Lonliness?

[CarolineLondon]

First off I have obviously spelt it wrong as its underlined on here in red...lol!

Now ladies and gents Im aware some of you seriously have the smarts on this website, so Im going to set the hare running on this one and see where it goes with the object of hopefully helping someone and maybe clarifying a few theories. What do you think, are you in? Oh and please excuse me if I dont reply for days college takes all my time!

So the question is this...what is it?

One thing I dont suffer from is lonliness, I miss my partner but my sorrow is in not beng able to share stuff with him. I spend far too long physcially (oh come on why are the PHY PSY words always so hard to spell!)...alone. I have had the odd occasion of loneliness, but heres the thing, I always have me. No really where ever I go I take myself. Also being creative Ive always got my nose in things and Im now glued to radio 4 which makes me think even more!

So Im not saying you shouldnt feel lonely, but how could you reframe it in your head so lonliness lessens or isnt a problem. And how do we isolate this for discussion form physcially being alone, which I dont count as the same thing.

Has anyone got a neat trick for spelling the PHY and PSY words, oh and the other two are 'exercise' (only took me 20 years to learn that one) and 'Scissors!'....I suspect they are Greek based words or something. Anyway for those who dont know me Im both dyslexic and mad as a box of frogs.

So let me know what you think if you feel like it on the lonliness question, not my spelling!

On the subject of new ideas can I just point you to the explaination (oh there goes another one, why why are there too many 'i's it sounds like it has 2 ...'i's! 'explainaition!'). Anyway radio 4 ...look up a small film explaining 'The Trolly Problem' under 'The History of Ideas', its a doozie and so funny.

Oh AND if I feel a bit isolated or alone I come on here with you lot, sometimes the rooms so crowded I can barely squeeze in!

Big HUG to all.

Thank you xx

[Stilltrying_]

Well Caroline, I will reply to this one. My biggest problem I feel is my inner loneliness. So yes I do feel it and I feel for me it is what the "killer" is if you like. By inner lonliness what do I mean? It is really hard to explain as it varies but I'm going to try and explain.

It's a feeling of never feeling "loved" within my own family (sounds selfish? or just feeling sorry for myself? ) I'm just being honest; it feels like never having been "seen" or "validated". It feels like my sense of self shifts all over the place. There is a sense of self and there is so much good stuff; that is what makes it so frustrating; there IS potentially and actually so much good stuff but underlying all of this is a sense of terror AT BEING ALONE; a feeling that I am unable to cope though I have to decide to carry on each day. I go through endless cycles of thinking about a "safe way out"; the trouble is that all of this is linked up with failure for me too, so deciding there is no way out is admitting my defeat at being unable to cope.

I think I've said this before but I'd only do it if it was peaceful and painless and I can't come up with a way; read and seen too many scare stories and I honestly think that is why so many of us plough on; that and the bits of "achievement" we try and fill that void with. On a day to day basis I try and create meaning in my life and sometimes I achieve it and feel like I've managed to "fool myself"; by making the "trivial" the important stuff it feels like a way of life at times. Then achieving things; learning things helping people gives me a short term "buzz" if you like or an attempt at a reason.

All along there is this lonliness; that is the thing I cannot stand. So yes I feel it Caroline.

What about others?

X

[CarolineLondon in reply to Stilltrying_]

Oh Gemma, Im sorry you're having such a tough time really. I dont really know what to say, thing is we are alone essentially, we come in alone and we leave alone. I bet there are times when if someone invaded your space you pick them up by the ears and throw them out! Pests!

But yes I understand sometimes you just want someone around to play with, to connect with. I don't really have the answer, Im sorry. My hang ups are different, like I get embarrassed going to some places alone like galleries ( that's just pathetic).

I suppose what Im trying to say is being alone isnt the end of the world, you connect with people as and when you can. Maybe draw it down to its raw components? As in, okay Im alone but Im not in a war zone, I can eat what I like, I can read, I have running water (please dont take this as me saying your not grateful, Im sure you are, but sometimes maybe we arent mindful). Maybe make a big ole list in your head of what you can do because you live in a war free zone. And then maybe what youd like to do for a bit?

I looooove crosswords and jigsaws, I wish I could do a jigsaw now but the guilt would kill me. Its that thing of doing something completely pointless.

Sorry rambling as always. Look dont kill yourself A) its going to hurt and B) who for? you cant have fun when your dead, well I mean in a physical way, on your bike or on the swings or at your cafe!

Try and find some little happiness Gemma in something. A little restbite and maybe try NOT to solve everything in your life at once, just inch forward to what you want of just feeling a bit better.

I really hope you feel a bit better soon Gemma. BIG HUG XXX

[Catmag in reply to Stilltrying_]

Hi Gemma,

Like Caroline said sometimes we have to be mindful. I do get the whole failure thing though. I felt like an abject failure, but when I talked to my psychiatrist, he pointed out all the positive things I had achieved.

I know that there are things you do that other people can't. I know because I always undersell myself, I presume that if I can do something then it must be easy and everyone can do it. I recently found out that is wrong. So have a think and I'm sure you will identify some strengths.

As for ending things, please don't. My dad always said 'there's more ways than one to skin a cat'. Maybe you will find a way to cope. Think of it this way, you are unwell, just getting up and dressed everyday is an achievement. Says me still in bed at 13:00! As Caroline has said a bit of respite could be the answer (even if she can't spell! - LOL! Sorry Caroline).

Take care, Catherine.

Please note: no cats where harmed in writing this post!!!

[artpats]

thanks i think.lol....

[CarolineLondon]

Thanks for what my endless ramblings or the pure incohereance of my mystical brain...lol. They wouldnt have needed a message scrambler in the war they could have just sent me in and let my mouth do the walking...ha ha.

Thanks for your reply

[Catmag]

Hi,

Many of my friends say I spend too much time alone and so I'm lonely. NOT TRUE.

I do live alone, but that is not the same as loneliness ( I think you'll find that's the correct spelling! I'm now the spelling monitor LOL!). If you are happy in your own company - creative or not- there's nothing wrong with that. I think people who always have company, struggle when they find themselves alone. Personally, I like my own space & company, it's not considered normal - companionship is one of the tenents of marriage - or a more traditional mode of living - but then what is normal?

As to the spelling dilemmas:

For phy think 'F' - just the letter please!

For psy think 'S'.

Explanation, is a tricky one, you drop the 'I' from explain - don't know how best to remember it, other than slowly pronounce it. Of course with all the regional dialects around phonetically spelling words could potentially double the OED! As for loneliness, start with lonely, then remember that 'y' changes to 'I'. Hope that helps.

Take care, Catherine.