Why every time I like a guy they always end up playing/hurting me?

I'm a young 24 year old who's funny, nice, smart and have a good personality, everyone says I'm really beautiful. But, I always fall for guys who end up being total dickheads after a while. I always end up getting played and I'm sick and tired of it. Guys always play with my feelings, I don't understand why though? I'm SO tired of crying over dudes like I'm fed up with this shit! I've had 3 bfs in my life neither of them lasted all of those guys hurt me one way or the other. Every guy I fell for don't ever make an consistent effort to keep me in their life or want to be with me(make me their girl.) I must admit I'm picky and don't like every guy I meet, but the few rare ones I do end up catching feelings for always sell me dreams. I feel so empty and broken. I have no problem with attracting men it's just that I'm tired of getting played and hurt by guys who only want me for my looks. Because I'm pretty people can't see past that and don't wanna really get to know me, did they use me? Some guys are so evil I won't know they're the wrong guy until they hurt me. They pretend to be all into me for a couple weeks or sometimes even months and then they move onto the next or just cut me off and ignore me. I don't dress provocative, nor am I a gold digger or a slut. Maybe I'm expecting to much outta people. I feel like I deserve better and what am I doing wrong to deserve to be treated like this? Lately I've bin running into guys who are taken. Do I move too fast (in bed)? Is it because I come on to strong? Maybe I'm to nice and polite that it comes off as flirty? Maybe I fall for their looks? I'm so emotional that by me being rejected by guys that I liked lowers my self esteem and makes me think maybe I'm the problem. Why does it take me a while to get over them, is there something wrong with me? I always get my heart broken and betrayed. I've been single a whole year now. It sucks being lonely all the time and the 3 wheel with my friends. I attempted to date a few times which failed each time. I know I should be somewhat matured in the relationship department, but I'm just a hopeless romantic :(

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16 Replies

  • Hey, good morning, I'm a bloke and most of us men are shits, I'm of, I think the old school, I like to pay for everything, open doors ect ect. I believe that woman should be treated just the same as men, should be paid the same ect ect, but I would still open the door ect ect. I respect woman and think us blokes should thank woman, if a bloke is lucky enough to go out with a lady then the bloke should thank them. The respect has gone, but I think that women have lost respect for themselves.

    In my mind you should wait for a man to ask you out, don't look for it, play hard to get, don't get into bed, if a man likes, loves you then he will wait, this shows he has respect for you. You have the power over the man, use it, your gut feeling will always be right. A man will alway tell you what he thinks you want to here, but just remember, Love is without reason, you will find the right man, he will treat you like a princess, if he does not the kick him into touch.

    Take care, it will happen


  • Please I haven't found one guy and I am gorgeous have everything going for myself where are they

  • Why can't i

  • Hi Kawai, from what I see dating is much harder now than it used to be unfortunately and there seems too much pressure on you even having a bf.

    It is always more difficult if your girl friends are all dating, as they are who you should be having fun with, so there isn’t so much pressure on having anyone in your life yet.

    You will probably get the same answer from every corner of the globe, to be patient, when the time is right, the right person will come into your life, searching too hard to hurry that along can bring disappointment and too much self criticism.

    My daughter has only just found a nice bf and she is 27, she also still has single girl friends that she goes out with, and yes they sometimes wonder why they do not have theirs yet, especially as they all fit in the category of being attractive, intelligent and lovely girls. They all just try their best to enjoy life for what it is.

    Try always talk to men whether they are your type or not, as getting to know people is very interesting anyway, that does not mean you need to go out with them just to become friends, romance can sometimes blossom out of friendships and can be a nicer way of finding love.

    A lot of attractive girls have a harder job of attracting the right man in their life just because of their looks, so many guys are also insecure and very afraid of rejection, so can even be frightened of asking out someone who is very attractive! The world never makes a lot of sense I’m afraid, and you might find the ones that don’t think twice about asking good looking girls out may just be trying to enjoy life to the full and really not looking for a lasting relationship just yet?

    In gerneral it is thought that guys mature much later than girls, so would rather just play around while they are young!

    Perhaps just try to enjoy life and the people in it, never think too far ahead to where it is going to take you and when relationships might end, if it was good, just say to yourself, that was nice while it lasted, otherwise if no, there is always better waiting for you around the corner.

    Once you are in a relationship it's really not going to do you any favors to put pressure on anyone to commit themselves to something lasting if they are not ready to, and that kind of pressure can makes someone run in the opposit direction.

    The richness of your own life is not dependent on having a partner, yes it’s ultimately what we can maybe all dream about, finding that one special person, but not finding them does not mean you need to be unhappy in anyway and you would be better off looking for fulfillment in a different direction that attracts more friends rather than intimate relationships perhaps.

    Apparently someone once said you need to kiss at least 76 frogs before you meet your prince charming, the art of conversation can be much more fun, so maybe just concentrate on increasing your circle of friends. :-)

  • Oh bless you this is so hard for you right now. You say you are 24. I wonder how old are the guys you are dating? They do say men mature at a much slower rate than women and maybe these guys are just immature and not ready to settle down or go steady.

    It is difficult without knowing you to know if you may be doing anything wrong but yes I would say always hold back in the bed department as you need to know they will treat you properly in despite of that; some guys will just get away with what they can. If you demand and command respect and don't give everything away straightaway then if they are the right one they will wait a bit longer for you.

    Also I do feel that a lot of girls/women are insecure so they get very attached emotionally to guys when sometimes guys don't realise this. There is nothing wrong with you. You just need someone a bit more mature maybe and someone a bit more serious

    In the meantime enjoy your interests. Life can be good without a partner; it is not the be all and end of of everything. We attract people at the same level as ourselves so if you are a cup half empty you will attract a cup half empty person; you need to fill your cup with enjoying life and then you will meet someone who is the same. And most of all respect yourself and don't take any less than you deserve.

    Hope this helps.

    Gemma X

  • That is what I am doing because I am just enjoying what's around me

  • Hi I totally agree with what has been said. I will add that many men will only be attracted by your looks and not your personality and you need to learn to distinguish between them. The former are looking for a 'trophy girlfriend' who looks great hanging off their arm and to impress their friends with. Maybe you are inadvertently seeking out these type of men?

    I agree with taking the pressure off yourself. Stop looking for a man and just enjoy life with your mates and do things you enjoy doing. You wil have more chance finding a man who will love you for your personality as well if you show this rather than just attract them with your looks. x

  • Hi

    Sorry you're unhappy.

    I did start typing some words of wisdom from a guys perspective but then I realised that really the overriding thought I had was to ask you why you feel the need to be with someone? I mean being in a relationship can be great but why do we as a society feel incomplete being single, as though there is something wrong with being on our own? None of us should need another person to define who or what we are as a person. I've always been in relationships for the majority of my adult life but perhaps if I'd taken the time to focus on who I am then perhaps I would be a better person, man, boyfriend then I currently am. Hell perhaps I'd know who I am.

    Ok enough of my B.S let give you some advice.

    Don't be in a rush to find someone or be in a relationship. Get to know someone first. A guy will be in a rush but if you dictate the pace then he will stay interested. A dog will happily chase a thrown ball all day long but as soon as the ball stops moving it can grow bored of it & stop running. Along with not being in a rush is not being in a rush to sleep with someone. Sleeping with a guy soon into a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that he will lose respect for you but it does mean he may take you for granted quicker. In my opinion once a couple are having regular sex then neither tries as hard as they did at the beginning of the relationship. Once you've seen someone naked then a lot of the mystery is gone - for good or bad. While it is good to become relaxed with someone & within a relationship the downside to this is that each person can (and will) take the other for granted little by little.

    With most of us we become interested in someone based on looks first & foremost. Nothing wrong in that but get to know a guy first. It might be better for him to become a friend before becoming a boyfriend.

    You want a good guy? Watch him when he is relaxed. How is he with other women? Older women, younger women, pretty women, ugly women. Is he thoughtful & respectful to them? How is he with his parents, particularly his mother? Now while you may not be able to see how he is with his parents you can certainly ask about them & his upbringing in casual conversation.

    Try not to be a hopeless romantic, perhaps a realistic romantic would be better.

    Good luck


  • Hi, You're giving yourself a really hard time, Hun.

    You sound just like me. I'm a hopeless romantic and havce always been hurt. No matter how well the relationship was going, the guy always turned into something different and let me down or hurt me. My last boyfriend stole from me and always let me down when we arranged dates. He always had some excuse or other. It made my anxiety so much worse.

    I started to feel it was my fault and was convinced I was doing something wrong, like maybe I was going head first or getting too clingy or moving too fast for them. But my last bf seemed to want to move fast and then he decided he no longer wanted to be with me. Very confusing.

    The fact is, people just change their minds. We try really hard to make a good first impression and we can't possibly keep that up forever. We show our true selves eventually. It really is that simple. I am 24 as well and the men in our generation seem useless to me! They care too much about alcohol, FB, how they appear to their friends, status (like expensive cars and clothes), they seem to have no money and they seem to have no employment ambition at all. They just want to be young and party and have no regard for the future. I just can't figure it out. It must be a combination of partying with alcohol and the recession which are messing our men up!

    The point is the good ones seem to be taken most of the time.

    What I decided to do is just enjoy life. Don't think about men, they're only gonna make you miserable. It's actually when you're not expecting it that you meet someone. I am living proof of that at the moment.

    I know it's incredibly lonely, but try filling your life with fun and ambition and doing the things you like. Don't sit alone and feel sorry for yourself - keep yourself occupied, join a gym, focus on your job, do favours for others.

  • hey, i so sorry that happens to you.. it happens to me... i had a boyfriend till last night and he is afraid of my parents and idk why... i totally understand how you feel... dont worry about it because God will put you with a guy that he wants you to be with that wont hurt you... just like if you lean onto Gods understanding he will help you with this problem it wont be over night but it will be sometime soon in the future...

  • Your only 24 years old your ain't that old yet. Guys are like big babies they have a big ego but when you bust down the walls to their core their babies. They just wanna be able to relax and get their ***k sucked and ya commitment is scary for a man and pressure. And I won't go into the peter pan syndrome. But ya.. Guys your age are dicks some* but remember your still young and you don't need a man to be a strong woman.

    you can shine like the sun just by being the strong independent woman you are. Make money be happy and don't look too much into the future. -wow coming from a girl- you are amazing and just have yourself together and when you find the right man show him all the things you can offer first go with getting to know them first. And it turns a guy on a woman with independence who has her own, And is strong. but be the boss ya hear don't take no shit girl!

  • A. Stop worrying about coming over as nice. Not that you need to be nasty, but be honest and do not care if their reaction to your honesty is bad. If they have nothing to hide they will be ok with it.

    B. Stop thinking about your looks all the time, or the looks of the guy you are dating. Sure it is important to be attracted to him physically, but attraction comes in many forms. Look deeper.

  • Oh my goshis me to we need to talk

  • It's crazy everyone keep saying the same thing don't rush cause these type of woman want a relationship so bad but it's not the time so we gotta tie down the hormones change the subconscious mind and get out comfort zone I hate this

  • Hidden,

    There is nothing wrong about you. You just care love too mush. When you focus your life on emotions, you feel sad. Personally I feel pretty girls need to be smarter to be really happy. Yes, life is harder for pretty girls. I was as confused as you after 3 bfs several years back. But now I am more calm about love relationships. I do enjoy travelling, watch movies and sports rather than keep thinking about relationship. I believe your experience through those three relationships would be your sources to understand movies/musics and others' experiences. It would be fun because it opens your life feeling and experience. WE ARE ALL THE SAME, that's it.

    Wish you all the best, you are a strong girl you haven't thought of!

  • I'm an ugly guy and I find beautiful girls ALWAYS totally ignore me (even in just friendly conversation- they think I'm trying to hit on them I guess, not!) and go for jerks that are handsome but could are superficial and egotistical and could care less about them. I'm not saying she should go for an ugly guy, I'm just saying that's the way the pattern works. Almost all pretty girls swoon over a 'prince' who's really a dick and end up regretting it. Obviously, you have to have physical chemistry for a relationship to flower, but it sounds from her writing that she's not getting to know these guys very well. I can spot a woman with problems pretty quickly, and would not touch them. My girlfriends (and ex-wife) have all been average looking, which has been great for me. Now I'm getting old and trying Internet dating. Man is that ever horrible. Of course you post your best pictures and as i'm pretty sweet with words, girls are very interested. When they meet they still seem nice and smile and laugh a lot. Then I never hear from then again. Or I might a month later, as they think I'm 'her good friend.' The truth is I'm ugly and no way, no ladies for me. Think I'll die single so I better get used to find happiness alone. I sure as hell wasn't looking for female 'friends' on the Internet. I can find friends anywhere. And who the hell likes wasting their time chatting with those stupid emoticons anyway???

    Sorry, big tangent. There are sweet, beautiful girls and caring handsome men out there. But they're rare. It's a bad idea to pick people for their looks (not saying she did but as a general rule). There are also hordes of bitchy and resentful ugly girls and angry and obnoxiously needy ugly guys out there too. Ain't life grand?