You have me

[aj36]

I can't find anything to love about myself. The people whom I love can't find anything about me to love too. I love my parents, but all they do is criticise me. Everything I do, think and feel is bad and wrong. I love my brother, but he only cares about himself and his fiancé. I love my ex, but he loves someone else now. I let my ex become my entire world and have no friends left.

All these factors make me hate myself even more and every day I ask myself why I'm still here.

All I want is for someone to love me for me. It's really lonely being me.

At the same time though, I'm very tired of going through the ritual of opening myself up, meeting new people, building relationships.

I'm not sure if there are others who feel the way I do, and if there are, I just want to let you know that I get you, how tired you must be, and I love you.

[Scanu07]

Hey aj 36 i can totally relate to what you are saying. I have been on my own for most of my life except for having my beautiful children. I find having relationships very difficult and i guess in a way i have subconsciously built a wall up to stop people getting in. I do believe that we need to love ourselves in order to let people love us and that is the part i struggle with. But i take life day by day and if that special person is out there for me it will happen

[aj36 in reply to Scanu07]

Hi Scanu07, I'm not sure if I too have built a wall around my heart, but I know I'm tired of sharing my life story with someone new. I feel like the older I get the more I have to share when all I want is to jump ahead and get to the point where I can be physically and mentally there for someone who would do the same for me. Not the fireworks kinda love, but the quiet assurance of being there rain or shine. In other words, I want the prize without doing the work. Yes, impossible I know.

I'm sure there's much to love about you and someone who will come along to break through that wall of yours and that's when you know he's the one just for you {{hugs}}

[Scanu07 in reply to aj36]

Thank you I too feel like you about sharing things getting closer but to realize that it is not ment to be and is more time wasted. Maybe we could start a dating club on here lol...at least we would know what to expect! Hopefully the right person will come a long for the both of us..

[aj36 in reply to Scanu07]

Haha, not sure if most members of this community would like that though, but yes, it's nice to already know what to expect cheers

[secondhandrose2]

Hi

I feel really sad about what you have written. Having critical parents is very harmful as everyone needs parents who are loving and supportive, who value who we are and know that even when we do things they do not agree with that does not make us a bad person. It seems your parents do not realise that, probably they too had critical parents.

The first thing you have to realise in order to overcome the effects of your past is that you are not a bad person, you have taken in that view of yourself because of all the criticism you experience, but way you see yourself is not who you are, it is who you feel others see you as being.

Having such critical parents and so feeling unloved has left you feeling intensely needy of love and that makes it difficult for you and for those you form relationships with. I notice you say at the end of your post that you understand people who feel the way you do and love them, but that view of love is the way a child experiences the world - I do not mean that critically but you do not know any of us so cannot love us. I guess what you mean is that you feel compassion, care and empathy for people who experience the world the way you do, and that is a caring mature way to feel towards others. You need to learn to feel similarly towards yourself. It is difficult to learn to behave caringly towards ourselves when we have not felt cared about by others, when we have not felt loved. I had a similar childhood and am a pensioner but still feel exhausted trying to give myself the care I needed despite finding others care about me.

I can't offer you any advice but only say that life is hard for most people and harder still for those of us who are unable to love ourselves.

Suex

[aj36 in reply to secondhandrose2]

Hi Suex, yes, having critical parents have indeed left me feeling very unloved and constantly wanting to hold a special place in someone's heart. It has make it very difficult for me to form healthy relationships and even friendships. In fact, none of my relationships manage to last more than four years. I seek my worth through them and when things don't not work out, they reinforce my belief that I am simply unlovable and not worthy of love.

The "I love you" is meant to be like a form of virtual hug - simple words of comfort to those who simply need a hug but are physically all alone and feel lonely - yes, not unlike a child who needs hugs and kisses after a wretched day. It's what I need too..

[aj36 in reply to aj36]

Typo *should be when things don't work out.

[secondhandrose2 in reply to aj36]

If you have not already done so then it would make sense to ask to be referred for counselling or better still psychotherapy. If you can afford to go privately that would be even better as that would not mean a waiting list and you can have as long a period of therapy as you wish. Although therapy may not solve your dilemma it will make it a lot easier for yo to cope and to form relationships that last.

Suex

[aj36 in reply to secondhandrose2]

Thanks for the advice, am currently on meds but took myself off therapy as the therapists made me feel like I was just another task for them to cross off aka doing their job and I couldn't feel the connection to feel comfortable enough to open. Have tried several therapists but all gave me that same impersonal feeling. I know there needs to be a professional distance between us but if they're going to distant themselves till the patient doesn't feel comfortable enough to open up then I think the therapists aren't a good fit for me and I'd rather not waste the time to see them.

[Luewil]

I know how you feel feel and feel the same way however I love your honesty and I love how it shows you want to get past it and I love you too xxxx

[aj36]

Hey Luewil, just read your post from 3 days back. Know that you are not alone ok? You go through this by taking one baby step at a time. First, to stop feeling as terrible as you do now, go take the meds. That's what I'm doing even when I don't feel like it. I do it because I think not taking meds will make me feel worse and I don't want that. {{{bighugs}}}

[DaDaveHU]

I love you.

I love most people who hurt like me.

So, I love you.

[aj36 in reply to DaDaveHU]

We need to stick together y'know? So that we remember we are not alone, esp in our darkest moments. I love you and {{{hugs}}}

[clare86]

I constantly feel like this. I have no friends, no boyfriend and very little family. I find myself on my own 90% of the time. I am in a dark hole and struggling to get out. I am tired of fighting and wish the suffering would end.

[DaDaveHU]

I love you too. I give you hugs if you want them.

[Dreamer366]

You are not alone AJ. Many of us feel this way. And we all care.

I hope you find someone in your life who can ACTUALLY hug you and take this pain away. Sometimes love and support can come from the strangest of places and the most unlikely of times. This could be a new relationship, a friend or even a complete stranger. It is frightening starting again and reaching out and meeting and getting to know new people. But please try. Because hiding away, and living alone with your pain, is preventing you from moving forward and finding the love and acceptance that you clearly need and DESERVE.

Take care and stay in touch xx