My world has come crashing down

Hi all

Haven't been on for a while as was trying to get some focus.

Last I was on here I was having side effects from Lamictal and after a very slow increase things seemed OK side effects wise.

I got up to 50mgs until yesterday and Monday to Friday I'm bouncing along and a long calmer and then every weekend I crash really low. Yesterday was my worse so far. It was my 42nd birthday and a lof of people (including family) didn't message to say happy birthday. They have all recently started new relationships and I seem to feature even less in their lives because they seem to be all consumed. When anyone does try to listen or give advice they just don't get how I'm even feeling and the turmoil I am in. Yesterday I sat in the restaurant with tears falling down my face feeling so pained and alone with no answers to anything. I feel so angry and bitter at the moment and like I'm frozen in time whilst everyone else moves forward around me. The raging hormones as well has tipped me over the edge too....damn being a woman.

I don't know what way to turn or how to ease the pain which comes every week now. I feel like I need to cut everyone out around me until the down spiral passes and I'm back up again. I'm hoping the increase up to 75mgs may stop these low dips as right now they seem worse than where I was when I started out in November.

Any tips or kind words will be greatly received.

Thanks for reading guys

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12 Replies

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  • Depression is hell with all its ups and downs. Stay strong, thinking of you xxxxxxxx

  • Hey Tilliemay13

    Belated Happy Birthday <3

    I think maybe like me, you can be super sensitive and you have every right to be. I can empathise with that feeling of being forgotten many times over but I suspect it's all down to your medication. Try and bear with it and if it becomes to much, ring your doctor and ask for advice. [[[hugs]]]

    Chloe

  • Thanks both. I've been colouring my swear word book for last couple hours which has helped but as soon as I stopped I feel rubbish again. I've switched my phone off as I can't bear looking at it when nothing is coming through from people I want support from. I go to the gym regularly but today I just cannot seem to muster up the willpower to go (even though it will probably help) and now I'm thinking a glass of wine might just take the edge of 😢

  • It's great that you get some good days. Hang onto the positives

  • Thanks Godfish, I know I have to concentrate on the good days but it's hard when these waves come crashing in. It's funny though as in a couple of days time I'll forget how bad it was until it comes crashing back in again!

  • Be thankful you have some good days. Don't want to lose those. Try and work out what is associated with the good days and try and ensure you do the right things to increase them

  • Hi Tillymay13

    I don't know you but I care about you & am sending you a big 🤗 🤗 hug! II'm glad to hear that your side effects are a bit more under control, it's not a drug I have used or have experience of so I can't really comment on it, but I hope & pray it helps you! I know what you mean about the hormones, they can screw me up so tightly sometimes that I want to shout & scream!

    My family don't celebrate birthdays except those of my nieces & great-nieces! I might get the odd card but nothing else on the day, no texts, calls & no get togethers, they refuse even call me by my proper name! I'm surprised they even remember when it is!! And I have a couple of friends who send a card, but I hate & dread my birthday! So try to treat it as 'just another day'!

    All my family & any friends are in relationships & have spent very little alone! My last relationship was over 20 years ago! So like you they don't understand what it feels like to be just you & I too feel that frozen feeling, but sometimes I want the merry go round of life to stop so I can get off!! You said you feel angry & bitter, unfortunately the only one that gets hurt by these emotions is you! Everyone else just seems to get on with their lives in this chaotic world! Barging into others in the streets, as long as they get where they are going!

    I would love to help take your pain away & answer your questions! But I don't have that power, but I can try & be here for you, feel free to pm me if you want to?!? Along with the rest of the community who All care about you & want to know & care how you feel! You are a beautiful, unique person & we may not be your family, but we genuinely care about You!

    Try Not to shut us out, let us in if you can, as we can be a sounding board & support you as we possibly can!

    I am one, who does want to understand your spiralling turmoil if you are up to talking or pm it? Always feel free to post, there is always someone here who cares about you & will respond!

    Take Care of You! We are here for you! spykey 🤗

  • Thank you, very sweet message. Today been slightly better but I feel some numb and cannot work out what purpose I have sometimes. I'm hoping I get some clarity very soon x

  • Hi Tilliemay, sorry your feeling so down😞I don't know about your medication either and I think being over sensitive can be a big part of depression and anxiety. Happy belated birthday to you too 💐🎂. I can be so over sensitive sometimes and take things to heart but I've been like that since I was a child. It is upsetting people forgot your birthday but I'm sure they wouldn't have done it on purpose. People get wrapped up in doing there own thing when things are good for them. As for the hormones 😫Well that's another story isn't it!! If you know it's going to happen regularly on a weekend try prepare for it. Tell yourself the night before before you go to sleep!! Tommorow is going to be a good positive day!! Give yourself good affirmations. Eventually your subconscious will get it.plan what you would like to do and if you haven't already try meditation and mindfulness. It's helping me greatly. I still get down sometimes but that's when I start overthinking things and the meditation takes control of that😀You've already had some great input from the other guys I see. Take care sweetie 😁

  • Hi Tillymay glad your back and it's important to get all the support you can.

    I know I am like you in that I am too sensitive and little silly things upset me, so I really know how you feel, but on the plus side that can make us feel compassion for others and we are kind and thoughtful.

    I often feel my family don't get in touch much They are all married with children and stuff and I think they have no idea what it is to live alone. Rather than any illwill on their part.

    Message me any time Tillymay. I wish you a belated Happy Birthday too.

    Hannah

  • Christ you sound like me. I so have so much compassion for people and always giving advice and comfort to other people but I don't seem to get it back as much as I give out.

  • Thanks all for your lovely messages. I went for lunch with my Mum and sister and although they made an effort and spoilt me, I just felt disconnected and like I had nothing to give. I'm normally a bouncy, chatty and fun person normally but I seem to be void of anything. Can't even find a smile right now. It was so tough they were both relentlessly talking about their new partners and about meeting up to go on double dates. How do I even fit there? I just went quiet and didn't feel present in the room. It feels horrible that I can't be part of this. It was harder that they both looked close and leaning into each other and giggling together. It was me once like that, my Mum's baby girl that was close to her. Now I just feel stiff and cold 😢

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