Just when I thought things were going ok I was kicked in the teeth and lost my job.These days turning up on time and trying your best is not good enough,you have to make a big issue of everything and people think you are a hero for then sorting the problem out.
I am dreading the phone ringing incase I get offered some work because I dont think I will have the confidence to go and do it.
We are in loads of debt due to generally being useless with money and not saving for a rainy day.I feel under constant pressure to always keep us going but I am sick of worrying about everything.I just feel like running away from it all.The only thing that stops me is not wanting to ruin my sons life.
I have no life,no friends,no job,no money.I am basically just a loser.I am always bringing up the past,if only this,if only that.
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I went to the doc's last time I felt like this and he said he would get someone to speak to me,I thought he had forgot but about three weeks later I had a phone call from someone asking if I wanted an appointment,they were very offhanded and it was as though I was a nuisance to them.They said down the phone 'well it is up to you do you want the appointment or not.'
I work for the NHS as a medical secretary and it never fails to amaze me how people in a caring environment do not actually care, let alone answer the phones. I have little faith in all but a few so called caring professionals these days. I have felt like this on many an occasion.. Even rang the Samaritans years ago and didn't feel they were of help. However I do know that irritability with everyone is part of what we are going through - hence my outburst last week which took everyone completely by surprise. Even my line manager was in tears.
I rang the samaritans just for a chat the other week,I had to end the call as the woman on the other end was annoying me,she was speaking in a very slow soft voice and instead of calming me it just irritated me.
I am sorry you have lost your job, that's hard. You are right about people having to make more of things in order to look good - my husband was a manager for 35 years and could do the job efficiently, keep everyone happy in all directions AND keep within budget AND manage all of that within a 9-5 day because he was on top of things. Some young 30 something got the job above him and decided if he (my husband) could do the job that easily he couldn't be doing it properly as HE (the one above) had to work until 7pm every night. He put so much pressure on my husband that we decided he should take early retirement. Within a year the service was falling apart and children and families were suffering. All because some idiot was anxious about his own inadequacies and projected that onto other people.
It sounds as though you are so angry and demoralised that you are rejecting the help that is offered unless the person offering it is sufficiently sensitive - but that is biting off the hand that feeds you! You need help, so take what is on offer, however inadequate, because it is all there is and you might even find it useful.
First things first. Do go to get some advice about your debts - Citizens Advice should be able to help you with that. Then seek help to improve your self-confidence - you are NOT a loser though you feel as if you are - you are someone who is struggling in a society that has very little care for people. Your GP could refer you for some counselling initially but in the longer term being in a psychoanalytic therapy group would help you to find your ability to matter to others and put your past in its place.
Meanwhile use this website for support as we have all been there and will help and support you as much as we can.
Sue xx
The last job I was on was run by an absolute loon of a man,he said mate three or four times in a sentence,called everybody by someone elses name and generally got on peoples nerves,nothing anyone did was right,if you said A he would say oh no mate its B,if you said black he would say oh no mate its white.
You are right,I am angry,I am fuming,confused,anxious,sad.
I am on a payment plan with three credit card companies,I would have been happy just plodding on paying them as best I could but to do that I need an income,which I dont have now.
I can understand why you are angry - you MUST sort those out either with the companies or through Citizens Advice before things get worse so do that today. xx
Your not a loser ever. Things have got on top of you and it seems there is no way out. We are creatures of habit and brining up the past is very common for us all as humans. Your son is most important in all this and he needs you , but he needs you to be happy. No life feeling is very hard to get up from. Am not an expert but I know that despair feeling. I started to pray on my knees as I had tried everything else. Jesus is your friend if you let him be. Can you watch on you tube Matt Chandler - keep getting up and if your ok with it, pray on your knees and watch how things change. I am no longer a loser, no longer have no friends - he gave me new friends, a life, money and much more. I am only being honest. Try watch that on you tube . Here for you if you need a friend x
Hi, I'm just wondering whether you did anything about the debts? They won't go away - I know you know that but it's easy to pretend for a while because the reality is so painful and leads to anger - I did that myself years ago and learned the hard way. Make a new arrangement that will fit with being on benefits and then begin to think about looking for another job. xx
If the phone rings offering a job, take it. Its like getting back on the horse of you fall off, or you will never ride again. Don't assume just because the last job did not turn out well, the next one won't. Anyway, in the meantime at least you will earn some money, even if only for a few weeks. Who knows, you may even make some friends. Come on now, give it a go, and put your all into it. Learn to love rejection as a teacher, not as a symbol of failure.
I found some agency work which will keep us going for a few weeks but I am making the effort to find a permanent job doing something I actually enjoy,if the money is not as good we will just have to make do.
I am on a payment plan with the debts and if they are not happy there is nothing I can do.
I am sick to death of worrying about work.
My son came home this weekend to do some work on his car,I helped him and it was great,real quality time.
Feeling a bit better lately,told my wife she HAS to get a job to help with the cash flow.
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To show how i feel
I FEEL LIKE SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON....
Feel like a failure with no motivation 
