The first thing you need to do is to persuade your relatives, who have admitted to you, their encounter with him as children. (Obviously by that statement, your relatives were abused by him as children). You need you persuade them to report the abuse. Once that's done, and he is under investigation, restrictions will be put in place surrounding his ability to come into contact with children. Everything what you said will be taken into consideration and actioned. He could be put on remand, sent to prison, whilst the investigation takes place, if it is deemed the best option, to safeguard him form others... and others from him. This is the only way to safeguard the child. But you must act and act quickly. Not ponder, this is a dreadful disturbing situation. I wouldn't hesitate, not for one moment if I thought a child was at risk.