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We All Need a Special Friend

Time4Grace profile image

Christmas greetings from Indiana!

Tonight starts the major feelings of loneliness. I see houses sparkling with Christmas lights, Christmas music, people baking in preparation, family members traveling, advertisements for gifts. The list goes on. Don' get me wrong. I love the celebration of Jesus's birth, just not alone.

I'm alone a lot. It's just my husband and myself right now, but with the trouble we're having sometimes I wish he wasn't here. No Christmas celebration this year for us. No tree, no decorations, no treats, no gifts. Our children are also not able to be with us. I don't think my husband will even attend the Christmas Eve service with me. This is the worst Christmas ever. I am so sad. Oh, and my son passed away two years ago. I wish I had a friend. Hence the reason I joined this group. I wish I had some words of encouragement for others, but at the moment, I have none. I do have a dog that has been a wonderful companion to me this past year. He's a Rough Collie and turned one on December 16th. I purchased Laddie because of my loneliness, but it's just another reason my husband is bitter towards me. He didnt want him. Laddie is a truly devoted companion to me and I love him with all my heart.

Yesterday I called about counseling for us. I am praying my husband sees and begins to understand my weaknesses and will begin to be more of a help to me rather than being resentful that I haven't been able to work. I am a Christian and have always believed He has a wonderful plan for each one of us. But, lately I'm beginning to to feel like He has forgotten about me. I don't understand and need some guidance.

Thank you for reading my post, and wish you a Merry Christmas.


33 Replies

Wish u a happy Merry Christmas Carol!

Time4Grace profile image
Time4Grace in reply to Moka21

Thank you Moka!

Hello neighbor, I'm right over here in Michigan. Not so very far away. I share some of your feelings about the Holidays. We have lost the true meaning of why we celebrate the birth of Jesus so it shouldn't be a surprise that we find the celebrations empty. I'm not saying we should give up the parties and the gifts , but that we keep our Lord at the fore front of our minds. Not everyone on site is Christian so I recommend you keep your own higher power in your heart at this time. Iam wondering why your children aren't with you? Is it your illness that's causing you so many problems ? I have to say your husband sounds hostile and angry.Is there something else going on? The loss of a child is devastating and many couples have trouble getting through it. I am so sorry about your son. God does have a plan ,but it may be years before you know it. Faith is hard to keep sometimes, I work on it all the time.Please keep in touch. I will pray for you. Pam

Hello Pam, yes it seems we are neighbors. In fact, Laddie came from Michigan. Lovely state. Jesus is the reason for the season so I do keep Him close in my heart, but since it is His birth we are celebrating I will never keep that hidden in there. If a non-Christian doesn't like what I say they can move on. I believe there are two sides to that coin. If I listen to them, they can listen to me.

My children aren't with me because after my divorce I moved to Indiana and my adult son stayed in MN. Time and cost is preventing him from traveling this year. My adult daughter moved down here shortly after I did, but doesn't live close enough for me to see her very often. She can't find the time to come up this way, and I won't drive on the freeway. Also, her father flew down to spend Christmas with her. Life can get so complicated.

You are right about my husband. His hostility is stemming from my inability to work. He wants me to get a job. I'll get into more detail on that on another post.

Thank you for your kind reply. It really feels good to have someone to talk to.

Blessings, Carol

Thank you for your post and its transparency. I can assure you with confidence that God has not forgotten you. In fact, with your own declaration of being a Christian, I know Him to be living within you heart in this difficult moments. He is true to His Word, Carol, never to leave us or forsake us.

Even when we don't understand what or why we are going through something, it is a powerful thing to praise Him for what we do have - His presence and strength, His grace and mercy. He is true to His Word and He has promised never to leave us or forsake us.

I am deeply sorry to hear that you lost your son two years ago. No parent ever comprehends how something so tragic can happen.

I will keep you in my thoughts and more importantly my prayers over this season.

I feel much the same way about the holidays this year which is strange because I too love the season. But I found a unique way to help myself and it has helped me to focus not so much on what I don't have but on how I can help others in need.

Thank you PNIauthor. Your kind words are very much appreciated. A thoughtful message as yours gives hope and understanding during this lonely time.

Blessings, Carol

I praise God that my kind words were received as hope.

I am sorry you are feeling so alone this Christmas. Could it be your husband feels alone too ?

A practical suggestion is for you to volunteer. Homeless shelter ? Old people's Christmas lunch ? There are always places that can use a helping hand.

I hope things improve for you


Time4Grace profile image
Time4Grace in reply to deejames

Thank you Dee, no I Don't think he feels alone. He has many friends. You have given some great suggestions, but with this anxiety I have, it makes it near impossible for me to step out of my comfort zone. I'm working on it though. Best wishes, Carol

I love Indiana. My cousins were born there. I celebrated my 6th birthday there. I have a picture of me in front of a cake. One of my cousins still lives there. His dad, son and grandson. My aunt and his brother live in VA near me. Small world.

I felt like I was almost reading my story when reading yours. I have not lost my son and I can’t imagine what that must be like. I’m so sorry for your loss! Bless you!

When my husbands son and my son left the nest the empty nest syndrome was real. At least for me. My husband seemed to like it. We just totally grew apart. He drinks too much and I sit home alone. We live as roommates at best. He wouldn’t even go to thanksgiving dinner with me. He is a believer but won’t go to church with me either. I think he feels condemned but he tries to justify the drinking. I gave my all to our boys and never made a life for myself. Then they were gone. Physically. My husband has a lot of drinking and work buddies and is gone a few nights a week. I have my sweet 14 year old dachshund Tater Tot. She was diagnosed with CHF though. That’s killing me. My husband says he wants to make it work but actions speak louder than words. We rode in the same car twice last year. He resents me for wanting him to be with me. For being sad. For being lonely. Etc. I totally get where you are coming from. I hate hearing about someone else going through this because it is so personal to me and so painful. I’m so sorry! You have a friend in Virginia if you want one. I’m here anytime. God bless you and have a very merry Christmas and a blessed New Year. I hope everything works out for you!

We have no tre, no dinner, no gifts nothing. I might go get something for my grandson tomorrow but that’s about it. He is 7. The boys will get cash if anything. I’m on strike for Christmas. I’m not doing it alone. My dad died on Christmas Day so I’m not excited anyway. I worship Jesus and celebrate his birth but not much else.

Hi Hopeful-Tinkerbell! Sounds like we are birds of feather. I know exactly the feeling of not wanting to do it alone. And, losing your father on that day does take the joy out of the celebration part. Jesus is the reason for the season like they say, so I try to stay focused on that.

That’s what gets me through. I tell myself God chose a special day for my daddy because he was so special! Merry Christmas!

That's Lovely! 🕯🕯🎶🎶

I'm always here if you need me❤

Hello from my hobbit hole. I have been excavating various tunnels since December. For hiding purposes. I never resurface until well after new year. Every year I wonder how I will put one step in front of the other, though the expectation of Christmas. But. Somehow I am still here.

I am truely sorry about your son. I too lost a son. He Just made it to his eighth birthday. His last Christmas with us was harrowing. As we were lucky to have it. But knew there would not be another.

I think you can be lonely in the middle of a crowd. No one walks in another's shoes.

Re counselling.mIt's a rare man that talks his way through. Or even wants to. But that doesn't mean no care. Emotional literacy isn't usually in thier tool box. But a large hammer maybe. For hammering things on the head. And into oblivion. We walk our own path alongside those we have lost. And those left beside us. No right way no wrong way.

I personally think life is the luck of the draw. And as a mate on the cancer ward once quipped. These kids have been dealt a crap hand.

I wish you energy and luck in navigating your way toward many friends.

In the end nothing is worth one jot except

Love given


Love received

May your god walk with you.

Time4Grace profile image
Time4Grace in reply to nedd

Hello Need! You too have lost a child. I am so sorry. Parents arent suppose to outlive their children. That just doesn't seem the natural path we are suppose to take. But, alas no one is immune to death. I have finally reached the shores of acceptance. I Don't like it, but I accept it. I have found I can smile again. I never thought I would. Life was never suppose to be perfect and easy.

Great insight from the perspective of a man. An interesting way to look at it.

Thank you for your friendship.

Love, Carol

I'm sorry NEDD, my spell check spelled your name wrong. I get so frustrated with that. Best wishes, Carol

Loneliness within marriage is worse than straightforward loneliness. God is with you. And so are we. Keep strong. Keep the faith. Lots of love.

PS. Love border collies. Great friendly dogs.

Time4Grace profile image
Time4Grace in reply to Blueshirt

Hi Blueshirt! Thank you for your kind reply. You're so right about the lonely feeling in marriage. It's just so wrong when the reason we get married is to not be alone. Oh I hope the counseling does some good. My hubby and I use to have so much fun together. That has disappeared. Best wishes to you and your family.

Blueshirt profile image
Blueshirt in reply to Time4Grace

Many thanks. I pray you and your husband rekindle the love of yesteryear and that this Christmas will be the start of a deeper fulfilling happiness for you both. Fond wishes. Merry Christmas

Christmas greetings from (not New) England.

Sorry to hear that you are feeling alone when there is someone there - at least there some of the time.

I hope that there can be counselling for you as a couple and that it works out and that you are able to understand each other better and move to renewed friendship together.

With very best wishes for you and all your family.

Time4Grace profile image
Time4Grace in reply to Knotty

Hi Knotty! Thank you for your reply, it means alot to me you cared to respond. I hope you're having a Happy Christmas across the pond, and please feel free to chat anytime. Best wishes for you and your family as well.

Hi dear! I am praying for you.... it's really not easy during the holidays.... I am thankful for my 16 month old Samoyed Mochi too!! My hubby had cancer 14 months ago, and is now in remission after chemo and radiation. He got laid off 3 months ago and got an offer...6.5 hrs away in Boston. So this year has been super disorienting since he began working there and I'm a single mom of 2 teenagers in PA. Our families are all in CA, and we moved to the northeast in 2014, so we are leaning on the Lord as well. Hugs and will pray for you and your husband!

You are not alone. We need to keep remembering that our Heavenly father loves us, is our Shepherd, and never leaves or forsakes us 😇💚💙💜💛💖

Time4Grace profile image
Time4Grace in reply to sophgirl

Hi Sophgirl! Thank you for your lovely reply. I'm sorry about your husband having to tread the waters of cancer, but so glad to hear he is now in remission. I try to remember God is always in control and knows just the right time for calling each one of us Home. I grew up in MN, now living in Indiana while my sister and her family live in California. She has been there ever since she graduated high school. I've missed out on sharing our lives together. We have grown apart. We still love each other, but rarely talk. I hope you are enjoying your Christmas. I will pray for you and your husband as well. Hugs to you too! 💙💙💙💖💖💖

I love this post. I understand and can relate. I wish i wasn't alone. It's really jacked up.

Dear Carol, I do not know you but I can feel your sadness. I can only say I am thinking of you and saying a prayer for you. Jesus is your best friend and he will never leave you. Just remember that.

Love Marguerite9 xx

My Dear Marguerite, your thoughts are very much appreciated. Thank you so much.

Love, Carol xx

Sending you positive wishes this time of year. Iam sorry for your loss and the situation you are in justnow I'm in a similar position with regards to Christmas. I have no one either and I believe God does have plans for me but I must be available for him cuz I dont think he's gony just sprinkle me with tons of fortune if I sit in my misery. I'm gony start with gratitude cuz sometimes I forget what God gave me. I pray that I'm guided properly. I have another illness justnow and once I get it treated I'm wiping the slate clean with my family because they do me no good. I don't have tree or presents either. True Christmas for me is to be reborn into better circumstance so I must try and change my way of thinking. I'm accepting my circumstances and going to accept help. Remember u are a wonderful person and u have came through alot. Cuddle yourself, actual imagine it cuz the more u do the better we feel. We don't always need another human to do it. God gave us everything we need. Keep telling yourself your worth it and look in mirror and mean it. Nothing stays the same. Every second there is a chance to think different, from a different angle. I really am wishing u great things cuz that's what we r made for😊

Time4Grace profile image
Time4Grace in reply to Cara78

Hi Cara! Wow! You have an awesome way for looking at situations and turning them into something good. Very positive and encouraging! Thank you for that. I do hope you feel better soon. Are you in the US? I am hoping to find a support group in my area for anxiety. I looked online but couldn't find any. It would be so nice to chat with others that are plagued with similar issues. I find it hard to make friends in this area. Everyone is so busy nowadays, very few want to put a friend at the top of their priority list. Best wishes for a pleasant Christmas Day.

Cara78 profile image
Cara78 in reply to Time4Grace

Awww Thank you!😊it looks like we r helping each other and I think it's a great start to spending Christmas day pleasantly! I'm in the Uk, the rain is battering down n I'm snuggled up in bed watching Netflix, it's 2am. I'm addicted lol.

Stay strong my dear. I hope things get better. I know how hard it can be during the holidays. May god give you strength to find some peace and happiness in it. Best wishes always 🎄

Thank you quieturban! Tonight I really appreciate you reaching out to me. It means a lot. I'd like to send some of those good feelings back to you so we can both find a smile or two on this Christmas Eve. 🕯

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