CHEATER

I found out yesterday that my husband has been seeing another  woman. A younger woman whom he meant in a bar. I was completely stunned, I had no idea. I can't tell you how humiliated I am and sick at heart. I feel like I should be doing something but no idea what that would be.He has not been a very nice husband, a bit of a jerk if you recall my other post. Now I am concerned with my health and my security. I have a huge feeling of betrayal . I would be so thankful for your advice and support. VM

[Photogeek]

Hi there Vintage Me and I'm really sorry that you are feeling so betrayed. I'm not sure what to say, but firstly safeguard your own stability and security and finances. Do you depend n him financially? Do nothing for the moment and just be really kind to yourself at this awful time and talk to friends and family.

You could ask him to go to Counselling for couples if you are both interested In staying in the marriage. Men can be taken in at this age by flattery from a younger woman and it's a tempirarily boost for his ego, but you know Vintage Me these flings or whatever you care to call them don't last.

There are two schools one would end the marriage and tell him to leave and be with this woman, and that's all very fine in theory as you will have to decide what's best for you, if you forgive him he will have to make amends to you for the hurt and pain.

Please dont blame yourself as it shows he fell victim to probably being flattered whereas if that woman had to live with him. She might dump him quickly. 

In case anyone thinks I am anti men, I am not as I realise women have affairs and betray their partners too. Men usually do it for sexual reasons whereas women would do it more for emotional needs.

Please look after yourself and let us know how you are.

Warm hug to you.

Hannah xx

[Hidden]

Hello Vm

Sorry you are feeling so lost and betrayed.

You need to initially consider your options in the cold light of day. If you are talking to your Husband you need to find out if there is any hope for a return home and an ending to His problematic relation ship and if a course managed by Relate or Church may help you both to come to terms regarding your Husbands unfaithfulness.

Of course you may want to start an action for Separation and ending t this is thhe marriage. If this is the case you will need a Solicitor.

If you need CBT see your GP or CPN

Good luck with what you decide. We are always here for you

BOB

[21esme]

I'm sorry and would point you too Hannah's advice. I can't suggest anything more. I just wanted to send you some support and I know you feel betrayed. I've been there with a partner but not with a husband. I've never married myself.  

Anyway focus on your health and security. I know it will be hard to focus but do try, 

Sarah 

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Thank you to each one of you who replied. Those little kindnesses mean so much.

[Lisahelen]

One thing you must never try to do is blame yourself for him doing this because that can be so destructive. I live with a cheater and am in a position whereby i cant exit the marriage. I would suggest you think long and hard as to where YOU want to go from here. I was told long ago by someone that 'once a cheater, always a cheater' and from personal experience and from people i have known, that that often is more true than you know.

[denvajade]

Hi there Vintage me, it is a very sad time for you and will be for a long time no matter which way you go! I agree that some are " once a cheater always a cheater" but that may not be the case with your husband, if he lays any blame with you I think it shows he is not very remorseful and you will spend the rest of your marriage wondering where he is and who he is with. You may decide at this time of life it will be to hard to start out on your own again and don't feel bad about that. You know your husband and what he is really like so give I lots of consideration. Take care

[mysmugcat]

My heart sank when I read this I am so sorry for you. I hope that cliché as it is in time things will sort themselves out. Please take care of yourself and surround yourself with helpful kind people. We are also here

[mysmugcat in reply to mysmugcat]

How are you feeling?

[Findingme]

I feel for you as I have been through this too. I would urge caution though in sharing too much with friends and family at this point. Often people can encourage you to react in ways which you might regret later. Some people just love a drama and may fan the flames. Some may take your side against your husband which can be uncomfortable if you were later to decide to get back together. It might be better to seek counseling, or keep the news to a few trusted friends and ask them just to be there for you whilst you decide what is best to do.

The usual advice applies too, which is to eat well, sleep as much as you can (I know this may be the hardest thing), pamper yourself, and try not to over dramatise things. As hard as this will seem, you will get through it, and could well come out a stronger person.

Sending positive thoughts,

xx