I'm new here , lonely but hopeful

Hi everybody

I used to like being on my own . I was even used to boredom and routine life . Why does that bother me so much now (being alone) ?? Why do I feel invisible and useless and depressed though I am aware there are lots of people who are worse off than me ? It's crazy but that doesn't stop me feeling very low and sad . I used to live a lot in my head but last couple of years I started noticing things around me (mainly differences between me & others to my distress) and I have been feeling discouraged and miserable (even so more now in winter) more and more .

I feel very empty and that hole n my heart and soul is getting bigger and I am so scared the emptiness will win . Not that I am scared of death . I just don't want to botch it as they say .

I have been depressed since a teenager and I thought various medication and so-called counselling would "cure my terrible inherited disease" . If you are lucky you get some temporary relief and then out of the blue it starts again ( sometimes it comes back with a vengeance) .

Talking with people , which for a long time was such an ordeal, does help too but it's like a sticking plaster on a bad injury. I just don't know what to do . It, like going round and round in circles but no one can see you or hear you and you end up thinking "what's the point?" . Please could some one cheer me up and make me feel alive ?

10 Replies

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  • Hi there cecilia13

    Welcome to Action on Depression.

    You've come to the right place :-) I'm sure our supportive members will reply shortly.

    Warm wishes

    Chloe

  • Hey, I completely understand how you feel right now. Recently I'm always stressing myself out and becoming increasingly anxious due to feeling completely alone. And I understand you when you say about others being worse off than you. I try to reiterate this to myself when I'm down but as I'm sure you know, it doesn't really help because either way, to us, in that moment, we are extremely sad and incapable of suddenly cheering ourselves up by comparing our situations to someones else's. which by the way, you should never do. Don't ever think you should or shouldn't be a certain way because thats how someone else may be. Be true to yourself and honest within your own emotions. If you're sad then okay, thats completely okay. accept that, embrace it and establish first why you're feeling that way. then you can start to look at ways you can improve this and perhaps prevent this from happening as frequently or as intense. For example, Ive started to reconnect with family, just a simple call or text has made me feel ever so slightly better at times. And just treating myself better like working hard to afford little things such as new make up or clothes or whatever. You need to learn to love yourself and really appreciate how wonderful you are because its true, you are a gift. Unique. You'll have something completely individual to you that you can bring to the world. I also try to cope through music as i play piano and sing, so my biggest release and coping mechanism is to write songs or quite angrily play the piano or even just put on my huge headphones and play my favourite band as loud as possible whilst foolishly jumping around in my bedroom. How about you? Whats your release? If you don't know already, these are things you should be open to explore. Ive been depressed for a long time too, for as long as i can remember to be honest but its not constant. It will come and go in different strengths which as much as id love to be able to, i just haven't mastered the control over. Why don't you try something new, find something you didn't even realise you were great at or if you already have something like that which you love, pursue it! I recently bought some really helpful books that id recommend, one of which is called 'calm' and its helped immensely. One activity within this book is to write down, daily, what you're thankful for that day, what made you happy and what you did to make someone else happy. Theres also lots of creative activities which help such as poetry writing and meditation. I definitely agree with what you said about 'its like sticking a plaster on a bad injury'. It can help to talk but i agree its no cure, sometimes its just putting off the real healing process but to do both is good. to speak about your emotions to a friend, partner, stranger or counsellor is a great experience but you do need to have some self worth and belief because trust me you can do it. Anyone can. All that truly matters for you to be happy is what goes on inside your head, which i promise you, you can and will one day have control of. I don't know if it would interest you but exercise is amazing for clearing my mind, improving my ability to have a broader, more positive perspective and in general feeling a lot better about myself as a whole.

    I hope you feel better soon, you deserve it.x

  • Dear Bonnie 128

    Thanks a lot for your long kind reply . I do need cheering up and chatting with someone if only online .

    Yes I do love music and singing like you but you forget your awful loneliness and the huge big void in your life for only a while . Everything is temporary and like you said rightly like a sticking plaster on a deep worsening injury .

    It,s so hard to motivate yourself when you live on your own and nobody cares ,starting with oneself, and nothing seems to really matter .

    I wish somebody (nice of course) would adopt me and take good care of me as if I were some abandoned kitten or puppy .

    I tried reading self-help books and a bit of meditation but they are lonely activities and my depression (infinite sadness) always get worse in the winter . Some days it is even difficult to get out of bed , let alone go out .

    I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up and forget every thing .

    Please keep in touch if this is not getting too heavy and distressing for you .

    Take care because you are a lovely sweet person.

  • No one is an island. We all need some human contact. Do you have any pets? Animals are wonderful companions. It's not easy to meet people these days either for romance or friendship. It's especially hard if you're not outgoing and the people you do meet have different values and interests than you. While we all whittle our way through the daily grind trying to make cintact with others, please know this site is full of warm, understanding people who can make you feel safe and accepted.

  • To White Alice

    thanks for noticing me and chatting with me on HelthUnlocked.

    thanks for your suggestion about getting a pet .

    Ionce had a sweet so affectionate black cat who died end of 2012 . I had her for about 10 years . I was so broken hearted and depressed for months when my dear cat died .

    That's why I don't want another pet . You do so much get attached to a pet like a hyman being and I coud not bear it to leave my pet to fend for itself if I die before it .

    It's true I was less depressed and anxious when I had my cat .

    I need to feel that I belong , that some one is there to listen to me and reassure me .

    Do you know I used to sit for hours down shopping centre silently looking at people around just to feel alive , just to hear some noise and be near people ., have some kind of human contact . This is so sad and pathetic , but that's how lonely and desperate I feel and have been feeling for years (even more intensely and painfully in winter) .

    Please stay in touch with me at least until spring when hopefully I will feel a bit better .

    Cecilia13

  • Celia, I'm so sorry about your cat. I've lost many pets over the years. I love rats, but they only last a few years. I buried many. For a while I volunteered at an animal shelter. Every week the new animal friends you made could be gone forever, replaced by more furry, lost souls. It was heart wrenching. Then I decided thst instead of trying to rehabilitate cats & dogs that would never live to see new homes, I would make their last day or so on earth as happy as I could. I brought toys & treats, walked them, got in the pens and sat with them, brushed them, hugged, & kissed them. That became the most rewarding experience. It helped put the sadness into a different package. I felt it, but it didn't devour me like some sadness did. I miss those days. Don't fear the loss, if you try again with a pet.

    Know that you are not alone. I'm here. We are all here. I don't know yet what it will be, but I want to work on a plan to help me feel less lonely after I move (2 1/2 more days!). If it works, I'll share it.

  • Dear WhiteAlice

    tank you for staying in touch and thanks for your kind words of reassurance and comfort . You have no idea what difference your kindness and confidence makes to my persistent worsening depression .

    So you are moving very soon. Good for you , I hope it was your choice . That should distract you from your low moods for a while ( some welcome relief/escape , no?) I wish I could move to a new place or even country but I lack the means and motivation and willpower . I think there are too many painful memories where I live and it would do me a word of good to cut off all links . But like many people I am scared of change and taking big risks (especially as I am old) and it is sohard to get organised and be selfdisciplined when you live on your own . I have no patience and I am not very good at making & sustaining efforts !

    I like your idea on working on a plan to be less lonely . Please share your ideas/suggestions with me whether they work or not . OK ? At least you are looking ahead (future not past) and looking forward to moving to a new place/home as well as working on being less lonely . Well done!

    Can you please advise me or just comment on this: why after many many years of living on my own and of having to fend for myself and even of liking it being on my own since a teenager , why (oh, why??!) am I horribly deeply and persistently depressed about it? Why is loneliness turning into some obsession wit me when I should be used to it by now ? Why being lonely, living on my own make me feel so useless and hopeless and miserable ? WHY, why? Blind or handicapped people get used to their dreadful condition , so do people in jail (some of them for life) . WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ?? Why cant I accept that ?

    Hope you will reply to me soon . Thanks for cheering me up . Cecilia13

  • Cecelia,dear,maybe you're not supposed to be alone. Maybe it's time to share who you are with someone.

  • Hi Cecilia13

    Welcome to the HU site, you have come to the right site & you are no longer alone, everyone on the site is so supportive, friendly here & look after each other in our different ways!

    I read your post & understand and have experienced a lot of what you mention about being alone! I have had a number of times when if I didn't have my babies (cats) I wouldn't have bothered getting out of bed & at times I'm sorry to say be here! However, I am here, and you are here for a reason! We are also unique for a reason! Please don't feel patronised, but well done for sharing so much about yourself which is not easy by any stretch of the mark!

    I have family as in parents & siblings, though I might as well not have, as they don't get my physical or mental illnesses ( I am in a wheelchair due to a rare physical condition, I'm not asking for sympathy or pity) & struggle with bpd, depression & anxiety & if I attempt to comment on how I am feeling my mother says that I was always the awkward one! My sister works every hour God sends & is always really busy, my brother (who & sister-in-law didn't even acknowledge I was in the same room as them at Christmas ( & had the cheek to give me the present back I gave her last year!) so my family aren't really there for anything useful!! But yes I have family & know despite their behaviour, I am luckier than those who don't have family!

    I haven't had the blessing (some people may not see these as a blessing, but each to their own!) of marriage or children, my babies are my kids & just as expensive, 😺😻 But my cats love me unconditionally & me them!

    Each day & hour is different & constantly changing I never know what is round the corner! I have to have carers, who are often the only person I speak to or see that day, & it's often difficult to talk to ever changing daily carers who may only be here for an hour!

    I'm So sorry I was not intending to write So much about me & be so negative (I guess you've gotten to know me a bit better!) I was aiming to say you are not alone & am one of many here who are ready to listen & support you when you need it!

    Take care of You, pm me if you want to. spykey

  • Hi Spikey

    soglad to har from you dear kind soul and to kno that some people still care

    thank you for your kind words of comfort and reassurance n my deep very lonely depression which started last October and hopefully will be less intnse after spring . They say everything do and will pass but you cant help wondering how much longer and maybe this time its terminal, the end of the end .

    Trouble with family and friends and people in general is you cant live with them and you cant live without them . Sometimes you wish they were not around only to miss them later. Maddening !

    Having ahusband and kid or kids is no blessing only for the very few lucky ones who worked very hard at it and were rewarded for their perseverance .

    Marriage or even living together is a lottery and as in every lottery there are more losers than winners . Also people change constantly and nobody can predict the future .

    I once had a sweet playful affectionate simple black cat which was a very loyal and great companion in my loneliness & despair . Unfortunately she died after about 10 or 12 years in 2012 . I was so broken hearted and so depressed for a year . I never thought my cat would one day die of old age and leave me . It was aterrible shock and I still miss her nearly every day when I come home and expect her to wait for me by the front door . I don't want another cat or pet . Its just too painful when you lose them ! I was also worried sick when she was constantly ill and miserable in her last 2 years .

    I suppose I am lucky I am not in a wheelchair dependent on fleeting carers

    and I admire your courage in facing reality . Sure things can always be worse and there will always be worse off people than you but what is the pont of carrying on living and carrying on suffering while the world is indifferent and there are already too many people on earth ?

    Would love to hear from you again, even if only a chat about nothing or your daily life or your hopes and fears . Anything is better than nothing! Thanks and God bless you .

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