Mental Health Support

I'm facing a dilemma

I am supposed to be giving up the evil weed tomorrow. I have joined the quit site on here and they all are brilliant and I have a smoking buddy. The trouble is I am feeling depressed and very flat and lifeless and have rarely felt so unmotivated in my life.

I was going to get an e-cig early in the week to start practising but haven't yet. I can still do it with patches coz I have some of those in but am dreading it. I feel like a failure before I even start.

I wonder if it is my mind playing tricks on me? I don't want to let my smoking buddy down but nor do I want to try and give up feeling like this. Or will I always feel like this about it?

Who knows?

What do you all think please?

Thanks Bev xx

21 Replies

Now Bev I'm going to be firm with you here. It's very natural to be fearful

Of giving up smokes or food or drink. So keep your hair on, ok I can understand

How you feel you don't want to let your smoking / give up buddy down, but I

Think it's worse if you do t make the effort.

You will have to push through with the discomfort and loss of the relaxation

Feeling that smoking gives you.

Please Bev think of your health and maybe it would help to write down on

A sheet of paper the Consequences of You NOT giving up smoking, that might help

You to Focus on WHY you are giving up.

Bev it's never going to be easy. To do it and there is never a good time to

Do it. Lol. We will be here to encourage you and praise you and spend all

The money you save. Lol.

Bev I would hardly expect you to be dancing a jig around your kitchen

At what's facing you, but when you begin to feel the health benefits of

Giving up, you will be dancing a jig of pride in yourself.

Big hug to you

Hannah xx


Do you mean weed as in cannabis? If so, I think that might be even more tricky than smoking? X


No cigarettes of course! x


Bev I can see you feel very down !!! What's going on?

1 like

Wish I knew Hannah. Am crying and I never cry. Something has just happened on another site which has pushed me over the edge I think. I am on another depression site and I gave a reply to someone and 2 people had a go at me saying my reply was rubbish and not helpful. The other one said I am one of the reasons he can't get help and is accusing me of playing the system. That's how I'm feeling - like rubbish and just want to be chucked away as garbage. I am having the urge to just go on sit on the garbage dump in my garden. It would be fitting.


Oh Bev that's awful. That's the most ridiculous thing That he

Has said. You know the best thing to do with someone so judgemental

And horrible is to ignore it and him.

You know yourself that this is total rubbish, he is obviously lashing

Out at you so don't accept it. Just best take a break from that site if

It's upsetting you. The trouble about the Internet is people can

And do say anything and everything and you have to expect that is

The down side of the web. Bullying is what it is, don't feel you should

Sit on the dump, let him go sit there. Don't waste your energy on him.

Make a nice cuppa and take five. Your health is what's important, so

Let it go.


Hannah xx



Thanks Hannah. Just been back on the site and put a post up about how it all made me feel. I got so many messages of support straight away agreeing that I was just trying to help and that the 2 who slagged me off could be trolls. Even the original poster said my reply was fine and appreciated it. Am feeling quite a bit better now and a bit less like garbage! As someone on there said that's where trolls live - on rubbish piles.

I did make the point that I don't have a problem with anyone disagreeing with what I write as long as they are polite about it. But to put nasty replies in is not on especially on a depression site is it? No one here does that thank goodness. Bev x

1 like

Bev I am glad your feeling a bit better about that now

Take care. Xx


Great, well done. But don't forget Bev that you will upset some people some of the time. We all do that sometimes. Seems you expect yourself to be perfect and not like the rest of us imperfect mortals!! Take more care of yourself! xxx


Yep I know that Sue and most times it doesn't really get to me like this. I can ride out this sort of criticism. But at other times I can't and don't know why. If I could recognise that I am feeling fragile I might be able to avert this but the trouble is I don't. I am detached from my feelings too much but don't know how to undetatch if you get what I mean. That's probably the crux of the matter. Any ideas on that please? Or anyone?

Thanks Bev xx


Many years ago I managed to overcome similar feelings that had been with me since childhood, then I read something by the psychoanalyst Winnicott who said 'the breakdown you fear has already happened in the past' and that made sense to me, so finally one day I weas tired of fighting my fear, of holding myself together, and let go. I found nothing happened, it had all been in my mind. To be more in touch with your feelings means you have to allow yourself to accept whatever happens, to give into possibly collapsing - when you are ready you will do that. xx


That makes a lot of sense Sue thanks. I have done that a few times in the past but always under the influence of alcohol as it seems more acceptable then.

I guess my big fear is if I let it happen badly enough I would never get up again and end up a basket case. Doesn't that happen? Wouldn't it be the case? I always have recovered after the involuntary ones though even though I still feel shakey today. Bev xx


No, the MORE you allow yourself to feel (however awful) the less you will feel awful! Hope you can feel better soon. xx


Bev that also maybe triggered some childhood stuff too. But it's the past.

Don't mind them, I can't imagine you being unhelpful. Xx


It really is their problem if they are unable to use what you offer Bev. What is stopping you from seeing that, is it that negative view of yourself which you fear is correct?


It is you trying to maintain your negative view of yourself - to let yourself feel more positive is threatening because you could turn out to be wrong and then collapse again, seems you think that worse than staying put. Take the risk of falling. x


Thanks Sue. Falling is terrifying and uncontrollable. But this is the first time I have ever been able to share this with friends and got support so maybe it is progress? No one has shouted at me for feeling like this or shied away from me as some sort of loony... don't know got to think - still feeling very shaken up. Bev xx


Yes Bev, it IS progress :) xx


Do other people do this then Sue? Is it normal? Do you learn to cope with it and how? How do you control emotion? How do you avoid others thinking you have gone loony? How do you think when all you can feel is emotion? x



Yes Bev it is normal for people who have had anxiety that has seemed life threatening to them (and feeling we might be all bad threatens our existence - after all who will love and take care of us if we are bad...?) and have felt there was no one to help them manage that anxiety and make things ok. You can learn to cope with it and overcome it by NOT trying to - by allowing yourself to feel the very worst that can happen and find nothing bad results. For example, allowing yourself to feel that - just perhaps - you ARE all bad might make you feel very distressed - and then people would show they care about you and would want to comfort you and you would learn that you cannot be all bad because otherwise why would they (and all of us) care about you. xxxx


I remember one of the worst times this happened a long time ago now. The same patten but I was out with work colleagues at a pub. I ended up in the pub toilets sitting on the floor for a couple of hours just shaking and hunched up in the corner. I felt like I had lost my mind and my head felt like there were cracks in it which I was trying to hold together. Awful. x


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