A little bit of context and back story. I am a cadet at a military academy. This military academy is grades 7-12, and I am a 11th grader. I just finished my application to the Summer Leadership Experience at the United States Military Academy at West Point, of which 40% of the participants are accepted (it is an Ivy League school with a 10%- accpetion rate), and I am widely considered to be the "tryhard", or the "military boy." Of my school. I feel that everything I do to better myself socially, physically, and militarily just hits a wall.
I am not originally from my military academy. I was from another, but it shut down. I feel that a lot of cadets think that I "invaded" with my other friends from that school. We all got high-ranking positions, and I felt that we deserved it. People came to me, and actually broke down into tears because they had "worked so hard for the position [that I have] and they want [me] to step down." If I try to introduce something new to my unit, I am shut down by my leaders, and my leaders have tried to get me fired! I am picked on and berrated, and I have no authority over any of my cadets... I have tried to make friends, but it seems that when I fall back on my original set of friends that I had from my previous school, they are working out well and they are integrating well. A lot of kids don't want to be at this school. I do. I know how good it will be for me, and I get picked on all the time for that.
I am the type of person that will *NEVER* show my emotions in public. If anything, I may laugh at something they tell me or not respond. It is times like this, when I am sitting in front of my computer, Googling "Why am I such a screw up?" or the like, that I really get depressed. I punish myself. I am the guy that everyone watches, and every time I screw up, and every time I say something stupid, or I say a joke and it is met with silence, it just tears apart my soul. I can't stand it. I have talked for hours with my parents, but it doesn't do anything. I always say stupid things. I always screw up. I always do my best militarily, because that is the only thing I am good at, and I get screwed with for it.
My motivation to work out has been a major problem for me. I am 16, and I have spent upwards of 300 dollars of my own money on workout routines, and adjustable weights, and protein. I try this for a day or two, but then I quit. I beat myself up for that, too. I will never be like the 6'3'' (I'm 5'9'') FRESHMEN in my company, that get to push me around because they know I won't fight back. I won't respond. I may even laugh.
No one respects me, and I have six years more of this to go, plus a career in the military. I feel my entire life collapsing around me as people take no time to remind me how much I am hated because I am not like everyone else, and that I have aspirations. I can't focus on them, because I always have people messing with me. How am I going to survive at West Point? How can I get myself motivated to work out? Every day I miss... I just feel that failure weigh me down... any words of wisdom?