Hello Weekend...

[Lush__x]

Ahhhhhh Fridayyyyy...

Felt a bit upset at work today....my friend who is also a senior was helping me with my work and our manager found out and was like if you cant get through your work you need to tell me in the morning.

felt embarrassed as it was said in front of everyone. She knows im struggling so why wouldnt i be still doing that report in the afternoon?!

it just got me proper down and fed up. ive been so stressed and feel like ive got nothing to show for it...as if im actually not doing work and shes going to say something to me at any min.

went off my weight watchers today....ate biscuits...alot of them

must try harder next week.

Thinking of getting a temp job for xmas for some extra cash...owe my mum, the bank and everyone from my year in london.

i also want a tattoo

so much to do but cant face it....bank stuff...i hate it, money stuff makes me anxious i dont no why!

bought some books about naricistic partners...ive got so many books i need to read...just to tired in the week.

sleepy, think ill go to bed!

night all xxx

[Hidden]

Night, sleep well! You are coping and managed to get away from your abusive boyfriend so give yourself a pat on the back instead of beating yourself up about things. Suexx

[Lush__x in reply to Hidden]

He wont leave me alone sue...just wont give up! Xxx

[Gambit62 in reply to Lush__x]

Sorry to hear that it must be really scary - have a friend who split with her boyfriend - don't think there was any abuse - but he just wouldn't leave her alone and she ended up moving to get away from it.

is there may be a group of people who have been through the same experience that you could join and may be have some ideas about how you could get out of it - or may be the police could help if there is a threat of violence.

[Lush__x in reply to Gambit62]

Hello oh hes not being scary or anything like that. I think hes slowly come to realise he made a huge mistake. Hes not saying anything about us being together again or anything like that...its more along the lines of he cant stand the thought of me hating him. Which I do! And no matter what I say to him he just carries on going on about stuff. Dont no what to do any more. I dont want to get sucked in again...xxx

[Gambit62 in reply to Lush__x]

Good to hear that it is not threatening - though Sue below is right he is just being needy and he's trying to manipulate your emotions.

This is probably going to sound completely crazy but you do always have the option of just ignoring him - it's a moments irritation to realise he's sent you a text but express the anger by deleting it and then you don't have to worry about it. If he is calling a landline you can get the call barred - though there might be a small charge - used it when I had problems with a nuisance caller.

If it is in the street then you could just treat him like a distant acquaintance - nod but just carry on afterwards without stopping for a conversation.

It's ironic because the more he pesters you the more likely you are to hate him so it is in his best interests to stop.

I hope that at some point you find some way of letting go of the anger/hate because in the long term its a tie to him that you could really do without. Not saying forgive but hope you can forget

[ThemysciraDrive in reply to Lush__x]

Ignore him. He can't stand the thought of you hating him because it makes him confront the fact that he might not be the unimpeachable adonis that he thinks he is. My other half was exactly the same - slightly different scenario as she broke it off and initially I did want to get back together. And she encouraged that - always left the door open just wide enough to keep me interested. Had no intention of getting back together but liked that I was still attracted to her.

He wants to use you to puff up his own ultimately fragile ego. He will never see your point of view because people like that have no capacity to empathise. There is their perspective or nothing. Ignoring him is really all you can do. And hopefully eventually the texts will dry up - the self absorbed can't take being ignored, it's worse to them than being angry with them.

[Lush__x in reply to ThemysciraDrive]

well he knows he wasnt nice to me, which is good i guess he has acknowledged this. However i dont think he will do anything to change this for future relationships.

But the "their perspective or nothing" sounds SPOT ON!...from our relationship anyway. Im in a position now where i can say what i think and if he doesnt like it, it doesnt make a difference to me...he can just jog on! lol

I did ignore him for a while...a long while infact. But i dont no what it is, i just like the fact im in control of the situation finally and i can say what i want and theres no consequences because im not bothered anymore.

I cant put my finger on it though, i dont want to be back with him but i think its the fact hes chasing me a bit? dont no anyway...

Hes not going to get what he wants though...because nothing can change the past.

[Hidden in reply to Lush__x]

It shows how needy he is! Why not suggest to him that he goes to see someone about that? Hope you are okay otherwise? Suexx

[Lush__x in reply to Hidden]

Thats a very good point sue. I never looked at it that way. Its like hes only just caught up but its been 7 months since we split up now!

Yeah im fine Sue thanks how are you doing? xxx

[Hidden in reply to Lush__x]

Hi, I'm fine too, about to go back into clinical work hopefully - so fingers crossed. Otherwise just buying and selling on e-bay and feeling okay. Finally managed to let go of that attachment figure without grieving all the time too, so progress! Take care and speak again soon hopefully, Suexxx

[Lush__x in reply to Hidden]

oh Sue thats so exciting!! im glad its happened for you eventually!!

And thats great news...as long as your getting along fine, thats all that matters

Keep in touch, Love Zoe xxx

[Gambit62]

It does sound as if your supervisor could do with a general reminder that it isn't good for morale to criticise someone in public - and that's everyone's morale. Would you feel up to taking her on one side when nobody is looking and apologising for not telling her (good psychology to butter up before delivering the pill) and also let her know that, if she does need to tell you off in future you would be grateful if she didn't do it in front of everyone else?

[Lush__x in reply to Gambit62]

Haha yeah that sounds like something id do....use a bit of psychology on the situation. But your right if she does it again I will say something. x

[coatpin]

Have you been to see your gp lately as this might be a sign that it might be time to up your tablets ,,,or start them,, its the start of winter, so maybe go on ebay and get a light box for Seasonal effective disorder. If it helps keep it up each day in the evening. Or at work.

Honey when that person can pay your rent and council tax,,, then she can have some say. Your ill,,,and your trying to work ,,, well done!!! Your work place cant do anything as your ill. So stop putting yourself on tender hooks, and release the stress. and say under your breath sod them all,,,, I always felt that helped. But you must go see your gp, as your going down hill. x take care Linda