Sadness

Hi. I apologize ahead of time for this very lengthy post but I am hoping that somebody reading this will understand. I was diagnosed with MS in 2005 but my first episode was in 1997. I think I don't pretty well and continued teaching preschool children with disabilities until I was forced to retire in 2011 after the last bad relapse. I have been on Tysabri since 2010.

Fast forward to a few years ago when I developed severe gastroparesis (delayed stomach emptying) which threw me for a loop and FOREVER changed me. I lost a ton of weight and a ton of friends, but more importantly, I lost myself. I don't consider myself fun to be around anymore and get very nervous being around people for that reason. I am overwhelmed, especially in public. I am unable to make decisions, and get really panicked over the stupidest little things. My anxiety is through the roof. I have bad OCD now. I am on martizapine and the dr just started me on Lexapro, as well. This, of course, adds to my stress because of the potential side effects.

I have so much to be thankful for, so why do I feel this way? I have a wonderful husband who didn't believe me when I was diagnosed with MS and he stuck by me every step of the way but I feel so bad for him. I am a lot to handle these days. Thank you for listening. 😒

9 Replies

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  • Hi, I'm so sorry you've had such a rotten time, it's quite understandable why your anxiety is through the roof. Being diagnosed with any life changing illness turns your world upside down. I myself have had issues with my health and it's only really now I'm coming to terms with my own diagnosis of Crohn's disease and having a colostomy bag. I lost me too!! I didn't even feel human at times. I found out who my friends were!!! It's the people who stand by you in the hard times and that's not always who you expect it to be!! It's been two steps forward and one step backwards at times. Don't be hard on yourself and certainly don't apologise for writing a long post!! It wasn't and even if it was it didn't matter. Just get it off your chest. 2weeks ago I joined a meditation and mindfulness class. Already it has changed my life!! I had v bad health anxiety sometimes. It makes the overthinking stop for a while!!! No stress!! No worries!! Just you in that lovely peaceful place of quiet and calm. I'm working on doing it for my self. If you are able to get to a class it may help you get things into perspective a bit and build your confidence. The guy who teaches it told us tonight he was diagnosed with a terminal illness 9 years ago. It shook his world but he's used meditation to cope and stay well. I hope you find new friends and much comfort and support on here. You take care And welcome to the forum 🙏🏻

  • Thank you for your kind words

  • Welcome to this site hopefully you will gain a great deal of support

    I suffer from a Chronic Pain Lead Condition and hopefully we can help make life a little bit more positive.

    B.

  • My mum was diagnosed with ms in 1995, I was 15....

    She also has fibormoralgia.....

    She has taken every medication available and even some clinical trials in 2001 and 2004.

    She also has quite bad OCD....

    In 2006 (after a change in medication) she reacted really badly and attempted to take her own life.

    That was my mother at her lowest, after numerous specialists, and tests, and being sectioned, and medication, she decided to go on a souls searching trip to Tibet in 2009.

    There she discovered hemp oil, (cannabis oil)

    I AM BY NO MEANS PROMOTING THIS......but it has seemed to work for my mum, she doesn't have anxiety as long as she has her "special tea" in the morning, she is also into reiki, and cleansing meditation.

    I admire my mother for coping the best she could and turning the negatives into positives.

    She ran with the OCD and set up her own (now very successful) cleaning company and only employs ppl with OCD.

    My point is.....every single person is different and after my mum being put in various boxes that didn't suit her, she went on her own journey and found her own answer to living a full life.

    To meet my mother today, you'd never know she had any issues at all. She is happy and vibrant and full of life, she said she feels better in the last 5-6 yrs than she's ever felt, things are less hazey in her brain, her thoughts and emotions are slowed down and relaxed, and she's a much better parent in my opinion.

    She grows her own plants, she makes her own oil and because she chooses her own medical therapy x

  • What a lovely uplifting story I couldn't help but giggle when I read she only employs people with OCD, she will know the work is done right x

  • What an inspiring story. Thank you for sharing it with me. Ive heard hemp oil really works. I live in Florida where medical marijuana just passed.

  • ajtiny

    I too understand the gastric problems, including gastroparesis. It makes you realise how sociable eating & enjoying food together. This is so very important, till you are no longer part of that group.I too seem to have lost a lot of friends, perhaps it was as much my fault as theirs for my complete retreat from a previous existence. I sense like me you wonder where you are, even who you are? Yet we are human, we are endlessly becoming. You did very well preparing little ones for their next big step in life. Now that strength & energy may be what you need in your life just for yourself! Nothing is your fault! I understand the hard time that you have had & the effects on your body. Your sensitivity allows you to think so much about others. Do you ever think about how brave you are? Please do not be hard on yourself, you have no need to apologise for explaining about your illnesses, your post was very succinct & was not long at all. I think you are lovely, those so called friends you once had will find it hard to replace a special person like you. Yes, you are special when you endure what you have & still think of others. I am thinking of you, please try to put yourself first, even for a very short while. I am thinking of you and hoping that your medication will help you to ease even just a very slight aspect of your anxiety. Take very special care pixiewixxie xx

  • Thank you sooooo much for your response and tenderness, Pixiewixxie. While I don't wish this on anyone, it is comforting knowing that I'm not alone. ❤

  • Update.....my stomach couldn't tolerate the Lexapro. The psychiatrist told me that there's nothing more he can do for me. I am back to square one with headaches, feet pain, fearful of just about everything and panic in high gear. I cannot go into 2017 feeling this way.

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