Hi, I've new to here so not really sure how it works but here goes.
I'm 23 and lost my mum to cancer when I was 18. I thought for the last 6 years I was doing 'just fine' but had noticed that I started to have little interest in any aspect of life. I didnt have any form of 'happiness' inside me and it started to take its toll on my relationship too, which isn't fair. I had a bit of a meltdown a few weeks ago and decided it was time to try and sort my mind out and seek some help. I went to my doctor and explained I was questioning if I was going through a bit of a depression - something I had never wanted to fall into! Why? I don't really know but I guess it's because I feel like everyone around me is doing okay. No one seems to miss her like I do, or if they do they don't show it, or ever talk about it!
I was given anti depressants and was determined to try and get my life back on track.
I really struggle at this time of year - so many memories of my mums final month, along with my birthday without her and other things that remind me of the horrible time 6 years ago. I want to feel myself again, and I worry I'll never get there. But I don't know I'm suffering from depression or this is just me now. Am I changed because I have to live without her? Will I ever be happy again? Or feel like a 'normal' person?
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Mcbride2
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Hello. I'm sorry to hear this. I lost my partner 16 days ago to cancer. I wonder if you have delayed grief which could also manifest as depression? Try and Google that. Pm me abtime.
Grief is one the most difficult emotions human face. It's difficult to see past the loss of the person but we have to. Remember, it's the circle of life - we cannot have new growth until the old passes away. Sorry if that is a crass way of putting it.
I hope that you do not feel any guilt about the passing 6 years ago as it sounds like you were close to your mum and would have supported her with everything that you could offer. Even, if you did not, it is now in the past and you cannot beat yourself up about it.
The best thing you can do is renew your appreciation of the current people in your life and do right by them.
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my father when I was 17 to liver cirrhosis. Yes, you are changed because you have to live without her. There is a maturity that is developed when we lose someone we love and often people your age don't have that same maturity because they've never experienced a tremendous loss before. But, this doesn't mean you've changed in a bad way. Maturity is a great thing; because you've experienced loss, you now know what is most important in life like family and friends rather than what a lot of people chase these days.
You will be happy again. I agree that this may be a delayed reaction. You will feel "normal" again, but for right now, allow yourself to grieve when you need to and rejoice when you need to. What might help on birthdays is to get yourself a little something that would be very typical of your mother to get you. I know my mother always gets me a piece of jewelry on my birthday (something inexpensive). So, when she passes, I plan on doing the same thing for myself so that I can feel that she is near me and celebrating with me.
I hope this helps. You're on the right track by reaching out for help. Keep it up!
I'm glad it helped. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my grandfather, who was like a second father figure to me, last year and I'm having a bit of delayed grief right now. PM me if you ever need to chat.
Thank you so much EdanaBrietta, it really helped me feel like I was taking a small step in the right direction. Grief and depression are scary and having never really faced the fact before I definitely think it's made it harder. Message me anytime, nice to talk!x
I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this, I don't have specific experience with grief/loss BUT you can message me anytime even if you just want a chat so you don't feel alone and have someone to support you, I'm the same age as you and suffering with depression, just moved in with my grandparents and trying to start all over xx
You obviously loved your mum very much and I have no doubt that she loved you. Try a small exercise, sit down and write a letter to her. Tell her that you miss her, and write down all those things that were in your mind but perhaps you never experienced the right time or the right words to actually tell her before she died. Then tell her how you are struggling now and, if you can, tell her why you feel so down. Ask her for advice and then say a goodbye . Seal the letter in an envelope and leave it 'behind the clock' for a couple of days. Then, one morning sit down, open the envelop and read the letter. Now ... take a blank sheet of writing paper and write the reply that you think your mother might send to you. And listen to what she says. Sincerely .....
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