suicidal

[jimmyriddle]

ive suffered from clinical depression for to many years to remember . I have sleep apnea . arthritis .diabetic type 2 , angina, heart disease , anemic , foot spurs and a degenerative bone at top of my neck , I went for a atos assessment on Tuesday and on Saturday declared fit . yes im fit for work .

I was receiving pip and lower rate of mobility . that stopped 28th oct . now what im 53 male I weigh in at 13 stone so im not obese or like to think im not . ive stopped wearing my apnea mask and not taking another pill .to be honest I just want to die either a heart attack or suicide strange im writing this down

not me to talk . I have had 2 years of mental health program and 6 months of a cbt program but hey im now fit as a fiddle . my wife is beside herself because I wont take the 42 pills a day ive had enough of morphine ,tramadol,diazapam,duloxapine,naproxen,metformin,iron tablets and solutions to help me to the toilet . im bleeding from my rear end and im fit for work oh good I will pop down the job centre and apply for what . my local mp says im not employable but the dwp say I am .. whats your thoughts .?

I phoned the samaratins .. going off my head with worry how to provide for my 11 year old kid ..

[Hidden]

Hi Jimmy you are going through such a terrible time no wonder you feel suicidal. This awful Govt. have a lot to answer for. No one has the right to tell you what to do with your own life but I will just say the following:

1. Your son needs his father. He would never recover if you killed yourself and would always feel guilty that he couldn't help you. He would be scarred for life - do you want that?

2. Your wife obviously loves you and doesn't want to lose you. Can you do this to her?

How would you feel in her position?

3. How about other loved ones? They too will always feel guilty...

4. You probably won't die straight away not taking your pills, but you will suffer quite a lot.

5. This is the depression talking and you know you can't trust depression thoughts as they warp your thinking. You need to rely on those who love you to help you as they are seeing things much more clearly and without the veil of depression.

6. Appeal as many appeals win, Get your doctors onside and fight for your rights. Please don't be another statistic and let those barstewards win.

7. You are not alone any more as you have us now. We all understand how you are feeling. There are others on here with multiple health conditions too. We care about you as a fellow sufferer. Stay with us and we will help and support you as much as we can.

Take your pills love and see how you feel in a week or so, you have received a hell of a shock and you might be feeling better about it in a little while. It's natural to feel down and very upset by what's happened. I have found with suidical thoughts that I make a decision every morning - today isn't going to be the day I do it. It does work.

I hope this has helped a bit Jimmy. Remember we are all with you.

Lots of hugs Bev xx

[jimmyriddle in reply to Hidden]

thanks bev . still not slept since Saturday . and my wife is watching me like a hawk . im waitin on a call from mp and dwp . if I was fit for work I would go as I worked for 25 years so im not work shy . im unfit due to all these horibal illnesses . and the prescription drugs I now think im addicted to them .

[Hidden in reply to jimmyriddle]

Of course you are not fit to work Jimmy - it's just this awful system. Anyone on benefits now is made to feel like a scrounger when mostly it's untrue. You have worked all your life so you deserve to get something back now you can't.

Don't give in please and put your appeal in. Take care Bev x

[Sandraan]

Jimmy your not alone that's exactly how I feel right now I'd rather not be here, there's noway out for us, when you feel as bad as we do, sorry to write to you like this but I wish I had the gutts to end it all I know what pain your going though I feel the same, but have to appeal against the money decision they do this to everybody reject them ( honestly ) it to see if you do appeal, if you do appeal you ll get it back again, you will get it you have to appeal ( Jimmy I don't know one person who has past it without appealing since this government got in ) as if your not going though enough, I feel as bad as You I know the pain it's unbareable, hope to god your feeling better soon

[jimmyriddle in reply to Sandraan]

so do I .cos these feelings are not nice ..

[Sandraan]

Jimmy you start taking the meds you need them your going though More than enough and need them although like me you think there doing nothing they do help slightly, but please belive me when I say I feel and know your pain thats how I feel right now it's horrific, doesn't matter what anybody says, they can't stop the pain we are feeling, ( that's no disrespect to any one giving advice and help ). It's just to express the pains that bad at the time all you can think about its how to stop this pain,, I understand, I just wish to god there was a pill to stop all depression anxtiey

[jimmyriddle]

well wee update thanks to you guys . ive started back on medication + ? only 2 hours sleep since Saturday . long talk with dwp advisor and things a bit rosier so its gave me a push . but its still set me back years with the thoughts of suicide .going to see doctor tomorrow and may have to increase the duloxaphine to 90mg again see what happens . I will keep yous informed ok .not saying all perfect but just feeling bit better today

[trachet]

Hi, life sucks at times. I'm also a T2 diabetic. To start with we are easy targets of the media - 'the diabetic epidemic' etc. Every time they bring up funding for NHS T2's get it in the neck. This drip drip of being used as a bad example has got to me. Being ill is not a life choice. We can't shout at ourselves to make us better. It's just a pity the government and media doesn't realise this.

I am self-employed, one of those the government has got off their back. They don't have to pay us if we are ill and expect us to carry on or get society to view as lazy. Yesterday I went to the eye dept. at the hospital. Due to diabetic complications I have lost the sight in my right eye, it took just 7 months. They told me yesterday that they are now very concerned my left eye is going as well.

My business has suffered as I've had to take so much time off for treatment. There was a knock at the door last night and it was the bailiffs wanting £1500! They are coming back tomorrow and I have no money at all! I also have no-one to ask for help.

Talk about kicking you when you are down!

A few years ago I knew this lovely family, The parents had a gorgeous and sweet little girl. After the father got a new job he felt he couldn't cope and killed himself. The mother never remarried and the 5 year old girl had to grow up not really knowing her father. When I am feeling hopeless I think of all the children that I teach (Haven't got any 'darlings' of my own) It sounds trite but they keep me going. How would it affect them if they found out that I chose to end it all. Please consider your son. Try and remember the crazy things he has come out with or done.

Hopefully like my debts your depression and feelings won't overwhelm you. I'm planning to pay off a bit at a time. With depression I'm trying to find the little things that are amusing or pleasing. After all don't let the b*****s win!

[jimmyriddle]

see this bailiffs thing we don't have them in Scotland . not that I know of anyhow . im not long gone through bankruptcy as I liked to rack up credit card debt to feed my depression if you like it made me feel good about myself . anyhow just now im back on my medication and hope they keep working on me thanks for the support