Hello once again, it's me, the little one.

I was thinking, i've hurt myself before.

But i have stop 1 months ago.... But now i'm in other stuff.. Like taking pills to fly.

I know, this is bad but this is the only way for me to feel "Alive", i'm not afraid of death so.. i don't really care about that.

I haven't take yesterday.. Maybe because i was here talking with some of you..

Can you help me..? I'm losing myself once again..

38 Replies

  • Hi

    Im sorry you feel bad. My advice, Achieve NOTHING, do NOTHNG, expect NOTHING from yourself and let yourself OFF.

    You can afford a day or two out of your life, just to say you know what Im going to LET MYSELF OFF.

    Today, Im going to eat what I like, listen to music, read, draw, have a long bath, anything I bloody like, eat ice cream all day. Im going to give my brain a rest from the endless looping and DO NOTHNG!

    Take the pressure off!

    Once you back off for a while you will be able to feel calmer and think clearly, feel better and move forward, right now you need to be really kind to yourself and let go.

    Nothing will happen, you have a roof over your head, food in your mouth and clothing....just rest. You must be exhausted...chill out and I won't tell anyone if you don't :-)

    Its all going to be okay, even though you don't feel that now, have faith and rest, rest rest. Be your own bestfriend and do what makes you feel a little better, no more worrying for today, tomorrow and the next day.... you are on HOLIDAY, you've earnt it.

    It will all be OKAY, you will get through this, you're a power house inside even if you dont feel it now.

    Just move moment to moment trying to feel a bit better, then hour on hour, day by day, slow is the new fast. I have faith in you.

    Big Hug and a Kiss


  • Caroline is right.

    And, given your young age, you have to allow others to help you.

    I don't know in which country you are, but there must be a helpline you can call for really tough times. You are clever and good with the Internet. Google those numbers up and make a call. Good luck. X

  • Wait a minute!

    SLSL can I have that in writing!!! Can you print that out that first comment, so I can show it to my Mum and my Partner..... :-)

    Big Kiss xx

  • Hey SlSl,

    I will try to call them tomorrow.. But idk is the call really anonyme ?

    My parents CANT know about that...

    -another young girl xx

  • I wonder is that why you prefer to remain anonymous here, in case your parents find out how you are feeling? I wonder what would happen if they knew? xx

  • No..

    I don't even know.. Maybe because I'm afraid of the people opinion?

    They will be really mad at me, and they will took all the things that I loved (like this website) out of my life..

  • Thank you for the reply..

    To be honest I can't take some rest, my parents are always searching for argue with me or if this is not my parents this is my "friends" or other memebers of my family, I have to help a lot of people, as always and I can't help myself..

    But I will enjoy to do that..

  • Hi

    This is your life not theirs, I help my family but sometimes you have to say NO and runaway :-)

    Go to the library and read, go to the park, get out of the house and away from them for a few hours until you can breathe.

    Or and this is a big one, wait long enough and you will get so pissed off, you will end up telling them what you think!

    I was raised on guilt, it's a hard one to stop but you need to try and ease away from doing things because you feel guilty! Poor you.

    I don't know how young you are but things will get better and as you get older you will have more say over your life, more choices you can make.

    Hang in there, put your headphones on loud so you can hear them and try and get some space.


  • This is what I'm doing now, what I'm always doing.

    Puttin my headphones on and forgetting the world.. But most of the time I always feel bad as f....k.

    This is really hard for me living like that bc I'm young and no one take me too seriously when I talk about my sadness or/and about my depression..

    My mother laugh of me bc I haven't friends, but she doesn't no my history, she thinks I'm a little happy girl, but no mom, I'm freaking depressed...

    Anyway. Taking time for me is really hard..

  • Shutting off is sometimes the only option in order to get away from people who are constantly getting at you - the danger is you also run the risk of getting away from yourself and thereby losing yourself.

    It must be really hard that no-one takes you seriously when you speak about sadness or depression. Is there a professional you can get to speak to, maybe your doctor could refer you to a counsellor - it depends which country you live in. If you are in the UK then you can be referred - without your parents knowing - unless you are VERY young.

  • Yes.. It's hard..

    No, my doctor have told to my parents about that and they was so freaking mad at me and they was saying that I was lying...

  • Hi another girl sorry to read how you're feeling. I think Caroline's reply/advice is excellent. It's so good to chat with others who know exactly how you're feeling. I've turned to alcohol to much in the past to help me through horrible times. So many of us I know feel for you. Please as Caroline says be kind to your self. No one has a magic wand to make any of us feel instantly better but hour by hour we can move forward. Two steps forward one step back. Don't know if you remember the fable of the mouse that roared. He was a little one but he fought back. Take care little one, hugs Sam xx

  • Hey Sam!

    Yes, but this is like I don't deserve to be kind with myself, I just deserve all of this..

    I feel good when I talk with people with you, I feel really alone..

    Thanks for having replied.

    The little one :)

  • Talk any time little one as there will be I'm sure someone on line who will chat. And you do deserve kindness so there! Hugs xx

  • Thank you Sam!

    But who?

  • Me for one! Lol xx

  • Oh thank you sam!

    Can we talk? I guess I want to know more about you!

    How are you feeling today?

    Is it a good day or a bad day?

    -the little one xx

  • Hi Little one. Of course we can talk just came back from doing a few odd jobs. Just about to write a birthday card,new home card and baby grand daughter card then will post them. I am I guess a fairly normal (apart from the anxiety) middle aged woman. I have two grown children in there twenties. I'm not to bad today but guess the anxiety will almost always be there. Wouldn't say its a good day as my partner(lovely man) has depression at the moment. How are you lovely one? Sam

  • Ow that's such a long day for you no?

    I'm sorry for listening that.. I hope everything will be better soon for you two..

    Anxiety sucks.. I have it too..

    I feel angry and lonely.. But that's okay I guess..


  • To feel angry and alone little one is not nice,well in fact pretty awful. I know when I felt like that my drinking was at its worse. The drink(wine in my case,sometimes spirits,never did drugs) rid me of the anger for a while,but then it comes back worse. I only realised what it was doing to me when the doctor told that my liver stats were raised and that was why I was feeling so ill. Have you chatted to your doctor about how you're feeling? I did. I've been on antidepressants for a while now and they have made a difference. I know I need to go out and post my cards but don't want to,would rather stay in and hide! Sam xx

  • Hey Sam!

    Oh.. I talk to her but She's a bi..h...

    She told everything to my parents..

  • Sorry to hear that little one. Having trust in your doctor a very important thing. Is there another doctor you can see at your surgery? Off to post my letters now,deep breath. Sam xx

  • Hey, hang on a minute! Who says you don't deserve to be kind with yourself?! I think that is something you are saying to yourself - of course you deserve care, everyone deserves that!

  • I don't know...

  • If I could leave my bed I'd print it out for you :-)

  • I know I'll send you their phone numbers and you can call

    'Caroline's right'....Worlds gone mad, they'll never believe you....haha

    Actually when I say that stuff, 'let go, be your own bestfriend ' etc, it's what I do and it works for me, when Im able :-)

    I'd just like everyone to be happy, cuts me to the quick people are unhappy it's not how I believe life should be.

    Not at all sure about you saying you can't get out of bed SLSL bit worrying. I really hope it isn\t because you're too poorly! Im still new here so excuse me, you may need some patience.


  • I'm hiding in bed.

    I'm new here too x

  • Oh SLSL,

    By the way, I liked our conversation of yesterday, can we talk again today?

    How are you feeling?

    Have you eat something?


    -the little one

  • Hi,

    Sorry - I haven't read your posts before, not been in the mood, but now I HAVE read this post and feel - Oh no, how sad! I know the feeling of wanting to feel alive because I used to feel like that - but potentially harming yourself is sad. You may not care about your life, or death, but I do and so will others on the site.

    Losing yourself feels horrible, I know that feeling too, used to feel it regularly. One way I used to deal with the feeling was to write - about myself, my story. Then when I felt like I was losing myself I would read and re-read the story. I found that made me FEEL worse - but I WAS FEELING and therefore felt alive. I think that's why you didn't need to take pills yesterday, when you were talking to people here, because you were able to stay connected to yourself as a result of feeling connected to others. We all need connections, otherwise it is all too easy to drop into an empty void inside.

    What shall I call you? You don't give a name, maybe you prefer that?


  • Hello sue!

    Do you really think that or are you saying that because this is what people have to say?

    Maybe you're right, I didn't needed to take pills yesterday.. Maybe tonight? I hope no...

    I was writing about my story but I don't like complain about myself so I have stoped...

    Yes I have a name, you want to know it?

    -the young girl xx

  • Of course I really think what I wrote!! Though I'm not sure which bit you wondered whether I meant...

    I don't need to know your name - I'm just fascinated by your username - the young one - who, by the way, has just become the young girl...


  • If you think what you've wrote, i guess i can believe you.

    Oh, my name.. I always change, this is like an signature you know what i mean ?

    Like a mark.

    -Me again, the young one ;) xx

  • You sound like you don't feel it is safe to show any of your true feelings which is sad for you and also from looking at things like your avatar and other things you have written on your profile you sound like you may be severely distressed though some of the things you have said appear to contradict this; so maybe there are times of the day when you feel more distressed than others?

    I can assure you that the people who are answered I don't know them all personally but i have corresponded with most of them on here and I have found them to be safe.

    When did all this start and how long has it been going on and do you have any idea what has caused you to feel like this?

    Sorry for all the questions.

    As Sue says if you are in the UK you can go see your GP without your parents knowing. But i am not sure which country you are in as could it be US? It sounds like you are angry that your parents know about you going to the doctor. Has something bad happened with your parents to make you not trust them or is it just that you feel they don't understand you? Did something bad happen to you that they don't believe you about ? Would there be any good in trying to tell them how you feel?

    I am concerned about you. On a scale of 1 to 100% how bad are you feeling at the moment ? If it is more than 80% I would suggest you seek urgent medical/psychiatric help. The numbers are confidential but some agencies will interfere if you are seriously suicidal; this does not normally include if you are self harming as a coping mechanism but you may want to check this out to make sure that I have not inadvertently misled you.

    Gemmalouise X

    PS Bit about me. I'm 56. Gemmalouise not my real name but the one I use on here. It isn't always advisable to use a real name on the internet though some do on here but there is no need. Sending you warm wishes.

  • Hey you!

    It depends of a lot of things...

    I don't know how to explain to you...

    Yes I know...

    They just doesn't care bout me, my two little sisters are sick so they haven't enough time for me. We are always in argue and yeah.. I don't hate them.. But now this is more anger than love..

    And no I'm from France.

    More than 80%... I'm always feeling really bad. Never if I have a good day, I feel insecure and sad.

    Oh thanks for talking with me and saying me some stuffs about your life, I really appreciate!

    -another sad young girl xx

  • Oh this is very sad that you feel so bad but I am glad it is helping to talk on here. So you are from France?

    I do speak some French but not great at writing it so best stick with English language. Are you using a translator or writing it yourself? If you are writing it yourself you are a pretty talented young lady.

    Please keep communicating. We are not all on here all the time (obviously I guess!) but we check in from time to time during the day usually so will see your messages.

    Take care for now,

    Gemma X

  • Hey gemma!

    Yes.. I'm feeling very bad at the moment.. Maybe Because i'm home...

    Oh! I don't use translator I really enjoy the English language (I know, my English isn't perfect but yeah.. Ahah)

    Thank you!

    Yes, I'm here too now! And I'm really glad and thankful to every one of you for reading and answering me!

    You are like my friends now, even if we don't really know each other's..

    This is a big and beautiful community here and I'm really happy to be a part of it!

    Hope you are ok!

    -the young one xx


    Use this link little one

  • Thank you!

    I will try to call an association tomorrow ok? Or maybe if I'm to afraid I will send a e-mail of this English association! I will find a way!

    Thank you sooooooo much !

    -myself xx

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